


Loves Labours Lost

by ssa_rtune



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/F, Post-Season/Series 02, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1865763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_rtune/pseuds/ssa_rtune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the bard himself wrote: The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo. You, that way: we, this way. Jane, I feel we need to separate, I need to go this way to re-evaluate my life, and those in it. We need to go this way. Post 2:15 Rizzles will happen!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't you dare.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been posted complete at Fanfiction Net. However, I wanted to allow people the chance to download it should they wish, which this site allows.  
> This also won a Rizzles FanFiction Award. That alone was a surprise for me, especially since I had a vast amount going on in my personal life - including bereavements - so this story stalled badly for a very long time. It was truly humbling got me. I write because I enjoy it. If others then do, I'm always pleased about that, however it isn't my motivation to write. Therefore thank you to all who supported me.
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm a poor British fool, who just wants to write. Please don't sue me, because I know I don't own any of these characters. That privilege belongs to Tess G, TNT, Janet T and probably others I have no idea about.
> 
> Finally, I would like to thank Honorcpt, who as always has been there and read through to help - basically she calls me on my shit when needed. I know we won't catch everything, no matter how often we try, so any mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

 

* * *

 **Chapter one**

“No I mean it... Don't you dare touch him.”

Jane rocked back on her heels, completely taken aback by the ferociousness in Maura's voice. She looked on helplessly, trying to process what had just happened. She then turned and saw Korsak walking towards them, Frost down on his knees, seemingly attending Dean. Shit, Dean! It was only then Jane processed he had also been shot. That was then met with the thought of serves the bastard right. How dare he fucking use me to get to Doyle. How dare he fucking lie to me.

Jane looked back at Maura, who was frantically trying to stem the blood loss from the two bullet wounds. Doyle was no longer conscious, and Jane could tell his condition was grave. If the EMT's didn't arrive soon, she knew he wouldn't even make it past the warehouse. It was then she felt Korsak's hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at him, eye's suddenly full of tears. Blinking rapidly, not wanting to show any sign of weakness, Jane began to slowly unfurl herself from the floor, her knees protesting as she did so, realizing just how hard she had fallen down on to them. She watched as Korsak knelt down, and began to help Maura tend Doyle, Maura giving him a look of thanks. That alone cut Jane deeper than any scalpel could possible go.

_When did this become such a clusterfuck?_ Jane moved and wordlessly left the warehouse, before coming to rest against a wall outside, where she promptly vomited. Harsh bile hitting the back of her throat, since she had eaten and drunk little in recent hours. She wiped her mouth against the sleeve of the jacket that she had brought outside with her since Maura had refused her help.

_Shit, Maura. What the hell?_ Jane knew this wasn't a rift that was easily going to be mended, if at all. At that thought, Jane hunched over and once more was trying to expel something that wasn't there. Bile rose, and it came out in a thin stream, followed by what little saliva her mouth was able to produce, still burning as it went. Nothing more than I deserve was Jane's only thought as she finally was able to stand, her legs still feeling wobbly as the ambulance finally screamed in to the location. The professional mask slipped back in to place with practised ease, completely at odds with the turmoil Jane was feeling internally. She gave information to the EMT's as they piled out of the ambulance, watching as they raced to tend to the wounded. She found herself shaking, and wrapping her arms around her waist, felt the bile beginning to rise for a third time.

* * *

“What the hell happened out there Rizzoli?” Cavanaugh had called her in to his office almost the second he had heard she was uninjured, citing that Frost and Korsak could deal with what was happening on the ground. He wanted a report, and he wanted it yesterday!

“Fucking Agent Dean is what happened.” Jane replied, her voice taut but so far, she was keeping her true anger at his actions under some semblance of control.

 Cavanaugh ignored Jane's immediate words, “You'll need to report to IAD, but in the meantime I am placing you on a standard ten day suspension, pending further investigations.” Cavanaugh leaned forward in his seat, looking serious. “It appears that you knew Doyle was in the area, yet failed to put out a BOLO on him. I am also going to be asking the same of your partner. I want to know why? IAD will also be sniffing around with the same question. I don't give a flying fuck what you tell them, but you better be straight with me.”

 Jane looked at her commanding officer and internally grimaced. She had fucked up, and while she didn't think it would be enough to get her kicked off the force, it was going to be one hell of a black mark on her record. She decided truth at this stage was the way to go.

 “Doctor Maura Isles is Patrick Doyle's biological daughter. He apparently reappeared because of Constance Isles accident. I did it to try and protect Maura.”

 To say Cavanaugh looked shocked at the news was an understatement. “How in the hell do you know this? And why wasn't I informed earlier?” Cavanaugh's expression was turning darker by the second.

 “Colin Doyle was discovered murdered last year. As Doctor Isles was running the DNA comparison, it became known she had shared DNA with him. Subsequent investigation showed she and Colin had the same father, different mothers. It became apparent that Colin's death was a direct result of being Patrick Doyle’s son. We determined that whoever killed Colin would try to kill Maura if they found out who she is. This threat still stood even after we closed the case. It's why Doyle had Maura adopted, because he knew that his enemies would use his children to get to him.” Jane rubbed a hand across her face, suddenly feeling the tiredness she'd been fighting creeping up on her. She lifted her eyes, her expression clear – I'll do whatever it takes to protect Maura, and I still will. “So I didn't want to send out a BOLO until I felt that the time was right to do so. Until I was sure there was no threat to Doctor Isles.” Jane finished her explanation, hoping it made some kind of sense, because right now to her, it made none whatsoever. 

“So you didn't place a BOLO out on Patrick Doyle this time around because? What made you determine when the correct time to do it was?” Cavanaugh asked, still sounding angry, albeit beginning to understand the protectiveness shown by Jane.

Because Maura was in a fragile state of mind, and I wanted to know that Constance Isles was going to make it before we pulled him in is what Jane wanted to say, but she stopped herself knowing it would make matters worse.

“I didn't know how much danger Doctor Isles was in, if any of Doyle's enemies were watching him, and saw him go to the hospital to visit Constance Isles. It wouldn't have taken much to put it together. I felt that by not putting out a BOLO, we weren't drawing attention to the fact that Doyle was around and showing himself. Put out a BOLO and that gets certain people's attention. Attention that I felt could be dangerous to Doctor Isles.”

“For fucks sake Rizzoli this is some kind of messed up shit. I don't know if I can protect you from this.” Cavanaugh finally admitted.

“I don't expect you to.” Jane looked defiant. She already had the worse possible punishment inflicted, and that was Maura's refusal to talk, or even see Jane. Her dismissals had continued once Jane had gone back in to the warehouse with the EMT's, instead asking Korsak to take her to the hospital to be with Doyle and her mother, leaving Jane standing around looking as shocked as she continued to feel, Korsak giving her an apologetic look as he walked past, making it feel as if someone was twisting the knife. She had barely survived another fit of vomiting at that moment.

“So what in the hell was Agent Dean doing there?” Cavanaugh remembered he hadn't even broached that subject yet. “If you hadn't issued a BOLO, how did he know Doyle was at the warehouse?”

Jane's anger was unmistakable. “I...” Jane slammed her eyelids shut, before slowly opening them again. “I slept with Dean, and I told him Doyle was about. He promised...” Jane's voice finally cracked, and she had to take a calming breath. “He said he wouldn't act as an Agent, but as a boyfriend and wait until I said it would be okay to go after Doyle. He obviously lied.”

Cavanaugh shook his head. “So you asked a Federal Agent not to act over a mob boss wanted for numerous crimes. Jesus, this just gets better! So go on, I'm assuming Dean turned up unannounced. Then what happened?”

“He stormed in to the warehouse forcing the issue, and took a shot at Doyle.”

“Who was armed and had just shot a man.” Cavanaugh reminded Jane none to gently.

Jane sighed, knowing, as much as she hated Dean, he had acted as an officer of the law should have. “Yes... I heard Dean shout 'drop your weapon Doyle' and then Dean fired his own weapon. I don't know if Doyle was complying or not to the verbal command. By that time Korsak, Frost and myself had also entered the building but we couldn't get from our position to do anything until after Dean was shot. Doyle looked down at us, and then raised his weapon, seemingly pointing it towards Detective Frost. I fired my weapon. Doyle then fell backwards and the wooden railings didn't support his weight from the gantry he was on and he fell to the floor.” _And Maura hates me_ Jane mentally added. _Let alone the fact I was sleeping with fucking Dean while Maura was in hospital, worrying about her mother. What kind of shit friend does that? I should have been with Maura, comforting her, not getting fucking laid!_ Jane struggled to keep her composure as the latest thoughts flew through her mind.

“So it was a clean shot?” Cavanaugh wanted clarification.

“Yes, it was clean shot. I'm not sure if he was out of bullets or trying to release his clip, but at the time, it looked as if he was going to fire, and I didn't want to wait to find out. I did as I was trained to do, I fired.” Jane admitted, as much as it pained her to. Wishing she could take the moment back again if she could.

“Well at least IAD won't be able to do anything about that.” Cavanaugh finally settled back in his chair. “You will face sanctions for not placing a BOLO out on Doyle. Did you at any time come face to face with him, or have any opportunity to arrest him?”

“No sir.” Jane said, shaking her head. “I never saw him at any time.” Jane didn't want to add that Maura had, knowing while she was only the medical examiner, it would still be something that could be detrimental to her and her career. If Jane could at least avoid that line of questioning for now, she would. Jane knew that she had effectively admitted that Maura knew of Doyle being around earlier in the conversation, but unless Cavanaugh asked her outright, she wasn't going to admit it, at least not in so many words.

Cavanaugh sat there for a short while, mulling over what he had been told. “You know what to do regarding the suspension I've just issued.” Cavanaugh stood up, showing the meeting for now was over. “Expect IAD, and on this occasion I would highly recommend you have a Union rep with you.” He saw Jane's face harden and knew she was about to argue back. “You might have skirted close to the line on several occasions Rizzoli, but you not only went over one this time around, you came back in a fucking tank, drove right over it, tracks spinning, then got out, stomping your boots for good measure and obliterated it from sight. Take a fucking rep in with you, that's an order. I've no doubt the Fed's are gonna be all over this like a rash as well, so expect them to either be in the same meeting as IAD, or pulling your ass in separately. They will want someone to blame, and right now, you’re it. At least you didn't see Doyle, so that's one point in your favor, although god knows how it might help you. Now get out of here!” 

Jane didn't hesitate and quickly left the office, before collapsing in the chair at her desk. Frost, who had come back from the hospital stood up and walked over, before settling down on the chair alongside her desk.

“Any word from the hospital?” Jane queried.

“Nope. Both in surgery last I heard. Korsak is staying with the Doc.”

Jane nodded. “Good, that's good.” She looked up and gave a wry smile. “I'm on ten day's automatic suspension. You on the other hand, didn't know anything about Doyle, you hear me!” Jane could tell Frost was about to protest, and put a hand up stopping him. “Listen, there is no point us all getting suspended, or worse. There is no proof I told you about Doyle being back in town... and I want to keep it that way.”

“But Jane, we all agreed not to do that.” Frost said, keeping his voice low as he leaned in a little closer.

“No, the first you knew of it was when he appeared at the warehouse. As it is, we all might still get our asses kicked for not making it known that Maura is his biological daughter. It all depends on how shitty IAD wants to play it on the day.” Jane stood up. “I've gotta get out of here before Cavanaugh gets me kicked out on my ass. I mean it Frost, you didn't know!” Before Frost could make further protests, Jane strode out of the bullpen.

* * *

 

_“No I mean it... Don't you dare touch him.”_ Jane jerked awake, Maura's words echoing in her ears,having fallen in to an uneasy nap on her sofa. She pulled herself up in to a sitting position, realizing she was now stiff in more places than she cared to think about. Putting a hand out on to her lower back, she found the scars from her own shooting and cringed as they reminded of her of the days events in gruesome detail. She then grabbed her cell phone, and saw there were no calls. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset. Placing the phone down slowly on the coffee table, Jane sighed heavily.

“No news I guess is good news, hey Jo?” Jane looked across at her dog, who had crawled up alongside her, and was now curled up in a tight ball, waking up from her own nap, tail wagging slightly, hitting the cushions with a rhythmic thump, which somehow helped ground Jane's thoughts as she shifted position. She saw it was now very late in the evening, so stood up, grabbing Jo's leash, and seeing it, Jo jumped down, and began to run in tight circles around Jane's ankles.

“At least you still love me.” Jane found her voice cracked as she spoke, and before she knew it, she was sobbing, sliding down on to the floor. Jo was startled by what was happening, and initially backed off, before cautiously moving towards Jane, nudging her one hand with her nose, Jane not even registering the wet nuzzling against her skin.

* * *

 

Maura wandered in to her house, placing her keys down in the bowl she kept near where she hung her outdoor coats in the small entrance way listening to the unmarked police cruiser that Korsak had driven her home in, leaving her driveway. Patrick Doyle had survived so far, but was now under police guard, and Maura wasn't even able to see him. Patrick Doyle, the man who somehow had gotten under her skin without her even realizing it, until today. Now, she couldn't imagine him not being in her life, and even if he survived his injuries, Maura knew he wouldn't come away unscathed. He had fallen on the worse possible surface. Concrete was unforgiving. Nor was he able to try and orient his body in any way, or protect his head. Maura kept running the probabilities in her mind, his age, weight, the distance he fell. All the data kept turning over, and she knew the mortality rate alone was high. If he did survive, which still wasn’t entirely certain, he might never fully regain consciousness, and/or be quadriplegic. If he was truly lucky, he might only ever be a paraplegic. Whatever the consequences, he would never be the same again.

Maura then dropped her purse on the floor, and made her way further inside, before her tears began to fall in earnest and she collapsed on her knees, unable to go any further. Normally she would call Jane, but now.... Jane had betrayed her in the most fundamental of ways, and she could no longer trust her. Her heart twisted even more at the thought that she could no longer trust Jane, and without trust, there was nothing. Today, she had been left with nothing. Her life was empty and void. 

_What am I going to do?_

Maura didn't even speak, the same thought simply tumbled through her head continually, and for the first time that she could ever remember, Maura didn't have any kind of answer.  



	2. Letters

**Chapter two**

“Enough already!” Jane stumbled towards her front door, where someone was continually banging on the wood, making it rattle in the framework. “Jesus, wake the fucking dead why don’t you.”

Jane flung the door open, and cringed as Angela stormed inside, brushing past Jane none to gently. “Ma! What the hell?”

Angela spun around on her heels, bringing her arms up and folded them across her chest, having dropped her purse on the kitchen counter that separated the kitchen area from the rest of the room. “So, you gonna tell me what you’ve done?” Angela then demanded as Jane finished closing her apartment door, locking it as she did. Angela ignored the red rimmed, puffy eyes that Jane was displaying, not wanting to be deviated from her questioning until she was satisfied with the answers she got.

“Me, why do I have to have done something?” Jane began to move towards the coffee machine in her kitchen, and pleased that she’d had the foresight to set it up before she had finally crawled in to bed in the early hours, switched it on.

Angela twisted around to follow Jane’s movements. “What did you do yesterday? I hear that Agent Dean is in hospital, so is some kind of mobster, both shot, least that’s what Frankie's telling me. Constance is still in hospital having been run down, and somewhere along the line, it all connects, but no-one is telling me anything more, so I’ll ask again. What did you do!”

“Shit.” Jane muttered under her breath, before her chin fell to her chest and rubbing her hands across her eyes, pushing the palms of her hands in hard, Jane then tipped her face upwards. She looked at her Mother, who was still standing her ground, posture showing she wasn’t going to leave until she had some answers. “We better sit down for this one Ma.”

Jane moved to her sofa, followed by Angela, who still kept her tense posture, but dropped her arms in to her lap as they sat at each end, turning to face each other. “Well?” Angela finally asked as the silence began to creep up on them.

“Last year, due to a case, we discovered who Maura’s biological father is.” Jane began and stopped waiting for her mothers inevitable reaction.

“You knew, and you didn’t think to tell me!” Angela began, her eye’s wide with shock. “And what in the hell has that got to do with now?”

 “Ma, it wasn’t that simple. Her biological father is someone called Patrick Doyle, the mob boss currently in hospital. In hospital because I shot him yesterday.” Jane faltered, and for once Angela remained quiet. “I guess I need to go back to the beginning.”

 Jane began to talk, telling her mother all she could about Maura and Paddy Doyle, including the incident when Tommy was at Maura’s, Angela’s eye’s widening further, but she still managed to maintain her silence. Finally, Jane swallowed thickly as it came to the latest events.

“I had to shoot Doyle at the warehouse. Dean came out of nowhere and completely fucked the situation up. Now, I think Paddy Doyle was looking for someone to take another shot at him, and I can only think it’s because he didn’t want the truth about Maura to come out, let alone the prospect of spending the rest of his life in prison. I can’t think of any other reason for him to make the movement he did. He knew, as trained police officers, one of us would fire our weapon. Death by cop, rather than live and face the consequences. I was the cop … Whatever, Maura now hates me...” The last words of Jane’s confession were hardly heard as she whispered them, tears now streaming down her face.

Angela moved and gathered Jane up in her arms. “Shush baby. Maura doesn’t hate you, but it does explain some things.” Angela then said, her own voice soft and low.

“I made so many mistakes over this Ma!” Jane said, between sobs. “I was selfish, when Maura needed me. I didn’t report Doyle when I should have. I shot him... Dean, he lied to me... Oh god... "

Angela shook her head slightly, as Jane collapsed against her again, allowing Jane time to get it out of her system. Once she felt the tears decreasing, she slowly moved Jane away, who took the opportunity to grab some Kleenex from a box she kept on her coffee table, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. Angela then stood up, and went to her purse, which she opened. She pulled an envelope out, and pulling her purse back up off the counter, she moved towards Jane, and handed her the envelope. “Maura left a note in the kitchen this morning when I got up. I’m guessing she’s already at the hospital, anyway, she asked me to give you this. I’m going to give you time to read it, and I’ll be back at home if you need me.” Angela said quietly, before leaning in and giving Jane a quick kiss on her cheek. “I’ll let myself out.”

Jane watched as her mother left the apartment, before looking down at the envelope in her hands, suddenly aware that her hands were shaking. She then stood up putting the letter down on the coffee table, and walked to the coffee machine, pouring herself a mug, before taking a deep breath and settling down on the sofa again. She picked the letter back up off the table. For what seemed like an age, she spun it around in her fingers; corner to corner, diagonal to diagonal. She recognized Maura’s writing anywhere. Her precise neat script, in ink, so Jane knew she’d used the old antique ink pen Maura had been given by her parents when she graduated Medical school. She let out a quick breath, and without thinking about it any further, she ripped the top off and pulled out the sheets from inside

_Dear Jane,_

_I pondered about whether to even write to you, and decided whatever has come between us, I still owe you this letter at the very least. I just hope you can accept and understand the decisions and feelings I hope to express here._

_First of all, I still cannot find any way to forgive you for what happened at the warehouse. I truly meant it when I said I love you and now I feel that love has been taken away from me and I’m alone in this world again. Yet, you didn’t fully grasp my meaning behind the words. I ask you to contemplate this. When did you know me to ever declare my love for anyone? Did it ever occur to you the true depth of meaning I placed in that declaration? To make sure there are no misunderstandings, I am going to clarify it here. I love you Jane. More than just in a platonic friendship sort of way. I cannot say when my feeling began to change, only that it’s been a gradual process. It wasn’t until Tommy made his feelings known that I really began to face my own change of feeling toward you. I accept that you might not be able to return these feelings, nor do I expect that with this confession. However, I feel it is important for you to know where we, well, where I stand on this._

_I have never fallen in love with a woman before, and frankly I never expected to. However you wormed your way in to my heart, and took it in directions that I never thought were possible. You changed me, and helped me in ways I could never have dreamt of. For the better I might add. You came along and with your way, you also managed to change my entire relationship with my own mother. For all this, I cannot thank you enough._

_However, the events leading up to today (in comparison to the time I am writing this), I find I am completely at odds with the person I fell in love with, against the person you became. You broke the most fundamental  basis of trust between us; firstly by telling Agent Dean about Patrick Doyle, to then shooting my biological father, when I cannot believe for one second he would have taken action and hurt any one of you. I know you are trained to react in a certain way under such situations, but I still find it hard to believe you couldn’t have taken a second to process the information, to see if your shot was truly needed. Am I being naive? Perhaps, but I still find myself asking the same question. Did you need to shoot?_

_I realized that while I was watching over my mother, my adoptive mother that is, you were where? In your own bed, having a sexual liaison with someone who, it turned out, also took your trust and used it against you. Against us. Your lack of judgement though is ultimately what gave Agent Dean the reason to be in the warehouse. I fully believe that had he not been there, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing all this down. We might well be down at The Dirty Robber, drinking to the conclusion of the case. We might have to try and explain the death of someone from a gun no-one from the police department fired, but I’m sure we would have found a way to explain it._

_As it is, I am sitting here, trying to write through the tears that don’t seem to want to stop. Because of today’s events I’ve made some decisions regarding my own life. I know you are about to roll your eyes at what I’m going to say next, but I find myself drawn to the story of one of Shakespeare’s plays, Love’s Labour’s Lost. While a comedy in nature, somehow the storyline seems fitting for what I am about to embark upon. In the play, the King of Navarre and three noble companions undertake an oath to devote themselves to three years of study, promising not to give in to the company of women._

_I am therefore taking an oath to take a year away, not to study but to return to Médecins Sans Frontières. Yes, you know them as Doctor’s without Borders. To be away from the company of just one woman. I have already spoken to Médecins Sans Frontières and I leave first thing in the morning. By the time you receive this, I will already be on the start of my journey. Where I will end up, I do not know. I intend to also refresh my medical training while away, and possibly learn more than I already know, so I can perhaps do more in the operational aspect of their work. I do not intend to rejoin Ian. That part of my life is my past, and I intend to keep it that way. It is of course entirely possible our paths might cross, but I know I cannot give him the same love as before. My heart is now given to another, to you Jane._

_I have left a separate letter for your Mother, which I have left in the top drawer of my writing bureau plus another letter which I wish to be handed to my own mother. My greatest regret doing it this way is I will be unable to say goodbye to her properly. My one request is that you either call Angela and tell her where to find the letters, or hand it to her yourself, and if you could extend the same courtesy to my mother I would be grateful. I wanted to make sure you were the first to know of my intentions. I will be asking Angela to continue living in the guest house, and to house sit for me while I’m away, and also to look after Bass, via her letter. I will also arrange for monies to be made available to her for any costs associated with that. All Angela knows is I asked via a note, if she could give you this missive when she saw you next. If you wish to help her while I am away, I would welcome it. However, if it would be too much for you to deal with, I would also understand that. The choice, I leave up to you._

_I have with immediate effect resigned from my position as Chief Medical Examiner. They would be unable to offer leave of absence for such a length of time and I haven’t even bothered to ask for such an outlandish request. I do though intend to eventually return to Boston. As for my employment once I return, that is something I will face once I am back. I would hope to return to the medical examiners office in some capacity, but it would naive of me to expect them to offer me my old position once they fill it. I would most likely have to take an assistant’s position to begin with, and I accept this as being as a direct result of my decision to leave. Make no mistake, I am fully aware of what I am leaving behind and the consequences of it, at least in terms of my employment._

_I will return, as with the final acts of the play, within one year and one day. I want to know if our love can stay strong, at least as far as our friendship goes. I feel I can only know how true your feelings are by taking this action. I don’t want to be blinded by grief and anger as I am now. If you wait for my return, then I hope we can both move on from this entire calamitous mess._   
_As the bard himself wrote: The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo. You, that way: we, this way._   
_Jane, I feel we need to separate, I need to go this way to re-evaluate my life, and those in it. We need to go this way. I also ask you do not try to follow me. I ask you respect my wishes and give me this time._   
_I wish you no ill will Jane, and I hope you don’t do anything rash while I am away. One year, one day and I promise you, I will return. I truly do love you._

_Yours, always,  
Maura_

Jane had no idea she had been crying until a tear drop hit the paper, smudging the ink of Maura’s signature ever so slightly, enough for Jane to snatch the paper away from her tears, wiping it furiously, trying to preserve the words on the pages. She automatically began to smooth the pages out, not even wanting a crease from where it had been folded and placed in the envelope to mar it in any way. She wiped the tears from her face, before sinking back on the sofa, unable to stop the sobs that seemed to build from the base of her stomach, erupting with intensity that only seemed to increase. Jo had even scrambled away, and was now cowering in the bedroom.

Angela sank back on Maura’s sofa, having had a frantic phone call from Jane, telling her to retrieve a letter from Maura’s writing bureau that was addressed to her. Her eye’s rapidly blinked, as she tried to focus on the words a second time, knowing it wouldn’t change events, no matter how much she wished it would. She then stood up, and purposefully moved, heading towards the hospital. If she couldn’t change events as Jane’s mother, perhaps it was time to bring in the big guns. Besides, she had been asked, and by god she would make sure that she at least delivered the letter to Constance.

* * *

 

Constance shifted in her hospital bed, her features showing the shock she felt at reading the letter Angela had brought in with her. “I can’t believe she would do this. Why?” Constance finally managed to say, handing the letter back to Angela, who took it with a look of understanding and placed it on the small cupboard that sat alongside the hospital bed.

“Do you know Patrick Doyle?” Angela decided that she might as well not change a habit of a lifetime, and her question sounded as blunt as she intended it to be. She didn’t miss the quick flinch crossing Constance’s before she placed a mask of indifference, and didn’t answer the question.

“I fail to see how this is relevant.”

Suddenly Angela knew where Maura’s ability to deflect some questions came from. She shook her head slightly, “Oh believe me this is relevant. Last I heard, he was lying in ICU, reports unsure if he will survive the bullet wounds, let alone the fall to the floor from around 30 feet that he took. An FBI agent was also injured and is also still critical in ICU, having been shot by Doyle.”

As Angela spoke, Constance began to sit upright, hissing in pain the movement was causing her, but not willing to stop. “No, you’re lying.” Her words were ground out as she fought the pain.

“Why would I lie about something like that?” Angela said, seeing the pain that remained in Constance’s eyes by her news. “Patrick Doyle, how do you know him?”

“He...” Constance faltered, before taking as deep a breath as her battered body would allow. “He’s Maura’s biological father.”

“And also an Irish Mobster.” Angela supplied, with raised eyebrows. “Maura and Jane have known he was Maura’s biological father for some time now, due to a murder case they worked on together.”

 “And also an Irish Mobster.” Constance admitted, looking ashamed. “We were asked to take on Maura’s adoption by him, and it was the easiest decision I’ve ever had to make. Tell me please, what has Patrick got to do with Maura going off to Médecins Sans Frontières? She only says she needed to get away, and will return in a year and a day. That you or Jane would explain it further to me. What has happened?”

 “Jane.” Angela admitted, “It comes down to Jane. She shot Doyle at a warehouse, and made some decisions, that in hindsight weren’t the best my baby has ever made. Maura is angry, hurt and striking out. I’ve yet to talk to Jane again, who I know was also left a letter, so I’m hoping she can explain it all a little more for us, but until then, I want to know, do you know where Maura might be?”

 Constance shook her head. “No. God I wish I did. I’m still trying to understand this all. If Maura knew who Patrick was, and she didn’t tell me...”

 “I hate to say this, but, like you didn’t tell her.” Angela replied, her tone level.

 “You’re right, of course.” Constance fell back a little more in to her pillows as the pain began to override her ability to stay as upright as she had been. “I wish, I wish so many things between us had been different, but I thought we were protecting her.”

“I would imagine Maura thought she was protecting you.” Angela said, with a sigh. “This whole mess seems to have been created by a lot of people not talking at the right time, or when they do talk, it’s to the wrong person at the wrong time.”

Constance raised her eyebrows at Angela’s last comment, but decided now wasn’t the time to delve in to more questions than perhaps could be answered.

“Any idea when you’re going to be allowed out of here?” Angela then asked, genuinely wanting to know the answer. They had formed an unlikely friendship, and Angela was determined they would maintain that, if nothing else. Just because things had faltered between their daughters, it didn’t mean they had to suffer the same fate. If anything, their daughters needed their friendship to remain intact right now no matter how badly their own had fractured.

“Perhaps next week. A lot is going to depend on how stable my pelvic area is, and then I suppose I will go home to New York.”

“Stay at Maura’s.” Angela suggested. “I can help look after you, and you won’t be as alone. We can then talk about all this, and see what we might be able to do about our daughters, and knocking their stubborn heads together.”

“I don’t know if I could impose...” Constance began, not daring to admit the idea appealed. Apart from any nursing staff she might need to hire, she would be alone in New York. Surprisingly herself, she had grown to love the gregarious, loud American Italian woman who was currently sitting alongside her bed.

“It wouldn’t be imposing. Besides, it’s your daughters house. If anyone is going to be allowed to stay, it’s you, and Maura has told me to treat it like my own place, so I’m asking you to stay.”

“Very well.” Constance began to slip back in to the bed a little more, fighting the tiredness that had also now crept up on her, since the pain medication she had self administered a short time before Angela appeared began to take effect. “I will consider it.”

 Angela could only wear a wry smile as she watched Constance succumb to sleep. She slowly stood up, and she turned, now heading towards Jane’s apartment. She wasn’t finished for the day, not by a long shot.


	3. Repercussion

**Chapter three**

"Oh for the love of all that is holy." Jane muttered as she spied her mother through the spyhole in her front door, her forehead hitting the door with a light thud. Then Jane took a deep breath, before pulling it open, her shoulders slumping at the realization that her privacy was about to be invaded, whether she wanted it or not. "Just come right on in. No, really, make yourself at home." She said, sarcasm in full flow, as her mother once again brushed in past her, without uttering a word.

Angela sat down immediately on the sofa. "You and I are going to have a talk." She shook her head slightly as she spotted the used Kleenex that had accumulated in Jane's small waste bin that was to the one side of the sofa.

"Really? Never would have guessed! Great, this should be fun." Jane replied, her sarcasm still obvious as she also sat down, eyeing her mother carefully. "So, whaddaya wanna talk about Ma? How your daughter just won shittest person of the year award?"

"Less of your lip young lady. What are you going to do about Maura leaving!" Angela demanded.

"Nothing." Jane replied, her voice flat, although sounding raspier than usual, her eyes still red and puffy from all the crying she had done, and now her nose was tinged red, although not as badly as it might have been. She lightly pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stave off the headache and sore sinuses that was starting to hit with a vengeance.

"Nothing?" Angela shook her head again, only harder this time. "Why nothing?"

"Cos Maura asked me to let her go, and I've already fucked things up, so I'm not about about to start messing it up even further by going against her wishes." Jane said, shooting her mother a look to try and convey that she wouldn't tolerate further questions on her decision. She sighed as Angela firmly ignored the silent pleas.

"She doesn't really mean it! You're going to be the only one who gonna be able to fix it. So get off your ass and go after her."

"Ma, I can't." Jane's voice faltered. "Even if I had the remotest idea of where she might be, which I don't by the way, I can't go after her. She said she loves me, and she needs time away."

"Well, of course she love you! What isn't there to not love about you."

"I don't mean in that way Ma. She loves love me. You know?" Jane shook her head quickly, rolling her eyes at the same time.

"Loves love you? What in the hell kinda crap is that?" Angela looked confused.

"She loves me, in more than I wanna be your best friend kinda way." Jane sighed, and took a deep breath. "She has fallen in love with me."

"O..." Angela's mouth snapped shut before she could formulate even saying 'Oh', looking shocked as the words finally began to sink in. She sat back on the sofa a little more, as her mind turned the new information over. "Do you love her?" Angela finally asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"What the hell? What kinda question is that to be asking me!"

"The kind I think is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances, which you can't deny is far more than usual right about now. So, do you love her?" Angela shot a look at Jane, to show she expected an honest answer within seconds of the question being fired from her mouth.

"No ..." Jane blew out a long breath before looking back at her mother. "Yes ... No … maybe? I don't know." Her forehead fixed in a frown.

"You either love someone or you don't. Seems kinda simple to me." Angela said with a shrug of her shoulders. "And if you think I might be upset, yeah I'll admit I'd find it weird, but I still love you and you could do a lot worse than Maura."

"Oh god." Jane groaned at her mother's words. "I so do not want to be having this conversation." before she hid her face in her hands.

"When else do you expect to be having this kind of conversation? It wasn't exactly the sort of conversation I thought I'd be having when I arrived either!" Angela said with a shake of her head. "'sides, you've gotta get going after Maura."

That was enough to bring Jane's head out of her hands, and another warning look was being sent to her mother. "No, it doesn't. I've already told you, I've messed up once, I do not intend to do it a second time. Besides, I've gotta be around for IAD and the FBI, so I can't just up and leave."

"I'll talk to Sean for you..."

"Sean!" Jane practically shouted, "Since when have you been calling my lieutenant by his first name." Seeing Angela about to reply, Jane put her hands up. "On second thoughts, don't answer that! I cannot go Ma! No going to talk to Cavanaugh, Constance or anyone else you might have running through that head of yours. Some things have to be left to run their course, and this is one of them."

"Do you love Maura?" Angela persisted with her question. "A simple yes or no."

"Yes." Jane said quietly, "But I still can't go after her." she said, her voice steadier than a few seconds earlier.

"Okay, I get that you've gotta stay while IAD and the Fed's are about, but after that Janie, you are going after Maura!" Angela put her hand up to stop Jane's protests before they began, rolling her eyes, mimicking Jane's expression from earlier. "No, you listen, and you listen good. I can see what you both mean to each other, before you even said about her loving you, and you loving her. What you have, it doesn't come along often, and you've gotta grasp it with both hands. I made the mistake of just letting your father and I go along in our little rut, instead of taking it by the scruff of the neck and fighting for it. Now, it's too late. Too much has gone on for us to mend our marriage. You..." Angela jabbed a finger in Jane's direction. "You on the other hand are only just at the start of your journey. So, as soon as you can - go - fight for your friendship if nothing else. Don't take no as an answer. You both deserve more than this. Also, go ask, explain and see if they can hold Maura's resignation request for a little while at least... see if you can't bring her home, where she should be, not some third world country. I'm not saying her work there wouldn't be important, but she's needed here. She needs it."

"I don't know Ma." This time, Jane sounded less sure of herself, and inwardly Angela patted herself on the back, knowing with time, and a little more persuasion, she'd be able to get Jane to fight for Maura's return.

"Look at it another way. How long are they likely to suspend you?" Angela began to push the buttons she knew would leave Jane with little or no argument to what she wanted to spring next.

"God I don't know. I'm on ten days as it is, but I reckon they'll throw more than that at me." Jane admitted with a shrug.

"So, it gives you something to do. What use otherwise are you going to be? You'll be climbing these four walls within a couple of days. When you know how long, you get off that backside and you go find Maura. If money is a problem, I know Constance will help."

"Ma!" Jane shook her head. "No, if I do this..." Seeing the look of triumph crossing Angela's face, Jane looked at her pointedly. "I repeat - If... If I decide to do this, I'm doing it on my own. No help. No handouts or charity. I do this for myself and no-one else, not even Constance."

"Sounds fair." Angela agreed, seeing the wheels already beginning to turn in Jane's mind. "But remember, you won't have money for a while if they suspend you without pay, and Constance will have contacts you could use when you need them..."

"If I need them Ma. Geez!" Jane jumped in, pursing her lips, looking exasperated. "If. What part of that word don't you understand?"

"Less of being a smart ass. I blame your father for your smart mouth. I'm still your mother and can still put you over my knee!" Angela stood up. "I'm going, and don't forget, Constance will help." and before Jane could protest any further, she had slipped through the door and was disappearing down the hallway.

 

* * *

 "Detective, this way if you please." Jane rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath as she followed an FBI agent, who finally stopped and gestured she should enter an interview room, not unlike the one she had just left, having been reamed a new one by IAD, who were apparently seeking a month's suspension without pay. While she hated to admit it, having the union rep. in with her had helped matters. He had gone down the hallway to the right once they had exited the interview room, so Jane had peeled off to the left, and run slap bang in to the people she didn't want to face right now. She couldn't get the salacious grin the one IAD officer had worn all the way through her interview out of her mind. Ass wipe. God, luck wasn't on her side at the moment.

Once properly in the new interview room, Jane looked around, and saw there was going to be one other FBI agent with them, and that the recorder was also all ready set up, ready to go. She sat down at the chair being pulled out for her, not saying a word.

"Detective, if you wouldn't mind giving us your full name, rank and badge number for the record."

The voice was smarmy, and right at that moment Jane wanted nothing more than to knock his teeth down his throat. God what is with today and smug, officious bastards? Is a job requirement, or are they simply born that way? Jane wondered.

"Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli, Homicide, Badge number Victor eight two five."

The agent who had already been in the room nodded, as his partner then identified himself, his voice still grating on Jane's nerves, causing her to fight down the instinct to say something at the very least. She knew she had nothing to worry about from this interview. She had done nothing that they could touch her for. However, the opening statement they made floored her.

"Agent Dean was acting under express orders not to pursue the matter of Patrick Doyle and was on assignment elsewhere, but had taken time off and come back to Boston without knowledge of his superiors. To do all he did, he must have had help, and since you've already admitted to having a sexual relationship with Agent Dean, as well as telling him that Patrick Doyle was around, I guess that means you."

Jane sat upright in her chair, hands slamming down on the table. "What? Now wait one god damn minute. Whatever Dean did, he did on his own. His own stupidity put him in that warehouse, getting shot at! I thought he..." Jane stopped as she put the sequence of events together in her head. "Oh shit, he didn't have backup... he came alone, which means..." Her eyes flashed between the two agents, who were looking on, expressions emotionless.

 _Why didn't I realize this until now. Jesus Jane, you are not on your game you freaking idiot._ If Jane could have mentally slapped herself across the head at that moment she would have done. She schooled her features, and kept her internal dialogue firmly to herself, as she steadied her face and body movements needing to keep her head as straight as possible. "I had no idea Agent Dean was working without authorization. Nor did I know he was in fact working against express orders not to touch the case. I gave my statement of events to my lieutenant and to our IAD division, who I'm sure would give you copies, if you haven't got some already. Now, if that's all..." Jane stood up daring them to make her stay. She saw the one agent who had been sitting giving an almost imperceptible shake of his head to the other agent, which Jane recognized as being the signal to allow her to leave. She stormed out the room and headed straight to the ladies on the fourth floor. It was a quiet area of the precinct, really only used by the cleaning crews, who wouldn't be in for another few hours yet.

Once in the toilets, Jane quickly checked the stalls were empty, before rapidly punching one of the stall doors, both fists flying. "God damn you Dean!" Jane finally yelled as she fell away from the door that was now hanging precariously at an angle, before wincing, and walking over to the row of sinks, and turning on the cold water, she pushed her hands underneath, biting back the pain, as she watched the blood being rinsed away from her battered and bruised knuckles.

She felt the tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she thought of Maura, and how, if Jane were to go down to the morgue and present her hands in this state, Maura would grumble and complain, but with a gentleness, and a twinkle in her hazel colored eyes, would also clean Jane's hands up, use her own x-ray machine to check for any possible breaks, before putting some kind of dressing on the hands. Knowing that Jane didn't have that option, that Maura wasn't even in the same country, let alone the same building brought up the feeling of emptiness that until now, Jane had managed to keep in the deepest recesses of her soul. Suddenly, Jane felt the most exposed that she had ever done. Maura wasn't there, and without her, Jane's life was empty and meaningless.

* * *

 "Jane." Constance sounded a looked slightly surprised as Jane hovered on the edge of Constance's room, hands clasped behind her back. Seeing Jane's hesitancy to come inside fully, Constance smiled. "Don't stand on ceremony, please come in and take a seat."

Jane let out a breath, before moving in and sitting on the hard plastic chair alongside her bed. Her mind immediately flashed back to how Maura spent time sitting here, watching over her mother while she... Jane shook her head, not wanting or able to allow her thoughts to go down that path.

Constance saw the flash of anguish cross Jane's face, and she felt sadness hitting her all over again. There was no doubt that Maura meant a great deal to Jane, and vice versa. Angela had been popping in on a regular basis to visit, and had admitted that Maura had confessed in her letter to Jane, to being in love with her, and Jane... being Jane, was fighting the truth, but had also admitted she felt the same way. Now, to see Jane looking so lost and defeated, it tugged at Constance's heart.

"I hear Ma's been coming in and keeping you company." Jane finally broke the silence, sending a trademark grin in Constance's direction. "I apologize... Hell I've been trying to avoid her for over thirty years now, and I still can't do it." She added with a laugh. "You're looking better than the last time..." Jane trailed off, knowing her words were taking her back to dangerous territory.

"Your mother is... interesting, and I admit, I have enjoyed her visits. We've become firm friends. She has also been kind enough to bring in home cooked food. While the Isles might have some clout in certain circles, even I'm unable to change the awful hospital food."

Jane, despite the situation couldn't help the laugh that erupted, "Slumming it with the rest of us huh? I recommend you try the jello though."

"Indeed, and I'll take the advice on trying the jello."

"When do you hope to be released?"

"I've been told in about four or five days. I'm going to stay at Maura's." Constance watched as again, Jane's face betrayed the pain even the mention of her daughters name brought. Constance moved a hand out, and Jane, seeing the movement and knowing what the gesture was for, brought one of her own hands up, and laced them together, for once not even considering her scars, needing the comfort from the one person who could bring her closer to Maura more. Constance noticed some fading bruising and grazes across the knuckles, but chose not to mention it. "I'm so sorry Maura's actions are causing such distress. If I had known..."

Jane swallowed thickly, "Maura isn't to blame. I... did some really stupid things, and she has every right to be angry with me. If I'm being honest, I've not been on my best behavior towards Maura for a little while now. I have no excuse for it all, other than I wish I could turn the clock back."

"I hear they put you on a six week suspension. Do you plan to try and find Maura?" Constance's question was soft, and as she asked, Constance ran her thumb lightly across Jane's knuckles, deliberately avoiding the worst damaged areas in a gesture she hoped would help keep Jane calm enough to answer.

Jane blew out a long breath. "I want to, but I don't think it'll be a good idea, I don't want to alienate her further. Besides I wouldn't even have a clue where to begin looking. This is her world, not mine. Sure, as a detective, I've got some ways to do checks, but it isn't as extensive or as easy as it's made out to be on the cop shows you see on everywhere these days."

"Allow me to help then." Constance insisted, "As you say, this is her world, so, it's also mine. I can do some asking around without causing any ripples. You can then take the decision to use any information I've able to glean as you wish. You can either ignore it, or you could follow your heart and find Maura. Explain to her how you feel, be honest about what you've done wrong, and what you want to do, and if I know my daughter at all, she will listen. She might not to begin with, but if I trust anyone to be persistent, it's you detective. You don't strike me as the kind of person to give up, on any cause. Besides, I would feel a lot better as her mother knowing where she is and what she is doing. Finding out that much is also for my own benefit. I suspect Maura would anticipate me tracking her movements, and I also suspect she won't try to hide too much, leaving enough breadcrumbs for me to follow."

"Do you know where she might be?" Jane questioned.

"I would imagine it will be somewhere around Africa. Southern Sudan is currently in a state of war, and it's the sort of location where Médecins Sans Frontières will be."

"Great, snakes." Jane murmured with a slight shudder. Constance smiled at the reaction.

"Actually, the biggest risk is a lot smaller; the mosquitoes, carrying the malaria virus. If you plan to do this Jane, you will need to prepare in advance. Quinine or similar antimalarial medications would need to be taken at least two weeks before any planned travel to a mosquito location plus continued medication once there, and for a time on your return, then there are the required shots."

Jane's face paled slightly. "Really? Shots?" She finally stammered, her grip on Constance's hand unwittingly tightening.

"For things like yellow fever, also mosquito borne. You would need vaccination, again in advance of the date you might travel. I believe ten days in advance is the recommended time. Plus there are numerous other vaccinations that are recommended. So yes Jane, you would need shots." Constance couldn't keep the slight trace of humor she was feeling out of her voice, noticing how Jane was not at all happy with the idea of vaccinations. The big tough, rough detective doesn't like injections was the thought, and she somehow found it amusing, but also rather sweet that Jane was even contemplating it all, just to go after Maura. If I didn't have confirmation over how she feels about my daughter, and her protectiveness over her, I certainly do now. Constance didn't voice the thought, but smiled at Jane, who was looking back her wide eyed.

"Oh _crap_."

 


	4. A world away

**Chapter four**

Jane stepped out on to the tarmac, and was hit with numerous sensations all at once. The first was the heat. She thought she knew what a heat wave was, having survived many in Boston, at times without air conditioning, but compared to a Boston summer this was on another level again - it simply took the air out of her lungs. She could also feel the heat radiating up, even through the thick soles of the walking boots she was wearing, off the tarmac; which was sticky and obviously melting in numerous places. As one foot moved in front of the other, it reminded her of when she was a kid and spilt soda on the kitchen floor, that then wasn’t cleaned up properly first time around. Sucking at the bottom of her boot, trying to keep it stuck in place.

The next sensation was the flies. They appeared, seemingly out of nowhere and Jane would have been swatting them away with gusto, but for the small fact that her hands and arms were occupied currently carrying bags, meaning they were stuck to her sides, for now. They were buzzing around her face and landing wherever they wanted, and she was furiously blowing out of her mouth, trying to dislodge some of them that way at least. She didn’t care that her face was being contorted in to strange shapes as a result - she just wanted rid of the damned flies! Big, black and annoying - No-one thought to warn her about these mutant beasts!

The flight in from the south of Egypt  was an experience all of its own. It had been in a small twin prop plane. No stewardesses, or air stewards here giving instructions on where emergency exit’s, lifebelts or oxygen masks were. There was one entry point, some seats and not a lot else. No luggage carousels or baggage handlers, you did it all yourself. Bags were stowed at your feet, or if you had been lucky enough to get on board as one of the first passengers, there was a small baggage area by that lone doorway. She sent out a silent thank you to Constance on her advice on what to take, and how to carry it.

The plane was noisy, cramped, hot and got tossed around like a feather in a tornado. Jane had never been so grateful as she had been mere minutes ago when her feet had finally landed back on terra firma. Jane was not a nervous flier by any means, but even her nerves had been shredded by this last leg of the journey. She stamped her foot a couple of times, just to make sure she was indeed back on solid ground. Admittedly melting tarmac kind of solid ground, but back on the earth’s surface nonetheless. Just as she was getting her bearings and heading towards the shack that apparently served as the airports one and only building, she was stopped in her tracks at the sound of distant gun fire.

“It’s normal.” The dark skinned man who had accompanied her from Egypt spoke, seeing her hesitation, and wanting to reassure her, his voice a rich baritone. While he looked like he was from Africa, he was given away by the clipped public school English accent. He didn’t even seem bothered by the flies, as Jane watched, fascinated at the ones crawling on his face, unhindered. She couldn’t imagine ever being that calm with them around her. “Remember, you are entering a war zone.” he continued to say, with a small smile in Jane’s direction.

Jane nodded, and took as deep a breath as the heat would allow, before continuing towards the doorway. Once inside, the heat was just as oppressive, and it was obvious there was no such thing as air conditioning here. In fact, there didn’t even appear to be a fan of any kind, either from the ceiling, or free standing. Jane wasn’t even sure the place had electricity, and she had been warned that many places, even government buildings, such as they were, didn’t have power or it was restricted to certain times of day. The sweat was already dripping off Jane, as she put her one bag down quickly to wipe it away from her eyes where some had already found it’s way, stinging them mercilessly. She took the chance to dig her sunglasses out, grateful they were close at hand and easy to get to. Beads of sweat rolled down her back relentlessly, and her lightweight cotton shirt was soaked through and clinging to her, front and back. She could feel the sweat also soaking the waistband of her cotton pants, and she hoped that where they were heading had a shower of any kind.

“Hey, Mark, please tell me there is a shower at camp?” Jane couldn’t quite keep the slight whine out of her voice.

The Englishman turned to face her, a deep laugh ringing out. “There are shower facilities at the compound here, however it is nothing more than a tin sheet area, with cold water. A lot different than you’re used to.”

“Right now, I don’t care.” And Jane genuinely didn’t. The thought of cold water hitting her heated, sweaty, grimy skin sounded like heaven. A hose, like the one her father would turn on her, Frankie and Tommy in the backyard at the height of summer would even be welcomed right about now.

“Good.” Mark looked at his watch, and picking up his own bags again, he began to walk towards the front of the building. “Our car should be here any minute.”

Jane picked her bags up, and followed the tall man, whose physical appearance could be intimidating. It was completely at odds to his profession as a Doctor and the serenity he exuded. Jane could only imagine he was an excellent doctor who put patients at ease and she sent out her second silent thank you to Constance for putting him in charge of her care whilst here. It wasn’t often Jane trusted at the first meeting, but she knew she could trust him implicitly, and Jane also knew he had helped Maura when she last worked with Doctor’s without borders; while Constance didn’t say much, Jane knew there was a story there she wasn’t privy to - but she sensed he was someone who saved Maura from a dangerous situation. If he was trustworthy enough for Constance and Maura, he was trustworthy enough for Jane. He put an arm out as Jane began to draw level with him, stopping her short. 

“Stay away from windows.” He explained softly. 

He didn’t need to elaborate further, shattered glass if hit was a danger and Jane suddenly realized this was real... she was smack bang in the middle of a war between ethic groups. Looking closely Jane saw tape crisscrossing the glass, obviously to try and avoid it shattering completely if it was hit. She jumped as she heard a noise that sounded like more gunfire, only to laugh at herself as a car, which had undoubtedly seen better days pulled up outside, backfiring as it went. Mark smiled. “Our carriage awaits.”

Jane smiled at his use of words. As they stepped outside, Jane was also then aware of the smell of burning. She had heard that some towns had been razed to the ground, burnt so nothing was left standing, and she wasn’t sure if the smell was as a result of burning homes, or fires being used by the Southern Sudanese to cook on and do other daily chores. Her thoughts were broken as a man jumped out of the drivers side, a wide smile on his face.

“Markie boy. So good to see you.”

Jane immediately picked up on his English accent, albeit less refined that Mark’s. She hung back slightly as the men hugged briefly. The driver pulled away, and moved towards Jane.

“And you must be Detective Jane Rizzoli. I’m Fred. Driver extraordinaire.” he thrust his hand out, which Jane took and shook, nodding her head.

“And camp clown.” Mark teased as he opened the trunk of the car, stowing his bags, before turning and grabbing Jane’s, tossing them in as well, before slamming the trunk shut.

Jane still hadn’t had a chance to speak, and was watching the ease of interaction between the two men, obviously borne from a long standing friendship.

“Doesn’t speak much does she.” Fred said to Mark with a wink.

"Hey, I speak just fine. It’s kinda difficult though when facing the two of you and your constant chatter.” Jane replied, a grin of her own appearing, feeling at ease already, despite hardly knowing either man. “So, what you gonna stand here and gossip like a couple of old women, or are you planning on getting out of here anytime soon?”

  
“You didn’t tell me she was feisty.” Fred said with a wide grin, and suddenly Jane realized that the friendship between these two men went beyond just good friends. “I like feisty.” Fred added, before moving back to the drivers seat.

“Well, are you just going to stand there complaining all day, or do you plan on coming with us?” Fred said, as he rolled down his window using the manual winder, which sounded like it was about to die at any minute. Jane wondered how often they had to pull the glass back in place or push the window down using brute force.

“Really?” Jane fixed him with the best Rizzoli stare she could muster, eyebrows fixed towards her hairline, before opening the passenger side front door, noting that Mark had already hopped in the back seat. “I like you too by the way.” She then said as she slammed the door closed, unsure how hard she needed to be to make sure it latched properly. The last thing she wanted was it falling open as they drove along. She then realized there was no seat belt, and she hoped it wouldn’t become a problem, although she also knew it would allow her to exit the vehicle quickly if needed. She wasn’t sure if she was soothed by the thought or not.

“Can we keep her?” Fred looked in to his rear view mirror as he asked the question, and Mark simply shook his head.

“Hey, why talk to the monkey when you can talk to the master.” Jane piped up, earning another of Mark’s deep laughs.

“I do believe you have finally met your match Frederick.” He said, clapping a hand on Jane’s shoulder, before the laughing continued at the pout that Fred had plastered across his face.

Jane looked out of the window and the car moved across what could only be loosely described as streets. There had been a brief patch of road that actually resembled something Jane could recognize as a highway, even two lanes for the majority of it, but that quickly disappeared on them. If it wasn’t for the occasional donkey and cart, so far they had been the only moving vehicle since leaving the highway properly, although there were plenty of vehicles on the roadside, in various states of repair. The surface they were driving along was basically nothing more than compacted sand, with white buildings on either side of various heights and uses. People were walking around, but obviously very wary, eyeing the car with suspicion as they passed them by. Jane finally twisted back in her seat.

“So, let’s see if I’ve got this right. The main compound is in Mogadishu, which is in Somalia. You have a total of what, 12 projects throughout the country?”

“Thirteen.” Fred amended quickly, “including our compound here in Juba. Some are simply vaccination campaigns, others offering more complex medical treatments. Although, due to the rising violence, just today we’ve had to temporarily suspended medical activities in Pibor County, Jonglei State. We’ve also had an attack on the compound in Mogadishu, and two long standing members lost their lives." 

“I heard that sad news on the deaths, but I didn’t know about the suspension of Pibor.” Mark couldn’t hide his shock at the news, and Jane watched Fred carefully. Gone was his carefree attitude, replaced with pain and anguish.

“The decision only happened an hour or so ago as I was coming out to get you. The ten international staff are being relocated back here to Juba, and locally hired staff were strongly advised to leave their town or village and seek refuge in the area. Although we have established contact with a few of them, many cannot be contacted as they have taken flight along with their families and neighbours. Their precise whereabouts are unknown and we are deeply concerned about their safety. As I left, there was a more concerted effort to find out about many of them and bring them here if they wanted.” Fred didn’t try to hide the worry in his voice. 

The solemn news completely changed the whole atmosphere in the car, and Jane became even more aware of the danger Maura had placed herself in, let alone what she was doing here. The next question was one she almost didn’t want to ask, but she knew she had to. “Do you know where Maura Isles is located?”

“She was one of the ten in Pibor, so she’ll be back here in Juba sometime soon.” Fred answered, looking across quickly at Jane, a flash of understanding on his face, before returning his focus on the road. “At least its a safer place. Although, it is possible some might already have asked to go elsewhere on temporary assignments until the Pibor clinic is able to reopen.”

“Maura would want to carry on helping.” Jane said, resignation in her voice.

“You are most likely correct.” Mark piped up from the back of the car. “However, she will have the maximum protection that can be offered and it will be fully documented as to her location. Besides, you know how to use a gun don’t you?”

“Lot of good that’s done me recently.” Jane replied, earning a look of confusion from her companions who didn’t have the back story of her being there, other than needing to track Maura down. “Let’s just say, the last shooting I was involved with has resulted in the reason why Maura and I are now in this fly infested location.” Jane swatted a fly as she spoke as if to enforce the point, a frown creasing her face. “So, if Juba is the capital, why is the main compound for you guys in Mogadishu?”

“Partly due to it’s history as an important port town to this area of Africa.” Mark began to explain. “While it’s also seen it’s own battles and civil wars, the location offered excellent airport facilities until the ‘90’s when the airport effectively shut down. By then though, the compound was established, and it was felt best not to move unless we had to. Initially set up with no time frame in mind, thirty years later, we’re still there.”

“I suppose it makes sense, rather than having to relocate it all. After all, I guess any one of these countries could erupt into violence at any moment. You could move, only to find yourself back at square one again.” Jane mused, her head turned again, chin resting on her hand which she had propped up on the door itself where the window met the metal framework.

“Told you I liked her. Mind, sharp as a tack.” Fred said, a smile creasing his features, deepening the lines on his weather worn, and well tanned face, giving him a slightly rogue look that Jane actually liked, his light brown hair falling down around his neck line in a scruffy, almost hippy look that he seemed to favor. It was in direct contrast to Mark, who even with the heat, looked as if he was hardly breaking out in a sweat, with only minimal patches showing up on his white t-shirt. He screamed money and breeding, while Fred was obviously blue collar working class. Jane couldn’t help but be struck by the parallels between her and Maura, and she felt her heart constrict at the thought.

Now that she was here, she was beginning to question and doubt herself. Constance’s reassurances that she was doing the right thing now seemed hollow. What if Jane was about to make things a thousand times worse? What if Maura didn’t talk to her? What if it drove Maura into more dangerous situations just to get away? The questions were swirling around her mind, and she was so engrossed in her own thoughts, it wasn’t until Fred reached over and gently touched her shoulder did she realize that they had stopped moving.

“Earth to Jane?” Fred said with a twinkle in his eye. “Penny for your thoughts?” l

Jane shook her head. “Not worth a penny.” She then looked at where they were, and saw there was a heavily guarded compound ahead of them, with armed guards patrolling a perimeter on some kind of gang way above their heads, with watch towers on all four corners. She was immediately reminded of many of the prison’s she’d visited over the years.

“We need to go through a metal detector on foot, while they search the car.” Fred explained, as Mark let himself out.

“Any searches on us?” Jane asked, wanting to know so nothing came as a surprise to her. While being frisked down was never something that she enjoyed, she understood the need for such security and would grin and bear it as necessary. 

“They do a light pat down. Nothing too invasive unless they have reason to believe you’ve got a gun or drugs. Only licenced people are allowed to carry weapons once inside the walls.” Fred said, before unfolding his tall frame out of the car, Jane quickly joining him and Mark, taking the chance to stretch out a little, muscles now bunching tight from all the cramped travelling conditions she’d had to endure over the past forty eight hours.

This was when Jane hated being so tall. Seats in aeroplanes in particular were not designed for anyone over five foot five she’d come to the conclusion. Her pride in Maura and her ability to work under the conditions was rising with every second that ticked by. While Jane was under no illusions, and knew that working in countries like this would be tough, the experience really hammered home the sort of sacrifices you made to help others. It had shocked her to realize that Maura was a lot tougher than she sometimes gave her credit for and that was now to change. Jane found herself questioning if she would have the strength of character to work here, on a completely voluntary basis, and she honestly didn’t think she could.

She was now in a small line of people, shuffling forward as they were being put through the security check point, Mark just in front of her, Fred behind, having been told to grab her passport just before they joined the queue as well as an ID card she had to get before traveling in to the country that was mandatory for everyone to carry. Jane had been sternly warned, that she could lose her passport, but to make sure the ID card was carried on her at all times.

She took the few minutes to try and center her thoughts again, steadying the slight shake in her hands she had been surprised to find as she picked her passport and ID card up out of the one bag. Jane was the most nervous she could ever remember being. Any minute now, she could be coming face to face with Maura, and she didn’t know if she was ready. She felt Fred’s hand in the small of the back, and she suddenly saw the line had moved along, so she shifted forward, before looking over her shoulder, sending a small smile of thanks to Fred, who returned the smile, and a wink.

Jane opened the door to the small concrete block structure that was effectively just one room, with a tin roof, with some wooden cot style beds inside, mosquito nets covering them entirely. She moved and dumped her bags down on the bed in the corner, facing the door. Mark and Fred followed her inside, also dumping their bags on the floor alongside a bed respectively.

“Hope you don’t mind having to share?” Mark said, “We don’t usually have to share in a mixed sex setting for a number of reasons including accusations of impropriety that might occur, but with the closure of the Pibor camp, we’re a little full at the moment. It was us, or a larger room with some other women, many of whom don’t speak English.”

“This is fine.” Jane said, tiredness beginning to seep in to her voice, as she pulled a bottle of water out of her bag, unscrewing the top, taking a healthy gulp; she put the top back on and placed it on the floor within reach of the bed. She then moved the netting and stretched out across the bed, the mattress surprisingly comfortable, despite not being the thickest. The foam though seemed to hold up well, and right now, she would have happily curled up on the concrete floor to sleep if she had to. Her head then shot up off the pillow, “Do either of you snore?” 

Fred laughed, having settled down on his own bed. “Not badly so I’ve been told, and Mark is a light snorer as well. Certainly not enough to disturb you.”

“Thank god!” Jane said, her head hitting the pillow again. “Bugs, flies, creepy crawlies, I think I can cope with all those, but snoring.... argh! No!”

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m planning on getting some sleep.” Mark said, as  he slipped under the blanket and sheet on his bunk, having only taken the time to pull his boots and socks off, before wriggling around, and producing his pants a few seconds later, that he simply allowed to crumple on the floor in a heap alongside the bed. Jane followed his actions, as did Fred, and within minutes the only sound was the lightest of snores emanating from two of the three bunks.

Jane’s planned shower would wait for another time.


	5. War

**Chapter five**

Maura pulled out the band she had in her hair, dragging her fingers through to untangle it a little, before pulling her hair back into a new pony tail. She then sat down on the small fold out wooden chair, that was placed alongside a small folding table, obviously part of a set. Her task now that she had completed her rounds was to write out her report for the day so far, as dust swirled around, already falling on to the log book she had open. She blew on the page gently to dislodge what was there, before pulling out her favored ink pen, slowly unscrewing the cap off. The log book was part diary for Maura, part record for those on site. She used the notes here to write up more formal reports, separate to the already meticulous medical notes that were kept, when she needed to.

I have no idea whether this is being reported on the news yet, but we’ve just entered a particularly difficult time here. I knew this was the most volatile area when I arrived just a couple of weeks ago, but no-one imagined how it would grow as out of proportion as we’re facing in such a short time. The camp is now operating well beyond its capacity and has been for a number of days, and the numbers just keep on increasing. Whereas there were ten of us, plus around one hundred and fifty locally drafted workers for around twenty thousand, of which around three thousand were children, and a couple of thousand elderly, we are now looking at ten times that number, but with the same number of staff. We have the emergency team set up as recommended when dealing with situations like this, and I cannot praise them enough. Without the work they have done, the chaos would be unworkable.

Maura paused to take a small sip of water out of a bottle that was on the table, as she peered through the flaps of her tent, watching as people walked around, dust being kicked up with every step they took. The sounds of people talking, shouting, pots clanging around cooking fires and children crying was the background noise that rarely changed, even at night. Maura tapped the page again with the end of her pen, tipping it at the slightest of angles, to make sure it was as clear of fine particles of grit as possible before she set about writing again.

Sometimes it is frustrating when we are having to work with minimal water supplies, spaghetti every day made from local wheat, with dust particles as much a part of their makeup as the flour, and working flat out seven days a week. However, I know I will be returning to a place where water usage isn’t a problem, where shelter is a solid home around me. Where I will have no oppressive heat, or dust that invades everything you do. Let alone no threat of rape, torture or bullets. It’s those reminders that keep me, and I know, the others going. I will admit though, these are by far the toughest conditions I’ve faced and I know, those like me who have experience with MSF, have said the same.

The majority of our population are women and children, and our biggest problem, other than overcrowding, has been to get women to be admitted in to our hospital as an inpatient. It’s become clear that when they have a number of children and/or elderly relatives that they are solely responsible for, their distress and refusal make sense. When they share the high energy food we give to those most severely malnourished, because otherwise their children would go hungry, you have to cede to their wishes. Because this is a problem we are facing more and more, we’ve decided to set up a more informal area in the camp, whereby we hope it will encourage the women to remain with us in treatment, but with facilities for the children to stay with them. It hasn’t been easy, because it takes up valuable room in an already packed arena, but we felt the benefit far outweighed the problems caused. So far, although it’s only been running a few days, it’s been a huge success.

Food supply is now becoming an urgent issue because of the sheer number of people who have descended upon us. We can only supply limited amounts, none enough to fully feed the people here, and I know a request has been placed for this to be addressed as soon as possible. I can only hope we don’t have to wait much longer.

Maura stopped again as someone poked their head around the entrance way.

 “Sorry Maur... But we need you.” Alice, another American from New York, and the head nurse working immediately under Maura looked and sounded apologetic, and Maura simply gave her a tired but understanding smile.

“I’ll be right there.” Maura then carefully closed the book, having once again blown across the pages gently. Partly to help the ink dry, as well as to remove the ever present dust, before standing up, stiff already, but ignoring the burn in certain muscles. She picked up her bottle of water, stethoscope and small medical bag, before heading outside, where Alice was waiting for her.They began to walk towards the hospital building that was in the middle of the camp, as Alice explained the problems.

Maura walked into the small, crudely built building, and into the small intensive-care space which could only house three beds. It was as far removed from an intensive care unit you might find in most Western hospitals as you could imagine. From the main hallway there was also two separate wards, one for critical and severely-wounded patients, the other for less critical and walking wounded. All beds were full, and some gurneys with people lying on them were now also spilling out in to the corridor. Maura frowned as she pulled her stethoscope off her neck, hooking it in to her ears, and began to listen to the patient Alice was most concerned about. She made a mental note to discuss the overspill issue once she was done here. It looked as if they were going to have to set up tents to cater for the numbers and use gurneys as makeshift beds. Far from ideal, Maura knew, but preferable to the alternative, which was in effect nothing for these people.

Maura finished her examination of the child that they wanted her to check in on, and looked back at Alice, who had taken the time to check IV’s and charts of the other two patients.

“We need to call in Michele Ledecq. Tell her I’ll get the theatre ready and be her number two.” Maura knew almost immediately this was beyond her scope, she needed Michele as the resident surgeon to come in and operate.

Alice nodded and disappeared from the room to use the radio to call in Michele who was currently just outside camp in the mobile unit they had.  Maura walked out, and strode through the hospital to the small staff room at the far end, and opening the door was relieved to see Stefan, the young Austrian anesthetist who was on staff. He looked up from reading a book when the door opened and Maura saw his face change, as he knew she would only be there if she needed his services.

“We need to take Pal back in to surgery. I’ve called Michele in from the field. I think there is still an internal bleed that we’ve failed to get first time around.” Maura explained, as she moved towards the kettle and quickly put it on before making herself a tea, knowing she had a little time before she would have to go to the operating theatre.

Stefan stood up and joined Maura in making his own tea, as they both then sat down on the hard unforgiving chairs. “”I hear this is your second time around for MSF.” While Stefan had worked often with Maura in such a short space of time, this was the first occasion they had spent any time alone together, and this woman intrigued him. 

Maura nodded, already noting the worn out features on the young mans face. He had been there for a couple of months and it was his first time volunteering, and Maura could tell it was already taking a toll on him. “I did some work with them before I went on to become the Chief Medical Examiner for Boston.” 

“I heard you did something like that. Seems like a big change, to come back to something like this? You either stay with MSF, or like me, and I think you as well, you join when you first qualify. Not many come back like this for a second time.” Stefan said, his voice low.

Maura glanced across the rim of her mug at him, not sure how much information she was willing to give out. “Let’s just say I had personal reasons to do this again.”

That seemed enough to satisfy his curiosity and they finished their tea in silence, before heading out to prepare to operate.

* * *

 

Maura and Michele both instinctively ducked as they heard the gunfire coming from somewhere in camp.

“Keep going?” Maura asked, even though it felt as if her heart was beating out her chest. She could see the fear she was feeling echoed across the eyes and faces of everyone in the operating room, even with masks on, hiding most of the face. It took all her concentration to not be transported back to Boston, and the shooting at the precinct, to the pavement, to Jane.

Doors could be heard banging, and shouting was coming from all directions. Michele bent down, determined to somehow keep her concentration, as Maura continued to assist. Alice stood at the foot of the operating table.

“Can I go and see what is happening?” Alice asked, her eyes meeting Maura’s for a split second.

“Stefan, do you need Alice?” Maura’s voice raised, partly in fear, partly so she could be heard above the ever increasing cacophony of sound. Hearing his ‘No’ being yelled back, Maura tipped her head up enough to see Alice already leaving the room.

“Michele, how much longer?” Maura asked, worried they were about to get caught up in something that was about to become dangerous to them all.

“Ten minutes, perhaps. If we’re lucky.” Michele’s heavily French accented English as distinct as the woman herself. Tall, close to six foot, with striking piercing blue eyes, the likes of which Maura had never seen before unless the person was wearing colored contacts, which Michele definitely wasn’t. She had long flowing blonde hair that would fall down to her waist, which was currently pulled up and hidden under a washed out pale green surgical hat. 

Michele wasn’t someone you forgot in a hurry, and was one of the best field surgeons Maura had witnessed, even surpassing Ian’s skills. Her calm exterior was often matched by Maura’s own, even if they both knew internally they were scared, making them a formidable pair when working together. Their working partnership had already become the stuff of legend within the ranks of workers on camp, and even further afield, unknown to either woman. That Maura could speak fluent French only helped cement their growing friendship, as well as the working relationship.

Maura knew that luck wasn’t going to play a part, and if Michele said ten minutes, she would work as much as possible to pull it off. Dust suddenly began to drift down from the ceiling as something hit close to the building, exploding, causing even the usually mellow Michele to swear under her breath in French. “Merde!” her eyes shot up towards the ceiling, seeing how much dust was coming down, and trying to work out the risk to her patient.

“Shit indeed.” Maura said, as she splayed her own body across the torso of Pal, trying to protect as much of him as she possibly could until they felt the air was clear enough to continue. While they were used to operating in very basic, sometimes less than ideal conditions, especially with the mobile units, the last thing they needed was for Pal to have some sort of post operative infection due to the explosion. Just as Maura moved back off Pal, and Michele started working on him again, a very flustered Alice came back in to the room, pulling on fresh latex gloves as she did.

“We’re being ransacked and looted.” Alice said without preamble. “Armed men, I’m not sure how many...” Alice stopped as another explosion rocked the building, and Maura, Michele and Stefan all breathed a sigh of relief that it didn’t dislodge any more debris from the ceiling.

“Are we letting them take what they are after?” Maura asked, her voice still raised. The command that had been drilled in to every worker before being allowed out on the field was clear; if they found themselves under such circumstances, don’t fight back and allow them to take whatever they need. Medical supplies could be replaced, lives counldn’t.

“Yes. I made sure that the order to unlock medical supply cupboards was issued.” Alice replied, before moving back in to position to help finish up, as Michele began to close the incision with quick, practiced movements. It wouldn’t be her neatest work, but it would suffice.

“Good. What about...”

Maura didn’t get a chance to finish another explosion hit, only this time, a small section of the external wall bowed in towards them, and the roof timbers began creaking.

“We need to get out of here now.” Michele said, as Stefan was already sorting out from his end, so they could get Pal on to the gurney and out of the room. Maura had moved and was pushing the gurney to set it alongside the operating table, while Alice and Michele prepared to move him, which they did in a practiced motion. Within seconds he was on the gurney and they were wheeling him out, as far away from the damaged area as possible. They got in to the corridor, only to be greeted by chaos, as people were rushing around, trying to help those who needed it, others who were mobile enough taking the decision to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

“Take him out to one of the Land Cruisers.” Maura shouted. “Time we got out of here.”

Michele, Alice and Stefan all nodded, as Maura broke away from the group, shouting orders to evacuate to all the staff she could find as quickly as possible, with the most critical patients to be stowed in the Toyota Land Cruisers that had been adapted for just such a scenario. She then ran, dodging panicking people, heading towards her tent, only stopping long enough to grab a small rucksack she kept for such possible situations, the log book and satellite phone so they could call back to Juba and appraise them.

Maura never thought she would ever have to abandon a camp like this, despite having been trained with full evacuation procedures on both times with MSF. Sure, she had to run a few times from villages or area’s that didn’t take kindly to western interference as they saw it, and had even been involved in a camp evacuation on her first MSF voluntary period; but this was the first time that she would be the person issuing the order to abandon the camp, and many of the people housed within it. She then flung herself to the floor, as gun fire once again erupted around the camp, and peered up enough to see dust and dirt being kicked up not too far from where she was, as bullets hit the floor. She crawled along, and finding a wall of one of the other smaller buildings in camp, stood up and using that to shield her, she made her way back to where the Land Cruisers were parked.

Maura had never been so relieved as she was the moment she broke cover from the building to find one of the Land Cruisers heading her way, Michele in the drivers seat, leaning over, and opening the passenger door, slowing down only enough so Maura could scramble in, throwing her rucksack and book in ahead of her. Maura then twisted around and pulled the door closed, before collapsing back in to the seat as Michele picked up speed, mindful of the scattering, frightened people around them.

“Exciting, yes?” Michele said, with a small smile on her face, as she began to accelerate, the way becoming clearer of people and obstacles.

Maura changed position and looked back, to see Alice tending to Pal. “How’s he doing?” she then asked.

“All things considered, he’s doing okay.” Alice said, looking a lot less tense as they finally left the confines of the camp, as she adjusted the oxygen flow from the mobile tank they had. “He’ll be coming around soon. Stefan was driving one of the other Cruisers with Subin in the back, and Jean Paul as the nurse.”

Maura nodded and turned back to face the road. “Exciting is one way to describe today's events. It certainly wasn’t what I had planned when I woke up yesterday morning. So, there are five of us accounted for, I’m assuming the others are in the two other Cruisers?” Maura finally answered Michele, whose beaming smile was enough for Maura to break out in one of her own, out of sheer relief that had got out unscathed.

“As far as we know, yes. Some of the local people were going to sort out the patients we’ve had to leave behind before making their own way out of camp. So, where to?” Michele then asked, unsure where they should go.

“Gumruk, the clinic there won’t be up to taking patients except on a temporary basis, but unless they have also been attacked, it’ll give us a chance to regroup and call in to Juba. They are the nearest as well.” Maura picked up her rucksack that she had put down in the foot well, and pulled the phone out where she had stowed it seconds before leaving her tent. She was relieved it appeared undamaged so she carefully put it back inside the rucksack for use later.

“Sounds good.” Michele agreed, as she shifted gear, avoiding a massive boulder that suddenly appeared out of the sand with the ease of someone used to driving in such challenging conditions. “We have diesel in the cans, so we can go a long way before having to stop. Also plenty of water. If we have to, we can go straight on to Juba.”

Maura nodded, knowing each Toyota carried additional cans strapped on to various points outside the vehicle for additional fuel as well as plenty of water. Everyone knew if something happened, those were the two most important items they could possibly have on them. There was also a small tent available for them if needed. As well maintained as the vehicles were, breakdowns, punctures and similar problems were commonplace, and could potentially leave them stranded for a long time until help could reach them.

“You should sleep.” Michele suddenly spoke, looking across to Maura briefly, concern showing. “I know you’ve been up all of the night as well as yesterday. Take this chance to recover. I did get sleep last night, so I can drive as long as possible.”

“I’ll try.” Maura didn’t want to tell Michele, that no matter how tired she was, she often found it difficult to sleep in a moving vehicle, but knew she could at least try to meditate and rest. She opened the rucksack, and pulled a sweater out from it’s depths, which she then bunched up, and placing it between her head, the corner of the seat and window, she tried to settle down. She closed her eyes, and began one of her meditation routines.

Maura woke up, surprised to find she had fallen to sleep, and she moved, putting a hand out on to her neck, which felt like she had a crick in it. She closed her eyes briefly, as she rubbed to try and ease the tension there.

“Did you sleep well?”

Michele’s voice was welcoming and soothing, and Maura moved so she was sitting upright in the seat properly, trying to get her bearings. “It was... needed. How long have I been asleep?” She then asked, noticing dusk was fast approaching. She also then noticed there was at least one other Cruiser in tandem with them, it’s tail lights showing up a short distance ahead.

“A couple of hours.” Michele replied. “Stefan caught up also.”

“So I can see.” Maura pointed out towards the windshield to show she’d spotted the lights. “We should be getting in to Gumruk soon then.” Maura turned around to see Alice was sleeping, and Pal was awake, albeit obviously not fully with it. Sending a smile his way, which he saw, and smiled back, she looked across at Michele. “Status?”

Michele knew it was Maura’s way of asking how Pal was, without alerting him to the fact knowing he could speak some broken English. “Good, stable. I told Alice to also catch up on sleep.”

Maura settled back in her seat with a sigh. “God what a day!” earning a chuckle from Michele.

“Always one for the understatement, no?”

Maura chuckled as well, “I don’t know quite how to describe today. I always hoped we would never face something like it, but at least we’ve got out without injury or seemingly loss of life.”

“That much is true.” Michele acknowledged, as both women reflected silently over the people that had been left behind, knowing that there was little they could do to change the situation, except potentially get hurt of killed themselves. It still upset them both though, even if neither was willing to show that for now.

“So, what do you plan to do once we get to Gumrak?”

“Call in to Jubar, and get a change of clothes if at all possible. I’ve been in these scrubs for two days and they are frankly rather rancid.” Maura replied. “I guess we’ll then be called back to Jubar once we’ve got patients settled. Always assuming of course that Gumrak is stable enough to leave them.”

“Let us hope we can get back to Jubar with little trouble then.” Michele said, her grip tightening on the steering wheel ever so slightly, the only outward sign of her worry and tension.

Maura wasn’t looking forward to a drive to Juba that she knew would take around five hours over roads that were barely recognizable as being highways at all. While the distance to travel was only around two hundred miles, it felt a lot longer because of the poor road surfaces, or at the beginning, like now, no real road at all, but track ways that they had to follow. She sighed heavily, as she looked out of the window, watching the sun beginning to set. At least the sunset and sunrise’s here were beautiful as the they went from vivid oranges, to deep reds and on occasion, purple within minutes, color swirling around an otherwise barren sandy landscape.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - I can tell my brain isn’t always in gear at the moment. I meant to say on the previous chapter’s authors note that some of the descriptive to do with African countries is taken from the real experiences my Father had from over ten years working in Africa (mostly North Africa, but on occasion Uganda and Kenya).
> 
> As for MSF, some of the information is taken from their website, some from a friend who helped, although not in Africa, and as she said, her time wasn’t under the same extreme conditions she knows happens there - and some is guess work, which I hope isn’t too far from the truth. My apologies to MSF if it is. I think their work is absolutely incredible and vital. Finally - The information about the loss of two MSF members in Mogadishu, is true and they have had to pull out of Pibor County, Jonglei State, and had two out of three camps ransacked there. Truly desperate times.


	6. Camp

**Chapter six**

“You bastard!” Jane looked over her shoulder at Mark, who was trying to prop himself against Fred, as he burst out laughing at Jane’s reaction. She looked back at the bathing block, and tugged on the towel she had slung over her shoulder which had begun to slip down a little, and tightened her grip on the small wash bag, plus the pile of clean clothes she also carried. “You said it was a tin sheet shack type thing! With cold water!”

“You didn’t.” Fred sounded shocked, and began laughing as well. “Oh well played my son!” and he clapped Mark on the back.

“My son? You and your weird assed English expressions.” Jane muttered under her breath, turning back around to face both men. “So I’m assuming there are proper showers in here?”

“Yes. With hot water.” Mark finally wheezed, as he began to control his fit of giggles. “And a bath if you want one. Its got a shower curtain that you pull around it to give you privacy. Just make sure the curtain is left open if you decide on the bath when you’ve finished, so other women see it isn’t occupied and they can use it and rinse it out afterwards. Nothing worse than going for a bath to have ring of soap scum still present. We have an electricity generator on site, which is why we have power, our own water bore hole and drainage system.” 

Jane walked over and shoved him in the chest playfully, realizing the dull drumming noise she had heard from the moment they had arrived must be the generator Mark was referring to. “So, where are we going to meet up once I’ve had the luxury of a bath or shower; I’ve not decided which yet.”

Mark straightened up a little, and pointed to another white single storey concrete block building just a short distance away. “That’s the canteen block. We can meet you there for breakfast.”

“Do you have coffee?” Jane’s mouth was almost salivating at the idea of some coffee.

“Yes Jane, we have coffee, tea and even a selection of fruit juices. Cereal, fruit, croissants and toast are the only food offerings though. No eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes or similar. The milk can be a little dodgy though on any given day, so I wouldn’t recommend the cereal unless you know it’s okay.”

“Right, so noted, no cereal.” Jane began to turn back to the bathing block, before looking back over her shoulder just as she started to disappear through the doorway, “Revenge is a dish best served cold! Remember payback is a bitch!” she yelled back at the two men, who both suddenly straightened up at her words.

“She’s serious isn’t she?” Fred stage whispered, as Mark audibly swallowed. “This is all your fault!” he then said, his voice accusing, with a slap on Mark’s arm.

“Hey!” Mark exclaimed, “She might not do anything?” His voice sounded a lot more hopeful than he felt.

“Mark this is someone who works in a male dominated field, where practical jokes must be rife! Of course she’s going to do something, and I bet she’s got years of practice as well. You and your bright ideas.” Fred shook his head as he began to walk off. “I need a cup of tea!”

* * *

Jane emerged from the bathing block feeling better, even if she was already sweating through her clean shirt. She had discovered it was like being at the beach, and that sandy grit got everywhere, and it was impossible to be completely clean, but compared to what she had felt like, it was as if she were positively gleaming. Jane then quickly hurried back to the small block where they were sleeping, and placing her towel out to dry and disposing of her dirty clothes and wash bag, she sauntered back toward the canteen block. Walking in, she saw Mark and Fred, who waved her over. 

“Quite the swagger she’s got going there.” Fred murmured as they watched her coming towards them. “There is more to this story than we know. Is your gaydar pinging? Because mine is going off the damn chart.”

“I know.” Mark agreed, with a wry smile. “Whatever the story is, at the moment, it’s none of our business.”

“Then we should make it our business.” Fred argued quietly, but his protests were stopped as Jane finally came close enough to overhear them. “This talk isn’t over.” he said softly, before looking across to Jane with a smile.

“It’s all self service.” Mark quickly explained as he stood up and guided them over to where food and drink was set up along one wall. Jane grabbed a tray, and was drawn immediately to the coffee, which she dispensed, and pulling the paper cup up to her nose, inhaled.

“I think you’re supposed to drink, not sniff it.” Mark said, earning him a slap on the arm and a chuckle from Jane, who then ignored him as she looked across the rest of what was on offer.

Jane then grabbed a banana that didn’t look as it if was too far gone or overripe and a croissant, before heading back to the table. She settled down quickly, and the three of them ate and drank in companionable silence. Just as Jane was draining the last of her coffee, someone walked in, and seeing them shouted across the room.

“Oi, Fred, satellite phone call for you.” The messenger glanced down at a scrap of notepaper he had, “Says here it’s a Doctor Maura Isles.”

Three people scrambled out as quickly as they possibly could, all thoughts of food and drink forgotten, eyes from other people in the room swivelling around to watch the three of them launching out of the door as if they were on fire, leaving a very bemused messenger still standing in the canteen.

“Maura!”

Mark’s voice sounded like heaven, even though it was slightly distorted. Maura felt herself already relaxing, knowing her friend was at Juba.

“Maura? Talk to me woman!” Mark’s voice sounded slightly more urgent, and Maura was suddenly aware she had failed to acknowledge him, and the silence must be worrying.

“I’m so sorry Mark, it’s just so good to hear your voice.” Maura spoke quickly, as she settled back against the hard chair in the small cramped office of the clinic in Gumruk, the satellite phone held firmly against her ear. “It was also unexpected.” she admitted. “I was expecting Fred, because I thought you were still away for another week.”

“I was,” he agreed, omitting the small but very significant fact that he had returned early after Constance had pleaded with him to bring one Jane Rizzoli to the compound. “We got recalled. Have you heard about the loss at Mogadishu of two long standing members?”

Maura stiffened in her seat. “No, I hadn’t. That’s awful.”

“Things are getting tense. You need to return to Juba as soon as possible. Lekongole clinic was also attacked as well as your camp. Gumruk so far is the only place in the region to escape. I don’t need to tell you how lucky you have been.”

“I know, I was told that the order to evacuate back to Juba had been issued yesterday but we were already in the midst of an attack so didn’t get it until we arrived here.” Maura took a deep breath. “It has been... difficult.”

“Darling, are you okay? Is there something you’re not telling me?” Mark could hear the tension in Maura’s voice, and was suddenly concerned she hadn’t told him everything. 

“I’m fine.” Maura was quick to reassure. “It wasn’t the most pleasant experience to face, but we got out uninjured, and with the most critical patients alive. We stayed here for the night and we’re just going through final checks, and getting the few patients that came with us settled. We should be back in about five or six hours, so long as there are no unexpected surprises on the way. I’ve charged this phone up, and it’ll be on the whole journey, in case we need to call in. I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to a bath! A proper, bona fide bath, followed by a coffee. As much as I enjoy tea, I am not ashamed to admit I’ve missed my coffee.” Maura said with a light laugh, and it was mirrored by Mark’s own chuckle down the phone.

“I will make sure it will all be ready for you when you get back. I might even throw a croissant in there for you.”

“My hero.” Maura replied, her tone growing serious again, as she was reminded of the times she had said the same words to Jane, and her breath hitched in the throat for a second, and she was pleased no-one else was close to see her moment of weakness and that Mark was at the end of a phone and not in the same room. Maura hoped he hadn’t picked up on her mood, and inwardly sighed when he spoke up again, seemingly unaware of her very small, but significant emotional melt down.

“I’ve told you, I’ll happily parade around in a cape, a big red S on a t-shirt, with my underpants on over my trousers.” Mark teased. 

“Pants! Not trousers, but pants!” Maura sank back into the old habit of them teasing each other and their language differences.

“Yes, pants over my trousers... as in underpants, underwear, Y-fronts.” Mark said, his voice light again.

“Oh too much information is now being shared. Somethings should stay strictly between you and Fred. How is Fred by the way?” Maura suddenly felt guilty for failing to ask about him already.

“Oh he’s well.” Mark winked across at Fred, who was sitting alongside a very tense looking Jane. “Let’s just say there is a new person in camp, and he seems to have met his match. She hasn’t let anything get past her so far. He’s beginning to run out of ideas.”

“Really?” Maura’s next words weren’t able to come out, as she closed her eyes, knowing how much like Jane she suddenly sounded and how she seemed to have unwittingly picked up one of her favorite expressions.

“Yes, really.” Mark replied, unaware of the turmoil one simple word had elicited with Maura, but he watched with interest as one of Jane’s eyebrows cocked up and her interest was obviously captured even more.

“I cannot wait to meet the person who has Fred at such a disadvantage.” Maura was quick to gain her composure. She then looked up as the leading doctor of the Gumruk clinic appeared in the doorway. “Listen I have to go, but we’ll see you later.”

“Gods speed.” Mark said softly, “We will await your arrival eagerly, coffee and croissant at the ready.”

Jane felt like she could hardly breath as Mark ended the call, and he looked across at her with a questioning expression.

“So far, out of respect, I have not delved too deeply into why Constance asked that I accompany you to find Maura. I gathered that Maura made a decision in haste, and Constance believed you would be the best person to come and talk to her. Nor do I wish to disrespect you or Maura in any way, but it is now clear this is more than a simple friend coming to talk to another in need. Is there anything we need to know before Maura arrives?"

“Act in haste, repent at leisure.” Jane let out a self deprecating laugh. “Kinda fits here. You’re right, this is a lot more complicated than I think I can even begin to explain to you both. Suffice to say, Maura could either kill me, run even further away, simply smack the crap out of me, or if I’m really lucky I might just get away with a verbal lashing.”

“Sounds like a bit of juicy salacious gossip.” Fred piped up, with a twirl of his hand. “I say, you tell us everything, after all, where are we going? We’re all stuck in this compound until Maura arrives back this afternoon or it could even be this evening.” Fred looked at his watch with an exaggerated motion, “Which by my reckoning gives us at least five or six hours of doing nothing but twiddling our thumbs. So, spill!”

Jane rolled her eyes. “You know, if anyone else would have said that to me, they would have been walking around bow legged for a week, not able to sit down.”

“Ah, but I’m not just anyone, and besides, I’m irresistible.” Fred countered, with a flash of a grin, before lowering his voice. “So, tell Aunt Fred all about it.” He then reached over and patted Jane’s one forearm, before setting back on his chair, crossing his legs in a dramatic fashion, hands clasped in his lap, a grin still across his face. 

* * *

 

Fred sat there, slightly slack jawed as Jane finally ended her tale as to what led her to being in the middle of the Juba compound awaiting Maura’s return. He finally gathered his wits, and pulled himself a little straighter in his chair, looking across to Mark, who was looking equally as shocked. Jane shrugged her shoulders as she took in the expressions on both men.

“I did try to warn you.” was all she could think to say.

“I’ll say!” Fred was the first to speak up. “You do know when Maura sees you she is going to go fucking ape-shit!”

“Fred, language!” Mark admonished him, making Jane laugh, drawing a look of surprise from Mark and Fred.

“You..” Jane pointed to Mark. “It reminds me of Maura and me,” Jane paused for a second, “Maura and I, Maura and - forget it - it reminds me of Maura when she’s having an aneurysm over my language. That or my lack of grammar. ‘I hate it when you forget Mr Adverb.’” Jane mimicked, as she explained why she had found it so amusing. 

“Oh darling, I can sympathize.” Fred’s hand shot out and gripped Jane’s with a look of pure sympathy crossing his face. “It’s a cross though we have to bear for those we love.”

“Yeah, well I’m not sure I’m ever going to get the chance to prove to Maura how much I love her. I made a lot of mistakes over a very short space of time, mistakes I’m still trying to work out how Maura will forgive me over.” Jane admitted, with a slight shake of her head. “The biggest mistake being Agent Gabriel Fucking Dean.”

“He used you Jane. He used emotions to get you to trust him, where ordinarily you never would have said anything. He was an FBI agent, not some jerk off the street.” Fred’s voice was soft as he tried to console the obviously distraught woman. “Yes, your judgement wasn’t as good as it might have been, but we all make mistakes, and Maura will come to realize this.”

“Mistakes don’t cost lives.” Jane argued back, venom in her voice. “Dean died because of me, and Doyle effectively has no quality of life left. He would probably be better off dead, rather than the hell he is now having to live.”

“Dean died because he ran into a building without adequate back up. Had he warned you of his intentions, at the very least he could have worked with you, but you had no idea what he planned to do, therefore you couldn’t have prevented it. You were ready to take the shot from your position to bring down Kevin Flynn, you had a clear shot did you not?” Mark took up the argument.

“Yes, but that’s not...”

“Listen to me. You had a clear shot, but Doyle fired first and then Dean interfered. You’ve said yourself, on reflection Doyle didn’t make a move to show any sort of danger to Dean, it was almost as if Dean was calling out just for the effect and didn’t give Doyle time to drop his gun, and took the shot anyway. Whatever the reason, Dean had a personal problem with Doyle, and decided to do something about it, against orders. You on the other hand went by the book the whole time you were in the factory. Even if you hadn’t told Dean about Patrick Doyle, do you really believe he didn’t already know, and that you just gave him the conformation he needed?” Mark sat back and watched Jane carefully, sad to see she didn’t seem to be allowing herself any forgiveness in the whole mess.

“It sounds to me as if Dean would have been there anyway. Why else turn up in Boston when he did? Maura is intelligent enough to know you had to act as trained, and on reflection she most certainly must already have come to that conclusion, not matter how much she questioned it. She will also know that on more than one occasion, you turned a blind eye about Doyle, out of your love for Maura, even if it meant going against everything you believe in as a police officer and detective. That somehow you would have covered the use of Doyle’s gun that killed Kevin Flynn or cover that Doyle was there to protect his daughter. Whatever the decision, both would require that you would lie to protect Maura, and deep down she knows that.” Mark persisted.

“It still doesn’t absolve me of the decisions I made about Dean.” Jane said quietly.

“Maybe not, but as we’ve already said, mistakes happen, and sometimes you have to forgive yourself before you can even expect others to. Maura would know that at some point you would have to attempt to arrest Doyle, the outcome could have easily been the same. Who's to say that on another day, its the same situation, but different outcome. Hindsight is a wonderful, but also very powerful and destructive thing. There is no doubt you and Maura have a lot of talking to do, but I’m sure that it will work out for you in the end.”

Jane smiled weakly at Mark and Fred, and with a sigh got up, and uncharacteristically gave both men a light hug. “So, when is the grand tour of this joint you promised to give me first thing this morning happening?”

* * *

Maura got out of the Cruiser, stretching as she did, before finding a suitable bush to relief her now very full bladder. Walking back, Michele then disappeared behind the same bush, coming back a few minutes later with a look of relief across her face.

“I’ll drive in from here if you wish.” Michele said, since Maura had taken on the driving from Gumrak. Although only an hour and a half from Juba, it was a difficult drive by anyones standards. Alice was already in the back, having been the first of them to hop out for the impromptu toilet stop. She had declared complete disinterest in doing any driving, insisting she was happier being a passenger.

“It would be nice to get a break.” Maura admitted, as she pulled a bottle of water from the middle console, taking a sip, before offering it around, and having been declined by both other women, screwed the top back on, placed it back in the holder. “I’m just going to take the opportunity to call in and give Juba an updated progress report.”  

Maura didn’t even blink as a Toyota pickup truck passed them at that moment, with a camel lying down in the back, roped in. Alice though looked on in awe, still not used to the sight that was commonplace in many African countries.

Maura, having called in with an update, put the phone away in her rucksack, before climbing back aboard, Michele already settled in the drivers seat. Just at that moment, Stefan drove up behind them, and pulled in alongside Michele’s side, both winding down windows.

“You okay?” Stefan asked, looking concerned.

“Toilet stop.” Michele explained quickly. “You want to travel in with us now we’re together again?”

“Sure.” Stefan looked at his two passengers, who both nodded, and without another word, he wound his window up, and pulled in behind Michele.

Jane was lying down on her bed, when Fred came in. “I’ve just heard, Maura is due in any time now, they’ve been spotted pulling up by the front gates.”

It was enough for Jane to jump up, and she began pulling her boots back on, adrenaline flooding through her body, her hand automatically going to her left hip, only for her to realize she wasn’t carrying her gun. She hadn’t known just how much of a comforting habit reaching out to feel the butt of her gun in the holster had become, until she was forced to be in a situation such as this without it.

Maura got out of the vehicle, and blew out hard, before turning around, and giving Alice a fierce hug.

“We made it!” Alice’s voice betrayed the relief she felt in the statement.

“Yes, we did.” Maura looked around, and was just as relieved to see there was no line at the checkpoint. “Next stop, a bath.”

Jane watched as Maura walked through the checkpoint, a small rucksack slung on to her back. She was followed by a dark haired small women, who briefly hugged Maura, before disappearing in a different direction. Jane’s eyes were then drawn towards a tall very attractive blonde, who Maura then pulled into a hug that went on for a lot longer than the previous one. Jane felt her stomach tie up in knots, as they then kissed each other on the cheek, and still holding hands tightly, began to walk further into the compound. They looked far too close for Jane’s liking and since it was so unlike Maura she almost had to do a double take. Had she been too late? Had Maura already moved on, despite her promise to return and she only loved Jane? Had her love for Jane made Maura aware she did have feelings for other woman after all?

“God I’m going to be sick.” Jane managed to say, before she ran towards the toilet block that was mercifully right behind where they were standing, darting in to the nearest unoccupied stall, barely getting to it in time before her stomach erupted, much like it had the day of the warehouse.

Maura looked up, and seeing Mark and Fred, she turned to Michele, finally releasing her hand. “Vous êtes magnifiques, Michele.”

Michele smiled down at the shorter woman. “As are you, now go, say hello to your old friends. I want to find somewhere to sleep for a week.” Michele lent in and once again, kissed Maura on both cheeks, before walking away with a wave.

Maura turned back to face Fred and Mark, and a frown crossed her face as she saw a look that she could only describe as disappointment or disapproval on both their faces. She decided the events of the last couple of days was enough for her to misreading the signs, so she smiled and walked over towards them. She was shocked when neither man reached out towards her.

“What, no hug?” Maura asked as she got close enough, unsure quite what had happened for them to be so... cool towards her.

Fred raised his eyebrows. “Didn’t take you long to move on.” He said rather cryptically, increasing Maura’s confusion.

“Move on?” Maura stood back a little. “What on earth are you talking about.”

It was at that moment that Jane, looking haggard, her face pale, reappeared in the doorway of the nearby toilet block, right in to Maura’s line of vision. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth. “Jane.” she barely whispered, shock registering on her face. She stumbled as her legs betrayed her, and she struggled to remain upright. Seeing her falter, Mark finally moved, a hand coming up to her elbow, steadying her. Once he felt Maura was settled again, he pulled back, giving a look to Fred.

“I think we should leave you two to talk.” and both men walked off, leaving the two women staring back at each other, neither sure what to say or do next, the shock still registering on both their faces.

It wasn’t until Jane went deathly pale and sprang back towards the toilets did Maura move, following her inside.

* * *

 

* Vous êtes magnifiques - Well my rudimentary French did massacre this the first time around, thank you to those who nicely pointed out what it should be - * You are magnificent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - The camel aspect mentioned in this chapter - just so you know, it happens! My father was speechless the first time he saw it in the nineties. Just check out Youtube, search Camels, Toyota pickup!


	7. Reunion

**Chapter seven**

“This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I thought about seeing you again.” Jane finally said as she turned around, still kneeling on the concrete floor, before shifting position so she was actually sitting on the floor, her back resting against the one stall wall.

“I could say the same thing.” Maura replied, pleased to see some color finally returning to Jane’s cheeks, and now that she knew she was feeling better, she felt the anger beginning to rise. “What the hell do you think you’re doing anyway!”

The sharpness of the words took Jane by surprise, who looked back at Maura with a worried expression. “I thought that was obvious, puking up in a toilet in some godforsaken African country, under the obviously mistaken belief you might actually want to talk to me.”

Jane knew her retort was too hasty, but seeing Maura react the way she just had, mixed with the sheer emotion that she had been carrying around ever since the warehouse was enough for her to react. What she didn’t expect was the stinging on her cheek as one of Maura’s hands came out, slapping her - hard.

“You...” Maura’s voice was taut, as she fought her anger, and failed. “I told you not to come after me, and once again you’ve gone against my wishes. Dammit it Jane!” Maura began to stand up, and opening the stall door, she walked out, fists clenched tightly to her side.

Jane scrambled to her feet and followed, not wanting to make a scene in a very public toilet block, especially since they were already getting some sideways looks from other women who were in there.

Without thinking, as they stepped outside, Jane grabbed Maura by the elbow and physically dragged her to the small room where she had been sleeping and sharing with Mark and Fred, grateful it wasn’t too far to walk. Once there, she quickly turned around and closed the door behind them, before leaning back against it, partly to prevent Maura from leaving, and partly because she needed the support it was giving her, her legs shaky. 

“We need to talk.” Jane finally said once she was sure she had got her breathing under some semblance of control.

“No Jane, we don’t have to talk. We don’t have to do anything.” Maura’s chest was heaving up and down as she struggled to contain her anger. “I told you to stay away and you didn’t. How do you expect me to even talk to you when you can’t even obey one simple request.”

“Obey?” Jane looked incredulous. “What the hell am I? Some kind of fucking slave at your beck and call?” Jane ran a hand across her face quickly, trying to get her own temper back in check. “So, it’s all right for you to give me all kinds of ultimatums and explanations, but you don’t even give me a chance to respond in any way back? What kind of fucked up logic is that Maur...” Jane’s voice trailed off, and she took a deep breath. “So, you’re angry, I get that, but running away never solved anything.”

Jane thought that Maura was beginning to calm down, and so was taken by surprise as Maura reacted to her words with yet more venom. “Running away? Did you just accuse me of running away? I’ve just had to run for my life after being shot at, having had explosions hit the side of the building as we were operating on someone, leaving god knows how many people still in need of urgent medical attention because we couldn’t stay there; and now you’re accusing me of running away from things!” Maura demanded, crossing her arms across her chest, defensively.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve accused you of, and I don’t want to bring what you’ve just faced in to the argument, because it’s not the same at all, and you know it.” Jane wasn’t about to back down, and stepped in closer to Maura, pushing even harder. “You can’t just tell someone you have fallen in love with them, that you are angry and hurt, without giving them a chance to talk to you about it all. Its selfish and.... It fucking hurts Maura, all of it...” Jane had to stop as the tears threatened, and she turned her back slightly so she could wipe her eyes and gain some composure back before looking back at Maura again.

“You are utterly unbelievable.” Maura said, her words tight. “You’re hurt? I feel as if someone reached in and ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it down on the floor and danced all over it. You did that Jane. You broke my heart in so many ways I can’t even begin to explain.”

“Don’t you think I don’t know some of what I did was wrong! I had to take the shot Maura, Doyle had his gun raised! I don’t apologize for my actions at the factory, but you know what, I will say sorry for some of the things I did before that happened.” Jane stopped and took a deep breath. “I fucked up with Gabriel Dean, and that is my biggest mistake, sleeping with him. Not just because I fell in to the trap of believing his shit, but I also should have been at the hospital, supporting you. I wasn’t Maura, and I cannot change that, but you have to believe me, I didn’t do any of this knowing what would happen could possibly destroy what we had. Even if the events in the factory hadn’t happened, I would still be looking back and hating what I did then. Your friendship,” Jane’s voice softened. “Your love, they are more important, even if I didn’t show that right.”

“No, I can’t believe that. If you loved me, even as a friend, you never would have made the choices you did.” Maura said, her own tears threatening to spill over. “I spent all my spare time after you got shot Jane at the hospital. I know it isn’t the same thing, and I know I told you to go find the bastard who put my Mother in hospital, and you did just that, but I would have hoped, I would have liked, that you would have at least come back to me when you had chance, instead of sleeping with someone, whatever his final involvement turned out to be in all this. Since you shot yourself Jane, you’ve not been the same. You wouldn’t allow me near you once you went back to your apartment and we’ve been slowly losing our friendship ever since. I don’t know what is wrong with you, because you won’t talk to me, and now you are here demanding we talk! Forget it.”

“Maura... You need to know something else, and I honestly had no idea, you’ve got to believe me on this. Dean, he was doing it on his own. I found out afterwards that he was effectively rogue.” Jane stopped as she watched Maura process the information, and for the first time, could see something other than hatred and anger crossing Maura’s face. “The damn Fed’s even accused me of helping him, knowing he was working against orders. I don’t know what his fucking problem with Doyle was... but he used me, either to confirm information he had, or to get the information he wanted, and they can’t even get him to collaborate my version of events that I had nothing to do with it, at least knowingly. They can’t prove either way, but they rode my back for days Maura, fucking days, even when IAD suspended me, they kept calling me back in, with the same fucking questions and accusations, and Dean.... he can’t even tell them I’m not a fucking dirty cop.” 

“He’s dead?” Maura asked, suddenly realizing she had no idea of the condition of Dean or her father.

Jane merely nodded. “Doyle, he’s alive, barely.” Jane dipped her head. “It’s not looking good for him.”

Maura looked on. “I knew that probabilities weren’t in his favor. I hate that you did this to another human being Jane.”

Jane’s head snapped up, her eyes blazing. “Fucking hell Maura, he was a mob boss, having killed God only knows how many people. He was armed, and didn’t drop his weapon. He knew if he didn’t drop it, we would fire back.”

“What are you saying he wanted you to shoot him?” Maura looked shocked, and her anger began to return. “That’s absolutely preposterous Jane.”

“Is it?” Jane looked at Maura, not batting an eyelid. “Think about it. How do you think the factory situation would have ended otherwise? Doyle knew we coudn’t lie to cover up for him if Dean lived, because he could and would report that not only did we know Doyle was your biological father, but that Doyle was injured and we could have arrested him. Had we let Doyle go, like we most likely would have had Dean not been there, he knew it would rain all kinds of hell down on us...” Jane held her look, “Rained all kinds of hell down on you Maura. We couldn’t just say a mystery shooter appeared, took out Kevin Flynn and before we could arrest him, he had fled. I am absolutely convinced that Doyle took another way out. He wanted us to take the shot.” Jane stopped, catching her breath. 

“I cannot believe that for one minute. I think it’s just a fanciful way for you to try and justify what you did.” Maura replied, with a shake of her head.

“Think about it, that’s all I’m asking. Process what you know, the facts, god dammit Maura. It’s what you do, but I don’t expect you to see it now, just think about it later, when you can look at it objectively. But you know what, I am also so grateful to Doyle, because he took the shot when Kevin Flynn threatened you. I know were were there, but I don’t know if we could have got our shots away in time. So I am so pleased, because he saved you from possible serious injury, possibly saved your life. Whatever I might think of him Maura, he protected you, and I owe him for that. As for me... I have felt lost. I can’t sleep right, apart from the first couple of days I’ve not been back to my apartment since....”

At that admission, Maura did look shocked. “What? Why?” The question was out before Maura could censor herself.

“Why do you think? Because I can’t look at the bed without thinking of... I would go to bed couldn’t go to sleep on the bed, and tried sleeping on my sofa as an option, but hell - even being in the apartment reminded me of him being there... and that you weren’t. There was no way I could go to your place, or even Ma’s. Can you imagine that? Not going to happen! Ma, one house, me another... only way we can even be civil to each other.” Jane waved a hand in front of her, taking another step slowly forward without realizing it. “I’ve slept on Frankie’s sofa. When I can sleep that is.”

Maura just shook her head, and seeing that Jane was no longer at the door, she moved and before Jane could stop her, she was walking out. Jane ran after her, and Maura turned around, so Jane almost collided in to her, stopping herself in time, boots skidding on the sand.

“I can’t do this right now. I mean it Jane, leave... me... alone!” Maura said, her voice low and menacing. “I’ll....” Maura paused for a second. “Dammit, I don’t know what I want, but I do know I can’t talk to you at the moment. It’s too much.”

Jane watched as Maura stormed off, before her arms came up and wrapped themselves around her body, fighting back tears, as she slowly turned and went back in to the room, closing the door as she went, before collapsing in the bed in tears.

“Uh oh.” Fred murmured, glancing at Mark with a nod of his head to indicate what he had seen, as he spotted Maura bearing down on them. “This doesn’t look good.”

“No, it all looks hunky dory.” Mark said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, and he braced himself for the tirade that he could see Maura was about to launch in their direction.

“How dare you.” Maura came right up in to their personal space, nostrils flaring. “How dare you interfere in my private life!”

“Whoa, now hold on just a minute.” Mark said quickly. “I was simply asked by your mother to bring a Detective Jane Rizzoli in to camp, and to help her find you. I had no idea what it was about, otherwise I wouldn’t have agreed.”

“But you know now don’t you!” Maura said, her anger not dissipating. “And still you did nothing but help her. You know what, fuck the lot of you!” she spat out.

Mark and Fred both looked on speechless at Maura’s words, as she spun on her heel and walked away. 

Fred’s one index finger came out and shakily pointed in the direction of Maura’s back as it began to disappear amongst the crowd of people who were all moving around the compound. “She swore, as in properly, absolutely no shadow of a doubt swore. She used the ‘F’ word! Oh man, this is worse than we thought.”

“We need to find Jane.” Mark moved and Fred found himself following out of habit, still trying to process the last few minutes. Mark could hear the odd mumble under Fred’s breath of ‘she swore. She doesn’t swear, not like that.’ the words repeated a number of times.

“Fred, for goodness sake, be quiet.” Mark turned around just as they neared the room, and they were both suddenly aware that Jane could be heard crying inside.

“I’ll let you take this one.” Fred said quickly, knowing that Mark was the one who would be best to help under the circumstances, “I’ll go see if I can’t find Maura.”

“Okay, just...” he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose, the one sign Fred knew was a sure signal he was stressed. “I don’t know what we can say to either of them at this point, but we we need to try and at least give them some comfort and hope they sort it out.”

“I hear you!” Fred said, “Let’s just hope they both can come to their senses before the damage becomes irreparable. They might not know it, but those two need each other. The vibes those two are giving off about each other is testing my gaydar to the limit! It’s close to breaking point. They need to either hit each other for twelve rounds in a boxing ring using the Marquess of Queensberry rules, or hump like the energizer bunny to get rid of the sexual tension.”

“I might love you, but sometimes your crudeness makes me cringe.” Mark said with a sigh.

“I might be crude, but you know I’m right. As for loving me, that’s a given!” Fred then looked around so he knew they weren’t seen, always aware they had to be careful about their relationship being in an African country such as South Sudan, he leaned in and gave Mark a quick kiss on the cheek before he pointed to the room. “Go, do your best doctor bedside manner thing, while I go be the best possible nurse to Maura. 

Mark paused, before softly knocking on the door, and hearing Jane shuffling about, he gave her a few seconds to help her compose herself, before slowly turning the doorknob and letting himself in. His heart clenched as he watched a broken Jane looking back at him as she struggled to sit up on the bed, eyes puffy and red from crying, with tear streaked cheeks.

“She hates me.” Jane’s words were stuttered, as she continued to wriggle across the bed, so she could sit on the edge, flipping her legs down and planting her feet on the floor, her eyes drifting down, following the motion of her feet. Jane then bent down, and slowly pulled her boots up and knocking them upside down to make sure there was nothing nasty that might have crawled in to them, put them back on, not wanting to get dust and dirt from the floor all over her socks, not bothering to tighten the laces.

Mark closed the door behind him, and sat down alongside her. They sat for a few minutes, before he put an arm out, and wrapped it around her shoulders, not pulling her in to his body, but needing to show his support. He waited for a few beats, instinctively aware that Jane wasn’t the sort of person to normally allow someone to hold her like this, to make sure Jane wasn’t going to pull away, and when she didn’t, but actually relaxed in to his arm, he took a breath, grateful she hadn’t rebuked him so far.

“She doesn’t hate you sweetie.” Mark’s voice, low and soothing, and Jane suddenly thought that the tone almost made Mark sound as if he was talking to her as she might imagine he would in a dream. She could never remember hearing a voice that was so soothing or hypnotic in her entire life. Maura’s voice, that was soothing and angelic, this was... heavenly; if Maura was an angel, Mark was god.  As much as she wanted to be angry, to feel hurt, all she could do was listen to Mark’s whispers of assurance, and she felt her body beginning to fall in to his shoulder automatically, her head nestling there, his comfort like the softest pillow.

Jane suddenly became aware that Mark had stopped talking. She shifted position slightly, so she was now free of his arm, looking at him carefully. “What is the story with you and Maura?”

Jane’s question was unexpected, and Mark’s eyebrows shot up as his face registered the surprise. “What makes you think there is some kind of story. We know each other from MSF, but also from various medical conventions we have both attended over the years. We always try and meet up at least once a year.”

“No, that’s not it.” Jane said, her thumb coming out and hitting her chest. “I’m a detective. You do know that means we detect things, and right now...” Jane’s thumb was dropped and her index finger came up instead, pointed at Mark’s chest. “I know there is more to this. Please, I just want to know.”

Sighing, Mark could tell Jane was not about to let it drop. “If I tell you, you must promise me it does not go beyond these walls.

Jane nodded, her face sincere.

“We were in Uganda, on the border to South Sudan when the civil war was still going on. It was too dangerous to operate from here in the country, so we had camps all along the border. One day, rebel soldiers from South Sudan raided our camp. Many people were killed before they could flee. Maura she...” Mark hesitated. “She went against orders we have in place for such things, and was trying to help some of those wounded. I was trying to leave, when I saw some soldiers, who grabbed Maura by her collar, and they began to drag her along the ground. I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you what would have happened to her. Rape, torture and death were commonplace for the woman, and being a white woman, she would have been sold on numerous times before death.” Mark swallowed hard. “I saw a rifle on the floor where someone had managed to kill on of the rebel soldiers, and I picked it up. I have used a shotgun in England, and so have a little knowledge of firearms. I fired.”

“You saved her.” Jane whispered, absolutely shocked by the revelation, knowing that Maura must have been affected by the events, and yet she had never said anything.

“I killed men, when I am sworn to help others.” Mark corrected. “I am not proud of what I had to do.”

“Bullshit.” Jane retort was swift. “You did what you had to for survival, and to save Maura from something that sounds worse than death. That’s not wrong, those soldiers were wrong for even being there, behaving like they did. You didn’t start the violence, only defended yourself, defended Maura, there is one hell of a difference.” 

“The parallel is strange, is it not? All this time later, and here we are, different events, same arguments.” Mark said with a slight smile, stopping Jane in her tracks. 

Maura stormed around the compound, asking a few people she knew if they had seen Michele. She was finally able to track her down in one of the more remote blocks that housed a few beds. Maura walked in with barely a knock, and seeing Michele was alone breathed a sigh of relief.

“Mon Cher, what is wrong?” Michele could tell straight away that Maura was upset, and bristling with anger.

“Jane Rizzoli, that’s what’s wrong.” Maura said, suddenly finding her adrenaline was starting to leave, and she fumbled her way towards one of the beds that was alongside Michele’s, where she been lying down, and had now sat upright on it.

“Jane, but why?” Confusion evident in her voice.

Michele had been the only person who knew of Maura’s reasons for returning to MSF, and had listened, and even at times, consoled Maura as needed. While personally she felt Maura had made a mistake in coming back out with MSF, and had told Maura so a few times, she also could completely understand Maura’s need for space and to do something like this. She had certainly benefited from Maura’s ability as a doctor on numerous occasions, and for that she was grateful that Maura had chosen to work again with MSF.

“She’s here.” Maura said, pulling out the ponytail, running a hand through her unwashed hair, and inwardly wishing she’d at least had chance for a bath or shower, before pulling it back up in to the band again. Seeing the look of confusion cross Michele’s face, Maura sighed. “Jane, she’s here, in Juba, at the compound.”

“Oh.” Michele blinked a couple of times. “And you have seen her yes?”

“Yes.”

“Surely that is not enough for this...” Michele pointed to Maura, “this anger? So, you also fought, yes?”

“Yes!” Maura said loudly as she flung herself backwards on to the mattress beneath her, looking up at the tin roof that was also the ceiling, roughly sawed rafters showing where the tin crisscrossed it. Dust and cobwebs covering the surfaces in random patterns, and she was suddenly fascinated by the vista above her. “Ugh, she just makes me so angry, but so...” Maura’s voice trailed off.

“Confused, but also loved... no.” Michele said, a wry smile crossing her face.

Maura twisted her head to look at Michele properly. “Yes.” she finally admitted. “I want to strangle her, but hug her all at once. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“That Mon Ami, is called love.” Michele couldn’t help but smile as she spoke. “As well as I think you know, but cannot accept at the moment.”

“God I hate you sometimes.” Maura said, pulling the pillow her head was resting on, and pushed it on to her face, before screaming in to it briefly. She then pulled away, and plumping the pillow up as much as something that cheap and functional could be plumped, before putting it back under her head again. “I know I love her.... but I don’t know if I can find it in myself to fully forgive her, not yet. Dammit, why did she have to do this to me!”

“Because she loves you also.” Michele replied softly, “And I ask you, if it was the other way around, and Jane had gone off, only leaving you a letter, not giving you a chance to at least talk, to explain, to perhaps apologize, even if you had then allowed her to go as she planned, how would you feel?”

Maura sat bolt upright, and looked across to Michele. “So you’re telling me I’ve been selfish?” Maura’s face matched the tone of her voice - shock.

“If you must put it in so many words, yes.” Michele said, “If that’s how you feel Jane was being if it was the other way around, then, surely you have to accept that is how you are behaving also.”


	8. Process

**Chapter eight**

A knock on the door made Michele and Maura look, and Michele got up and opened it.

“Hi, is Maura Isles here...” Fred didn’t get further as Maura stood up, and appeared in his line of vision.

Michele looked at the two of them, and quickly turned around, grabbing some things. “I need a shower, it looks like you need to talk.”

“Thanks.” Maura whispered, before leaning in and kissing Michele on the cheeks. Michele nodded towards Fred as she left as quickly as possible.

“I suppose you better come in.” Maura said, moving away so Fred could walk in properly, closing the door behind him. He perched on the edge of the nearest bed, while Maura moved back to the one she had been sitting on.

“So.” Fred looked across at Maura, with a sad smile.

“So.”

“Listen, you have to believe me when I say Mark and I had no idea what was going on between you and Jane until earlier today, and even then, Jane told us reluctantly. But you know what Mark’s like when he wants someone to tell him what’s wrong. He just has a way of making people talk to him.” Fred shifted position so he could be nearer to Maura, and she didn’t push him away as he brought a hand out to hold her own. “Thing is, I think you are both right in some things, and wrong in others, and because you’re not talking, you can’t get past that.”

“So, tell me, what have I been wrong in?” Maura kept her voice level, knowing now wasn’t the time to lose her temper again, and also trusting Fred to be honest, just as Michele was.

“You didn’t give Jane a chance to at least talk to you about it.” Fred said quickly. “I’m not saying it would have changed your mind, but dammit Maur... when have you ever done something this rash? You’re normally so damn levelheaded! I feel like you’ve been taken over by the pod people or something.”

“Pod people?” Maura’s forehead creased as she tried to get the reference and failed.

“Invasion of the body snatchers?” Seeing the confusion on Maura’s face remain, Fred just shook his head. “You know what, _not_ important. What is important is knowing that this is so out of character for you Maura that even I’m finding it hard to get my head around. If I’m finding it so hard, just imagine how it’s making Jane feel.”

“She broke my trust!” Maura finally said, her anger beginning to bubble again beneath the surface. 

“I know that. Hell, she knows that, but until you both sit and talk properly, not just yelling at each other, it can’t be resolved. Sure, go off and do another MSF clinic or camp somewhere, but you have to talk before you make that sort of decision again.”

“I can’t go back to Boston, I made a promise to be here.” Maura said quietly.

“Bullshit Maura.” Fred shook his head. “You can’t go back to Pibor, so it’s not like you’re letting anyone down if you don’t rejoin another hospital. You do know that Jane has persuaded them to hold your job in Boston for two months, and they have only brought a temporary replacement in.”

Maura’s eyebrows shot right up, her eyes wide. “She did what? How? Why?”

“One question at a time. Good god Maura, you are not yourself right now are you.” Fred smiled softly. “I’ll repeat, she got your job on hold for a couple of months. How, I’ve not got the foggiest idea. I can only assume she talked to the right people, and I imagine Detective Jane Rizzoli can be pretty persuasive when she needs to be.” Fred watched as a light blush appeared on Maura’s neck, and inwardly smiled. “Why, I would have thought that was pretty obvious. Because she cares about you, she knew you made a rash decision, and wanted you to have at least some sort of protection if you did come back early, with or without her.”

“I told her I knew what my decision meant for me in terms of my employment.” Maura’s defences were back up, and Fred rolled his eyes. “She knew I had accepted I wouldn’t have a job to return to.”

“Yes, you did accept it, but it was once again poorly thought out by you Maura. She’s not asked for it to be held for long. I think two months was a pretty shrewd time scale on her part. It gave her time to find you, and also time for you to consider your future, even if she had returned back to Boston without you, but it wasn’t so long as to be rejected completely outright by the powers that be. That shows someone who cares about you Maura, not about what she might want.” Fred watched as Maura’s eyes actually began to finally tear up. He discretely looked away, knowing Maura would want a little time to compose herself and only looked back as Maura began to talk.

“Michele said I was being selfish. Well, she didn’t say that in so many words, but... she made me look at what I had done if things were reversed, and Jane had done what I did.” Maura then admitted. “The trouble is, I think of Jane and I, and while we are friends, I can’t help but wonder, was this already a course we were heading towards? We are so different Fred, that even at a crime scene, our approach couldn’t be further apart at times, and we end up having to try and compromise all the time. Is that really a good basis for the sort of friendship we had?”

“Had? Is it really too far gone to be salvaged?” Fred asked, looking worried for the first time.

“I don’t know.” Maura’s reply was honest, she looked crestfallen. “Is it irreparable? Like I’ve said, are our differences too great? I wish I knew.”

“The only way you are going to know is if you get off that backside of yours and talk to the woman! Look at Mark and I, we’re chalk and cheese. I’m from the East End, he’s from Eaton, and like you only works because he want’s to, not because he needs the money. Yet we work as a couple. Ultimately, we balance each other out, and that’s what I think you and Jane have - balance.”

Fred stood up, and gently tugged at Maura’s hand, and she also got up, a look of resignation on her face. “You need to do this.” Fred then said as he pulled Maura in to a hug.

“I know.” Maura replied as she buried her head in to his shoulder, before pulling away. “Lay on MacDuff.” 

“I thought it was lead on MacDuff?” Fred said as they began to walk.

“No, that’s actually a misquotation. If you are really taking the words as meant by Shakespeare it means to vigorously challenge. It’s where MacDuff challenges Macbeth to yield in battle. Macbeth refuses, declaring:

'I will not yield,  
To kiss the ground before young Malcolm's feet,  
And to be baited with the rabble's curse.  
Though Birnam wood be come to Dunsinane,  
And thou opposed, being of no woman born,  
Yet I will try the last. Before my body  
I throw my warlike shield. Lay on, Macduff,  
And damn'd be him that first cries, 'Hold, enough!'” 

Fred stopped, and in the process forced Maura to come to a standstill looking at him quizzically.

“What?” Maura then asked, as Fred carried on looking at her with a strange expression she couldn’t quite place.

“Does she really put up with this?” Fred asked, a hand coming out and twirling in front of him. “I ask about three words, and I’m then getting the complete history of Macbeth thrown at me.”

“You’re exaggerating, it’s not the complete works.” Maura said, slapping him lightly on the arm. “And yes, she does put up with me like this.” Maura said, her voice softening considerably.

“Sounds like love to me.” Fred replied, tugging on Maura’s arm. “Come on.”

* * *

 

Jane looked up as Maura appeared in the doorway, as did Mark, who immediately stood up and walked out, stopping only to give Maura a quick kiss on her cheek. Suddenly feeling awkward, Maura closed the door, but stayed standing. Jane got up, and moved towards her, sensing the discomfort.

“You want to sit down?” Jane asked, looking unsure herself.

“Yes.” Maura nodded, and watched as Jane sat down, before moving to sit on the end of the same bed, facing her.

“Guess we need to talk, huh.” Jane said as she watched Maura fiddling with the edge of the mosquito netting.

Maura finally looked up. “I still don’t know what we can say to each other to make it right.” she finally admitted, sadness crossing her features.

“I don’t know either, but I do know we’ve gotta try and get past this Maur...” Jane dipped her head slightly. “I know that since the shooting, I’ve been.... even more angry at the world in general, and I didn’t even realize it... I didn’t realize until I began to think back just how must more sarcastic I’ve become, and you seem to have taken the brunt of it. Christ I saw something with Tommy and let my jealousy screw me right up.” Jane looked right at Maura, her eyes narrowing slightly. “I still say you should have trusted me over...” Jane stopped with a slight shake of her head. “See, this is what I’m talking about, I’m bringing something up we got past and apologized over, and I shouldn’t.”

Maura watched, and could see the pain in Jane’s eyes, and in that moment, she knew, whatever was causing all this, they had to get through it.

“By the way, whose the blonde woman you came in with?” Jane asked, not really believing there was anything more than friendship, but she was still intrigued about Maura and the level of friendship between the two women. For someone like Maura, who was so socially awkward when Jane first knew her, it struck Jane just how much of a person Maura had grown in to if they had only recently met. She was determined to show Maura how much of that Jane recognized and perhaps hadn’t previously.

“You mean Michele?” Maura replied, with a slight tilt of her head, seeing a very quick flash of jealousy that Jane had tried to hide, but couldn’t quite.

“I don’t know, I guess Michele. Tall, long blonde hair.” Jane brought her hand around to the small of her back and with a sideways motion as if she was about to give herself a karate chop, she showed the approximate length of hair she was talking about. “Guess she’s what? A nurse?”

“Actually, she’s a surgeon, and French. We meet when I first joined back up with MSF before coming here a few weeks ago.” Maura saw the flash of jealousy again flit across Jane’s features, and could tell Jane was trying not to allow herself to feel the emotion. Maura thought back, trying to work out what could possibly trigger such a reaction.

“You’re jealous.” Maura came out with it, once she thought back to when she and Michele had first arrived back a the compound.

“No, I’m not.” Jane said, looking worried. “Okay, yes, when I first saw you, I wasn’t jealous as such, but you looked so close. So friendly.” Jane sagged a little. “It’s not jealousy Maur... not like that. It’s just I suppose I hated seeing someone so close to you, when our friendship had become so broken. I wanted desperately to be that friend. I want us to repair this mess.”

Maura nodded, able to understand now what Jane was saying. “Have you really got them to hold my job open?” Maura suddenly asked, earning a look of shock from Jane.

“How?” Jane stopped and shook her head. “Fred, right?” Seeing Maura nod, Jane shook her head again. “I suppose I could be mad at him, but right now I’ve not got the energy. Yeah, it’s open for another 2 weeks. I couldn’t hold it longer than two months. I tried for three, but...” Jane’s voice drifted off as she watched Maura’s reaction.

“That’s...” Maura didn’t quite know what she felt, other than overwhelmed slightly. She took another breath, as Jane allowed her to carry on. “I was angry when Fred first told me.” Maura watched as the look of disappointment fell on Jane’s features, and quickly carried on, hating to see she had caused that to happen. “Then I had a few minutes to process what he was telling me, and despite being annoyed you’d had what I felt was the audacity to do that, I also knew you did it for me. So that I didn’t potentially lose something I love doing. It would be easy for me to say you did it for selfish reasons, but if there is one thing you aren’t Jane, it’s selfish.”

Maura paused, dipping her head a little, ready for the next confession, which she needed to make. She pulled her head back up. “I had a couple of harsh reminders that I was the one who had been selfish. You were right, I was wrong to just throw this at you, and not give you any kind of time to respond, even if my decision had remained. This is now our time to try and get it right.”

Maura could see the relief fall off Jane, whose rigid posture changed in seconds. She fell silent, allowing Jane to process what she had said.

“It means a lot to me that you understand why I did it.” Jane finally spoke, “It was Ma who put the idea in my head, and to begin with, I just ignored it, thinking it was a stupid thing. Then your Mother spoke up, saying she agreed with Ma...” Jane looked at Maura, a smirk forming, “And you know what, those two are getting too damned dangerous as they become friends. Damn Maura, they are like an immovable force and with Constance staying at your place, and Ma playing nurse... Would you believe me when I tell you I felt railroaded, and didn’t stand a chance?”

Maura chuckled, “Actually, yes I would believe that.” Her face changed, and she looked slightly shocked. “Wait, are you saying my Mother is staying at my house, and she and your Mother are now friends?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!” Jane replied, pleased to see the horror of that realization that Maura was showing was pretty much her own reaction to it all. “We are so screwed!”

Maura brought a hand up on to one cheek, a look of slight horror showing. “Oh my.” She said quietly. “It still doesn’t mean I understand why you came?”

The question wasn’t accusing, and Jane could tell Maura really needed an explanation.

“In simple terms - Maura, you said you love me. I sat down, and I realized I love you as well. I’m not sure how we progress from those sort of declarations, but I knew, that we wouldn’t even have that chance until we fixed our friendship. I also needed you to hear my side of things, even where I sit and say where I got things so wrong.” Jane swallowed hard. “I’ve already explained, looking back, it’s been a tough thing for me to accept, but shooting myself made me almost hate myself, and I became angry and sarcastic and generally a bear to be around. Yet, you... you balance me out Maura. Each and every time, and I took you for granted. I hate that it happened, but if there is one thing I’ve learnt, it’s I’ll never do that again.”

Maura nodded, and motioned with a small flick of her hand that Jane could carry on if she wanted.

Jane gave a light smile, before taking another deep breath. “God - I’ve seen you grow, and show the strength of character you must have always had to be with MSF. Hell, all I could see when Ian came back was he was with you, and I was jealous, and hurt you didn’t tell me who he was, or why he was there. Instead of actually asking myself, let alone you, what were your experiences doing things with MSF or with Ian, I would have realized that you have something special to do all this. God Maura, I don’t think even you understand how much I admire you having seen what you do, what you’ve done. It was easy for me just to put you in very limited compartments, social awkward, brilliant, and incredible friend. I look now, and I see a strength that few people have. You are truly special Maura, and even if you don’t see it, I do now.”

“I’m not special for doing something like this.” Maura’s modesty immediately came to the fore, as she waved Jane’s protests away before she could voice them. “Just look around, and you can see many more people like me doing this. If I hadn’t gone in to medicine, then this conversation would be very different.”

“I don’t believe that for one minute. Sure it might not have been with MSF, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you would be helping out in some country, not as a doctor, but doing something equally as important, like building a school, or getting some other project off the ground. Dammit Maura, I know you don’t want to let me praise you on this, but I need to show you how much I got wrong about you, as a person.” Jane was beginning to sound and feel agitated, so she stopped, and took a calming breath. “You, me...” Jane pointed between them. “I know we’re different on so many levels, but we work, and somehow we lost sight of something along the way. I’m not sure if it’s one big even like the shooting, or a series of smaller ones that we just didn’t notice creep up on us. Whatever it is, it’s happened, and I know we’ll get through the other side. I just want it to be stronger, and with us to have more understanding of how we can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Maura nodded ever so slightly, as she moved, to finally take one of Jane’s hands. With deliberate care, she unfurled Jane’s fingers, so she could see the scar in the palm. She rubbed her thumb across it gently, Jane, watching carefully, unsure where Maura was going with this. Maura then made sure Jane was looking right at her. 

“I think we didn’t ever give ourselves chance to fully accept, process and heal from what we’ve faced together.” Maura spoke softly, and it was enough for Jane to feel tears in the corner of her eyes. “While I didn’t know you when this occurred.” Maura swept her thumb across the scar in a very deliberate motion, “You allowed me in where no-one else could gain entry, even family. That shows how much we are to each other, and I’ve never fully expressed what a gift you allowing me in has been. Equally, I know you would blame yourself for Hoyt getting close to me,” Maura watched Jane stiffen at the memory of the prison hospital. “Yet, we did what has always tended to happen. We moved on, without really talking about it. I’ve never asked you for example, when I was taken by my father...” Maura watched, wanting to be sure Jane knew she was talking about Doyle. “You answered that phone, and the emotion in your voice was surprising to me, once I had chance to think back on it. Yet, I’ve never asked you, how did you feel? How did it affect you? I’ve never discussed how it affected me, not fully. Yes, we might have talked about it, but never in any depth. That has to change.”

Jane swallowed hard. “Dammit, you’re right.” Jane then blew out a breath. “I guess we’ve just carried on, ignoring the damage it inflicted, but... let’s face it, neither one of us is great at talking about our emotions like that. You, because you never knew how to ask, me... because I have to show I’m strong enough to face my daily work, and so I’ve learnt to knock it down, to bury it.”

“Agreed.” Maura said, a small smile on her face, her own posture beginning to relax. “We have to accept, this can be between just us, and it doesn’t matter if no-one else finds out. It’s none of their concern, but it is ours. We need to ensure that we learn how to open up properly. We are so close to doing that already, so lets just make sure work on that last hurdle.”

Jane fidgeted a little, before looking at Maura, very aware on how she needed to approach what she wanted to next. Seeing Jane's unease, Maura tried to relax her own posture, tilting her head slightly, to try and show she understood whatever Jane was about to ask, she wasn't overly comfortable about it.

“What made you suddenly react the way you did when I shot Doyle?” Jane swallowed hard, “I mean, it's not as if you'd shown any real need to be close to him before, and suddenly...” Jane's voice drifted as did her resolve, as she saw Maura tense up.

“Maur?” Jane tentatively reached out and placed her hand lightly on Maura's shoulder, and Maura moved ever so slightly, but didn't try to dislodge Jane's hand. After a few seconds Jane's hand dropped away.

“It's difficult to explain. I'm adopted, and while I have no real complaints about my adoptive parents, I found out I had a half brother, but it was too late for me to have any kind of relationship with him. Then Patrick offered to give me the details of my birth mother, and now...” Maura's eyes misted with tears, “Now, I might lose my biological father, and also any chance of knowing who my biological mother is. I don't have a name, or even an idea of who I really am. I need to know my identity Jane. Can you even begin to understand that?”

“You're Maura Isles. Chief medical examiner for Massachusetts, with a brain that is incredible, with a wonderful sense of love, quirkiness and kindness. Isn't that enough?” Jane asked softly, and was pleased to see that Maura didn't take her question as a challenge, but as genuine need to know what was going on in her head.

“No.” Maura's reply was immediate. “I didn't think it was important, but Colin and Patrick changed that. I realized I've always wanted to know, that the desire to know my true roots has always been there. I listen to people who have gone online and researched their family, and I listen to Mother and Father talk about the Isles family, but I can't research my true heritage because I have no idea where to begin. I'm missing a piece of me Jane, and I want to find it – even if it means having Patrick as my father. I could accept if I had no means of finding out, but Colin's arrival in my morgue meant I went from nothing, to suddenly finding I could ask the questions, and I wanted them answered if possible. Then Patrick gave me at least some answers, but not the most important...”

“Your birth mother.” Jane finished, her hand clasping Maura's tightly with understanding, as her other hand came out, and she gently wiped the tears that were now running down Maura's cheeks.

“So, I need to try and find her, and we....” Maura's own hand reached up and covering Jane's across her cheek as her tears lessened, and she brought both co-joined hands down together between them. “We have to work through the issues from all we've had to face, once and for all. We both need therapy to work through it.”

Jane visibly baulked at the words, and Maura held on tightly as she felt the slightest of tugs as Jane tried to pull away. “No.” Jane then said firmly. “I know we've got to talk about it Maur... but no shrink.”

Maura sighed, wondering if they were ever going to get past all that had happened to them. She knew, deep down, the next few minutes really were make or break in terms of their friendship, let alone any possible relationship.  



	9. Moving forward

**Chapter nine**

“It doesn't have to be a shrink, as you so succinctly put it.” Maura replied, still refusing to let go of Jane's hand. “A counselor of some kind can be just as valuable under the circumstances.” 

“So what? Couples counseling?” Jane shook her head. “Uh, nope. Thanks but no thanks. I see the department shrink as needed, to get back to the job, but no more than that Maura.”

Maura could see Jane's defenses beginning to slam back into place quickly, and knew she had little time to make a case about it all. “Yes, you do see the department psychiatrist, and you know what to say so that they feel you're not just giving them the answers you think they need to hear; you allow a little vulnerability to come through. Always just enough for them to think you have been affected, as you should have been, but at the same time, it hasn't been overly damaging. They sign you off, until the next time, and then your dance starts again. Don't you understand though Jane, by only showing a small amount, by placing any amount of control about how people perceive how it has really affected you, it's not helping you in the longer term? It’s not helping us? I didn't think I needed to talk after Hoyt and...” Maura's breath hitched slightly as she forced herself to remember the prison hospital. “I thought after the prison, just talking to you would be enough. I look back now, and while it helped... even I didn't recognize that I needed proper help with it all.” 

Jane looked surprised. “Are you still?”

“Having nightmares?” Maura said quietly knowing exactly what Jane's ambiguous question was, dipping her head ever so slightly. “Yes. I can't remember the last time I slept as soundly as I should have and even now, the best sleep is when we are together, which isn't often enough. Don't you see, we've both had so much happen to us in a relatively short space of time and neither of us has allowed our minds to heal from the trauma. I'm not saying we're crazy, or that we're weak, but I do know we can't carry on as we were without it exploding on us. That implosion is already beginning to happen, and if we don't stop it soon, it'll be too late to prevent it from destroying a lot, especially our friendship. Do you really want to risk losing that over the choice of seeing someone to talk to?”

Jane took a deep breath. “No.”

Her answer was slow in coming, and for a minute, Maura was beginning to worry that whatever progress that might have been made was for nothing, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jane that Maura relaxed considerably at her reply. 

“Do you know anyone?” Jane then asked, as the conversation stilted a little and she watched with a feeling of warmth as Maura tried to hide the slightest of smiles that formed as Jane asked the question, before Maura looked at her.

“I have a couple of contacts that would be worth looking in to. Neither know me other than by name, which I think is important. I don't want to go to someone who might know me, even if it's professionally from conventions or even my medical training. Both were recommended to me by someone I know who decided to specialize in the field when we had to make our choice of specialization. I knew, even before this, that once I returned it would be useful for me to at least see someone. Apparently both are highly qualified, and more importantly, both have some training with post traumatic stress.”

Maura knew by saying what she had would be enough to put Jane back on the defensive, and sure enough, she watched as Jane's face hardened again. She moved quickly to continue her explanation. “Whilst I know you're going to argue we don't have such problems, think about it. We have both been under extreme situations, with pressure that is nothing like the normal life we might face. Even for someone like you, as a trained police officer, Hoyt isn't someone you can train for. Our situation has been unique, for you far more than for me, and if I’m recognizing the help I’m going to need, surely you can understand that you’re going to need similar support.”

Jane sighed heavily. “Dammit it Maur, why can’t life just be simple!”

Maura couldn’t help the smile that broke out, at Jane’s slightly petulant outburst, which was enough to show she was accepting what Maura was saying, even if she didn’t like it. “Because we both know it doesn’t happen like that.”

Jane smirked a little, as she dropped her head slightly, before lifting it back up, her eyes firmly fixed on Maura. “You do know I’m gonna have to be dragged there kicking and screaming.”

“The easy way, or the hard way.” Maura replied, with a grin of her own.

“Become a bit of a thing for us hasn’t it.” Jane observed with a hint of irony in her voice. Maura nodded and for the first time in, what she realized had been a very long time, she felt as if she and Jane had finally lifted some of the problems between them and that they really did have a chance to fix this.

“What you thinking?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Ha ha.” Jane rolled her eyes, “I asked first, no deflecting. What are you thinking?”

Maura smiled, “I’m just thinking that we need to keep this going, but it feels like we can finally move forward.”

Jane suddenly looked nervous. “Does this mean you’re ready to come home?”

The question was asked quietly, and Jane actually looked embarrassed and worried all at the same time. Maura took a breath.

“Unless they reopen the hospital at Pibor, then - yes.” Maura admitted. “If they reopen the hospital, I hope you understand I can’t just leave them, having given the commitment to work for the year.”

Jane blew out between her lips, that were barely open. “Yeah, I get that. It’d be hard to go back without you, but knowing we’ve got this far I can at least go home knowing you don’t hate me.”

Maura visibly balked at the last words spoken by Jane. “I’m sorry that is how it came across, but I never hated you. I might have hated the circumstances, but never you Jane, never you.”

Jane looked surprised by Maura’s softly spoken confession, and once again felt tears threatening. “I just...” Jane stopped, looking confused as much as upset. “You really mean that?”

“Yes,” Maura reached across and brought Jane in to a hug, before resting her head on Jane’s shoulder, closing her eyes as she reveled in the smell and feel of Jane surrounding her, realizing just how safe and comfortable it made her feel, and more than that, just how much she had missed feeling Jane, missed having Jane to ground her. “I’ve missed this.” Maura murmured in to Jane’s top, as she felt Jane tightening her hold ever so slightly.

Jane dropped the lightest of kisses on top of Maura’s head. “I know, I’ve missed us.” and smiled as she felt Maura snuggling in even closer, not that Jane thought it was possible. 

* * *

 

“Do you think they are going to be okay?” Fred asked, as he sipped his tea, sighing as he reached over to dump more sugar in, earning a scowl from Mark. “What?” Fred said, now stirring vigorously, “I like sweet tea! You know that.”

“Indeed I do.” Mark replied, his own tea unsweetened. “And you know I don’t agree with the amount of sugar you have in your diet.”

Fred simply stuck his tongue out, before taking another sip of his tea, before sighing with exaggeration just to make his point about how much he was enjoying it. Mark simply shook his head, knowing he wasn’t going to change Fred, but he still couldn’t help occasionally calling him on his diet.

“So, do you think they are going to be okay?” Fred repeated his earlier question.

Mark put his mug down on the table, looking thoughtful. “Yes. I don’t think it’s going to be straightforward, but I think they are going to be fine.”

“Oh thank Christ for that!” Fred said with a loud huff, “It’s so bloody obvious they are supposed to be together. I’ve never seen Maura so...” Fred paused, as he searched for the word he wanted.

“Smitten?” Mark supplied, with a grin.

“Yes, thank you Mr Oxford English Dictionary.” Fred said, failing to keep his own smile from forming. “I was going to say in love. Smitten is just a little too... oh sod it, smitten is fine! And don’t crow on about how you were right first time around.” Fred then put up a warning finger to make his point, earning a deep laugh from his partner.

“I could say she’s beguiled, besotted, bewitched, captivated, carried away, charmed, crazy about, enamored...” Mark let out another laugh at the look of horror beginning to cross Fred’s face. “I won’t though.”

“Too late, you already did.” Fred pointed out quickly with a slight shudder. “Mind you, any of those could sum Maura up right about now. As for Jane, I knew she had the swagger!”

Mark shook his head. “You are such a gossip.”

“Am not!”

“Yes, you are.” Mark countered, before leaning in a little closer so there was little chance of being overheard. “And as camp is a row of tents, it’s one reason I love you.”  Mark then settled back in his seat with a smirk as Fred looked around them quickly, his breathing increasing.

“You don’t play fair.” Fred said quickly, “Tease.” He then muttered as Mark deliberately licked his bottom lip suggestively. His eyes though quickly changed direction as he spotted Jane and Maura walking in to the room, and he nudged Mark with his one foot, before motioning with his head in the direction where they were coming from. Mark’s face registered surprise at seeing them, but also happiness, sensing they had finally begun to sort out their life. Fred waved, and spotting them, Jane and Maura walked over.

“I’ll grab coffee.” Jane said, as they approached, giving Maura’s forearm a quick reassuring squeeze, before heading off towards the beverages lined up across one table. Maura then slipped on to a chair, leaning in to hug Mark who was closest to where she was sitting.

“Hey!” Fred muttered. “Don’t I get a cuddle?” His lips then forming a dramatic pout, earning a light laugh from Maura, who twisted around in her chair, before also giving him a quick hug.

“Better?” Maura asked as she then sat back, in a position whereby she could watch Jane getting the drinks.

“Maybe.” Fred said slowly, watching Maura intently, before tilting his head to Mark, then flicking his hand as if to try and get Mark to ask the question he desperately wanted to but didn’t want to appear too eager.

Mark closed his eyes briefly, finding Fred’s sudden reticence amusing, before moving forward in his seat. “I see you and Jane have talked, and are we to assume that because of this you have finally broached the subjects you needed to?”

Maura broke her gaze away from Jane, who was turning and heading towards them. “You assume correctly.” Maura said, unable to stop the pure look of happiness on her face.

Her response elicited a squeal from Fred. “I knew it!” He sounded triumphant as he struck out to slap Mark’s arm. Mark in turn simply frowned at Fred’s overly dramatic reaction, and looked around quickly, hoping it hadn’t drawn undue attention to their table, and relaxed as he saw it hadn’t.

“You knew what?” Jane asked, amusement in her voice as she watched Fred’s actions, not used to seeing quite such exuberant displays by men before. Sure, she’d come across gay men plenty of times, but this was the first time she’d spent any time with any, and she found Fred endearing and amusing.

Fred flicked a finger out back and forth rapidly in front of his chest. “You two.” He finally said, “Getting your thing on!”

“Our thing on...” Jane said slowly, putting on her best detective face, winking to Maura as she set the drinks down, before sitting down on the chair Maura had pulled out for her. “And just what is ‘our thing?’”

“Your thing.” Fred replied, “Oh for goodness sake. For someone who is supposed to work things out for a living... you know, your thing! Mark!” Fred then looked across at Mark with an exasperated expression. “Explain!”

“Fred, she’s teasing.” Mark replied with a roll of his eyes.

Fred glared at Jane, who simply shrugged her shoulders in his direction. “You...” Fred stabbed a finger towards Jane, for once flustered, before rounding on Mark. “You could have said something.”

Maura and Jane both laughed as Mark simply grabbed Fred’s errant finger, before placing his hand down on the table. “Why would I want to say anything and spoil all the fun.” Mark then looked back at Jane and Maura, his expression more serious. “However, I do want to know, what are your plans?”

“Our plans?” Jane looked at Maura. “To be honest, we’ve not really discussed it in too much depth, because it’s going to depend on Maura.”

Fred and Mark both looked at Maura for further explanation, which she provided quickly.

“It comes down to if MSF reopens Pibor hospital again. If they do, I will stay, otherwise, I suppose Jane and I will be heading back to Boston as soon as we can. We would both need time to acclimatize back to being in the city, and to make sure we’re both refreshed and ready to go back to work.”

Hearing Maura’s words, Jane beamed. Whilst she knew the situation with Pibor, it was the first time Maura had come out and said she’d possibly be returning to Boston with her. It was one thing to say she was ready to come home, another to know Maura was including Jane in the scenario. Jane knew there had been too many misunderstandings already between them, so had worried that she was reading too much in to Maura’s earlier declaration. Instinctively, her hand came out and clasped Maura’s, who merely looked as she felt the contact, but didn’t then try and pull away, only tightening her grip ever so slightly to show she was comfortable.

“You do realize we’re gonna have Ma squealing at us when we get back don’t you.” Jane said, a smirk on her face.

“Oh.” Maura suddenly looked worried. “Do you think we can go straight back to your apartment and not let her know when we do get back?”

“Urm...” Jane hesitated, unsure if Maura was being serious or not. “I guess. Do you really not want to see Ma?”

Maura stopped for a second as she considered the question, “Truthfully, not right away, no.” She then found herself admitting. “I want us to be able to find our feet, and while I’ve grown to love your Mother, she can be a little overwhelming at times.” 

“You invited her to stay in your guest house.” Jane replied, a smirk on her face. “Tried to warn ya, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“Guest house?” Mark suddenly asked. “I didn’t even know you had a guest house.”

Maura looked up, suddenly remembering she hadn’t given Mark or Fred her change of address. “I moved around a year ago....”

“After I shot myself.” Jane said quickly. “Found out my parents separated during my stay in the hospital, and Maura here wanted to give my Ma a roof over her head.” 

“Wait a sec.” Fred spluttered. “You shot yourself?” He then looked across at Maura, eye’s wide. “You moved to let someone have somewhere to live? What in the hell?”

Maura looked slightly abashed. “Jane, do you want to try and start?”

Jane sighed. “Not much to tell fellas. We were being held hostage in police headquarters. My younger brother Frankie was in serious trouble with a pneumothorax. Maura did some stuff that helped him, but he needed surgery.” Jane’s voice faltered slightly, and she felt Maura’s hand in her own. “I was dragged outside by the dirty cop, and no-one would take any action. I... wasn’t thinking, and just pulled his gun around, pulling the trigger.” Jane carefully lifted her t-shirt, revealing her scar. “Three months later, I was able to come back to work.”

“Shit.” Fred muttered. “Where were you?” He asked Maura, seeing her flinch as Jane admitted pulling the trigger.

“I had just come through the doors because the SWAT team had got in through the back of the building, and I wanted to let Jane know Frankie was safe.”

“So you saw....” Mark’s question died on his lips as Maura nodded.

“Crap, and let me guess, you’ve not really talked about it?” Fred said quietly, and seeing the look that passed between the two women, he could only shake his head. “Okay, so Jane, you shot yourself... which by the way I think was both a heroic and stupid idea...  which you saw Maura, and then you moved, just so Jane’s Mother could live in your newly acquired guesthouse? And you didn’t even think that there was something unusual in that? Hello?”

Maura shrugged. “Angela needed somewhere to live, and I could provide that for her. I didn’t think it might be strange. She needed a home, and I had just moved, and I had a guest house. I must clarify, I didn’t move specifically for Angela, it was just fortuitous that I’d recently moved into a property with a guesthouse attached. It was, initially, supposed to be when my Mother came to stay.”

Jane snorted. “Yeah, some cop I am... had no idea what was going on for ages! Then Ma comes out with it all when I was at the awards ceremony. Thought Ma was gonna pass out on us for a second.”

“Awards ceremony?” Mark was the one to ask the question this time around.

Jane flinched. “Just some dumb award thing. Dumb sure, shoot yourself, get a medal.”

“Jane we’ve been through this.” Maura sounded slightly exasperated. “What you did on that day undoubtedly saved lives.”

Jane shook her head. “Not the time Maur...” Jane looked across at Mark and Fred, who were watching with interest and shrugged her shoulders. “So, there is a quick summary of what happened. So, we’re going back to my apartment then?”

Jane looked back at Maura, who was still frowning slightly at Jane’s dismissal about talking through the award ceremony, but knew it wasn’t the time or place to try and push, but realizing it was just typical of how they had been. The moment something became uncomfortable, it was dropped, to be brought up another time, only for another time to never actually happen.

“Yes, we’re going back to your apartment. We can then let your Mother and mine know we’re back once we feel settled again.” Maura replied, with a slight nod of her head.

“When will you be leaving?” Mark asked, sensing the conversation was now effectively over about the shooting and Maura’s guest house occupant.

“I’ll ask about Pibor to find out what the likelihood of it reopening it is after my coffee, and then I suppose as soon as it can be practically arranged if it isn’t reopening.” Maura admitted.

“I can’t see Pibor opening up again for a long time. So, guess we need to make the most of seeing you.” Mark then said, a smile crossing his face.

“I’d like that.” Maura admitted, as she held Jane’s hand, pleased to see a smile breaking out on Jane’s face. Maura’s own face then fell as she began to think about the Pibor situation. “Of course, in one way I hate that Pibor has closed. I suspect it’ll go back to clandestine treatment facilities by doctors trying to fulfill their commitment and duty to provide medical assistance. Improvised health clinics being established in apartments, on farms and elsewhere. It’s such a shame.”

Jane looked shocked at Maura’s word. “That kind of shit happens?”

“Unfortunately, all too often.” Mark answered, his own face showing how upset he was over the admission. “Operating rooms are often someone's front room, or worse, a rudimentary animal shack. Hygiene and sterilization conditions are beyond basic and anesthesia is in short supply.  Furthermore, the mere possession of drugs and basic medical materials, such as gauze, is considered a crime in some areas now.”

“Shit.” Jane unconsciously brought her hand around and rested it across where her entry wound was. “Makes me realize how lucky we are to have the facilities at our disposal.”

Maura nodded, “In a way, I’m pleased you’ve seen this Jane. What’s so heartbreaking is nothing has changed much from when I was first with MSF, many of the same problems still exist.”

“Hey, you guys help.” Jane said quickly, squeezing Maura’s hand slightly. “And yeah, I’m pleased I came and have seen this all first hand. Well, not what you’ve faced out in the field, but I can finally see the appeal of the toilet paper.”

Mark and Fred looked confused, and Maura simply looked at them and said “Ian.” It was enough for them to nod with understanding. Jane’s eyebrows knitted together.

“Does everyone know about Ian?” She asked, making sure to keep her voice light, to show she wasn’t upset.

“We know of him.” Fred said, but he looked at Maura carefully. “I know I’ve never said anything before, but he was always wrong for you sweetie. Sure, his work helps a lot of people, but if he genuinely cared about you, he wouldn’t use you like he has. He might be able to pick up emotionally where he left you, but it was never fair on you.”

“I know that now.” Maura admitted, “He is merely a person in my past and someone who is dear to me, but I’ve moved on.” 

Jane released the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, never so relieved to hear a statement in her life and her smile widened as she finally felt fully relaxed. Her posture didn’t go unnoticed by the others, who all inwardly smiled as well, all very aware that finally, Jane and Maura were moving in the right direction. Of course, a lot now depended on Maura and the Pibor camp situation, but Jane refused to dwell on that and enjoy the moment.

Fred settled back in his seat, a smile plastered across his face. Mark also sat back knowing his partner too well and just knew Fred was about to throw something totally outlandish out there. He wasn't disappointed.

"Maura once you get back home promise me one thing."

Maura nodded, which was accompanied with a quiet "of course," just as Jane started to drink her coffee again with a large gulp now it was nicely cooled; split seconds later regretting that move as it spewed from her mouth and nostrils in a jet stream.

"When you and Jane get married I bag being one of your bridesmaids..."


	10. Homeward Bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a slight chance of a trigger in this chapter towards the end. It is mentioned as a possibility - not that it happened - and is fleeting. However, I recognize for some, this would simply be enough. If you are unsure, I would suggest skipping the latter parts of the chapter - So I would say don't read beyond   
> “No, you don’t get to compare this.” Maura replied with a forceful shake of her head. “I put Mark in a position that was unforgivable.”  
> The end of the chapter is almost there, and truthfully it makes very little difference to being able to follow the story overall.

**Chapter ten**

Jane sat there, as she desperately tried to mop up the spewed drink that had, fortunately, for the most part landed on the table, and not on her or her companions. She scowled as the paper napkin she was using became little more than a mess, and was beginning to break up under her fingertips.

“Gotta go...” Jane stood up, and pointed to the now very wet, very soggy mass that was barely able to hold itself together. She didn’t give anyone a chance to react, and practically sprinted towards the long row of tables with the various items on for refreshments at this time of the day.

“I think I scared her off.” Fred said with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

“You think - honestly, I can only ever take you somewhere twice, and the second time is to apologize.”

“Hey.” Fred looked across at Mark and scowled slightly and then both were suddenly very aware that Maura was struggling to hold back laughter.

Mark shook his head. “Come on, poor Jane looks half scared to death.”

“I’m sorry but you don’t know Jane’s mother quite like I do, and she would be squealing right about now at the mention of marriage, and Fred, probably hauling you off to the nearest bridal boutique to get a fitting for a bridesmaid’s dress, well in this instance; a suit. Jane will be fine - it’s just any mention of marriage, even as a joke - tends to be a touchy subject for her because of Angela.” Maura said, giggling.

Maura then turned to watch Jane carefully, and smiled inwardly as she realized Jane had obviously managed to compose herself again, a bunch of fresh paper napkins firmly in hand.

Jane finally cleared the mess from her coffee, while everyone else just quietly drank what remained of their own drinks. The silence wasn’t at all awkward and for that, Jane alone was grateful as she scanned the faces of her companions. Nope, not going to mention the conversation.

“I suppose I should go and find out if I might be needed at Pibor.” Maura finally spoke up after twiddling her now empty mug around for a few seconds.

Jane nodded. “I’ll meet you back in my room?”

“I suppose that makes sense.” Maura then stood up, followed by everyone else, and lent in quickly to give them all a brief hug. “I won’t be long.”

Without another word, Maura walked away, leaving Jane almost as nervous as she had been throughout her entire time at camp. Fred gently rested a hand on her one forearm.

“She’ll be coming back with you. In more ways than one.”

Jane swallowed hard, before nodding. “I know, it’s just... I’ve come all this way and I would hate to leave without her.”

“You won’t. Whatever happens, you both have mended the break enough. Even if you have to leave physically, you won’t be leaving Maura behind, any more than she’ll be letting you leave.” Mark replied, a small smile on his face.

“I just don’t know if I can fully believe that yet.” Jane admitted with a sad smile. “I know Maura can’t lie, but at the same time we can’t just make what has gone on between us magically disappear, and I can’t help but wonder what might trigger another episode like this last one.”

“Honey, you shot her biological father - I don’t see something that big happening again, do you?” Fred replied.

“That’s just it. Sure, I shot Paddy Doyle, and I get that the shock of the moment caused Maura to react in a way she wouldn’t have done normally, but...” Jane paused, “I also took away some of the trust we had between us, by involving Agent Dean.”

“Trust can be rebuilt.” Fred said softly, “And for Maura wanting to go back with you shows she’s already forgiven you on some level. What happened was extraordinary at the very least. I can’t believe for second there is going to be any kind of repeat, so just give both yourselves time to come to terms with all that happened with you.”

“I know, it’s just a lot to process.” Jane admitted with a wry smile, “But I guess travelling halfway across the world to this god forsaken place must earn me a few points in the good books.... right?”

“More than I think you realize.” Mark spoke up this time, “Now, lets go and get you started on packing, even if you haven’t got a lot here and haven’t really had chance to unpack much. “

Jane nodded, and stood up, following Fred and Mark out, her resolve finally strengthened.

* * *

“Do you think they have talked yet?” Angela asked as Constance settled down carefully on the couch in the main house sitting room. Angela then released Constance’s arm, which she’d been holding, helping her to move.

“I have no idea. All Mark said in the message was that despite the attack on the camp Maura was in, she was back in the main compound safely. He did say she also knew Jane was there.”

“Dammit, I wish we knew what was happening.” Angela sounded exasperated as she sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and a frown settled on her face.

Constance shifted uncomfortably, and for once it wasn’t her injuries that was causing her to grimace. She looked back at Angela, trying to formulate her reply. “We really shouldn’t be interfering any further.”

Angela looked stunned, and for a second, her lips flapped, as she tried to respond, before finding her voice. “Well, we should; we’re their Mothers for crying out loud!”

“Being the parents doesn’t give us the right to interfere.” Constance said quietly, aware, not for the first time, just how different she and Angela viewed things.

“Look where that got you.” Angela grumbled under her breath, but then shot a look of apology at Constance, who was looking increasingly upset. “Sorry, that was uncalled for.” Angela added quickly.

“It was.” Constance moved and her whole demeanor was becoming increasingly stiffer and more rigid. “However, one should not interfere, no matter how we might feel about it.”

“But we’ve already interfered.” Angela argued back, looking slightly baffled by the walls that Constance was raising again, reminding her of the woman she had first met at dinner with Maura.

“Whilst that is true, we still need to maintain a reasonable distance. To allow Jane to follow Maura is one thing. It’s completely different to begin to actually delve into their lives and dictate how they achieve renewing not only their friendship, but allowing them the space to let it develop; that should be the way it is going to go.” 

Angela huffed and shook her head. “I don’t agree. It’s our duty to see our babies happy.”

Constance looked slightly bewildered. “If we interfere with these women's lives; our daughters, our children’s lives, we could do more harm than good.”

Angela was quiet as she considered the last statement, before she eventually spoke. “If they broke up because of a misunderstanding, which it looks like they did, and are unhappy without each other, this could be the only chance in both their lives to put things right.”

“You make it sound as if they were already a couple.” Constance pointed out. “They have to mend the friendship first, before anything else happens.”

Angela snorted. “Those two have been a couple for ages now, whether they wanted to admit it or not. They have been through so much together, it’s almost as if they tackled the big things, but somehow the little things were ignored - and they in turn became the big issues.  I let that happen with me and Frank. I’m sure as hell not gonna sit idly by and watch my baby making the same damn mistakes I did. If that means interfering, then god dammit, I’m gonna interfere.”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea...”

Constance was cut off as Angela stood up, and began pacing, her arms and hands gesticulating in the air wildly.

“We’ve done so much already, we have to do this!”

“I’m sorry Angela, as much as I respect you as a friend, I have to completely disagree with you.” Constance began to move very slowly, getting up from the couch to the wheelchair she was still primarily using to get around. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to lie down.”

Without another word, Angela watched as a very closed off Constance self propelled the wheelchair out of the room, heading to the spare room she was sharing in the guesthouse, since it was all on the same level.

Angela snorted before heading to the kitchen. “Fine, you don’t want to get involved, but I’m sure as hell not standing by and waiting for something to possibly happen.” Angela then said under her breath as she pulled things out of the refrigerator, deciding to cook up something that she could then also give out to Frankie and Tommy.

* * *

Michele, Fred and Mark all stood around as the heat rose, making it even more uncomfortable a silence that was surrounding them. Finally Fred huffed, before he strode across to Jane, and without warning, pulled her into big hug.

“Don’t you dare be a stranger to us now.” He mumbled as he watched Maura over Jane’s shoulder quickly wipe a tear away.

“Don’t see that happening.” Jane replied, as she allowed the hug, before pulling back slightly. “Now don’t start all that gay crying shit on me!”

Fred let out a bark of laughter and moved away to engulf Maura in a hug of her own.

“She’s a keeper, don’t you mess this up.” He whispered, holding back his own tears.

Maura swallowed down her emotion and could only nod in to Fred’s shoulder at his words. In the meantime, Mark and Michele had both moved to give Jane a handshake and kiss on her cheek.

The moment was broken at the thrumming of a plane’s propellers and they all turned to watch the small aircraft as it came in to land, before it taxied across toward where they were all standing. Maura and Jane were part of only a handful of people waiting, since the airplane itself could only take up to nine passengers.

“The BN-2A Islander, it was originally built in the United Kingdom, and even today is used by the British Army and some of their police force.” Maura said, as she watched Jane looking toward it nervously.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Jane said, a frown crossing her face.

“Yes.” Maura replied matter of factually, “It is still used as a light transport with over 30 military aviation operators around the world, and has been operating since the 1960’s. That shows it’s a fully functional and safe aircraft, with a very good history behind it.”

“That’s all well and good, but we still don’t know what the damn pilot and co-pilot are like.” Jane muttered, as she grabbed her bag, also pulling one of Maura’s knapsacks up onto her shoulders. “I’ve got this.” she added as Maura tried to get her bag away from her.

“Jane Rizzoli, scared of flying, I can't understand why? You have never given any indication when we've flown before until today.” Maura said with a smirk as they headed towards the plane once they were waved towards it.

“Hey.” Jane replied, indignant. “Flying doesn’t worry me - it’s the not flying anymore and plummeting down to earth that scares the crap out of me! And it was flying in on this tin can, held together by gum, spit and elastic that put the fear of God into me. Normal aircraft, no problem. This... this ain't normal.”

Jane watched as Maura was about to say something else. “And I don’t need a spew of statistics about how safe traveling by plane is, or whose is the best aviation record... or any other shit like that.”

“Oh. Okay, I won’t.”

Jane then stopped as she saw Maura falter and turn around to send a wave towards the three people they had just left. “Maura, we need to get on this plane.”

“I’m coming.” Maura turned back to face Jane, and just nodded before she began closing the space down between her and the doorway.

“You’ll see them soon.” Jane said softly as she began to climb up into the tight confines of the plane, Maura slightly ahead of her.

“I know.” came the reply, as Maura positioned her one bag, and then helped Jane stow the other two she held. “I just...” her voice drifted off.

“Hey, it’s okay to miss them. They’re your friends, and I know I don't know Mark and Fred as well as you do, but I've grown fond of them already, so yeah, you can miss them.”

“I know.” Maura said, as she finally settled into her seat, allowing Jane to take the aisle seat, knowing with her longer limbs, it would be easier to stretch out as needed, since there wasn’t going to be any chance for Jane to get up and walk around like she would be able to do in larger commercial aircraft.

Jane finally snapped the lap belt closed, and took a deep breath as she gripped the armrests on either side of her seat - and Maura noticed her knuckles beginning to turn white as the plane began to taxi out towards the grass runway it would be using to take off.

“Jane, you need to relax.” Maura said quietly as she rested her right hand over Jane’s left that was between them and absently rubbed her thumb across the knuckles.

“Easy for you to say.” Jane replied through gritted teeth, before leaning across Maura’s lap and looking out of the small window, her eyes narrowing at the realization of where they were. “And why in the hell aren’t we using the tarmac runway that we used to land this tin can on when we flew in?”

Pushing Jane gently back properly in her seat, Maura kept her right hand in position. “They use the grass runway for takeoffs because they only have the one small tarmac runway, and if they have incoming aircraft, it’s better that lands on the solid surface, whereas to take off we don’t need the same traction.”

“This is all helping me relax.” Jane said sharply. “Not!”

“Jane, it’s perfectly normal. When I used to go gliding at the gliding club based at the Sisteron-Theze airfield, near the small village of Vaumeilh, France, it was in nothing more than a grass field. I believe they have proper runways now, but then it was just grass and perfectly safe.”

“You just can’t help yourself can you.” Jane replied an incredulous look on her face, although the words were said without any heat behind them.

“What?”

“The stuff you come up with. Of course you’ve been gliding in some elite French gliding club. Who doesn’t go and do that!”

“Jane, a lot of people go gliding. It’s not as elitist as you might imagine. There were shop workers, commercial pilots and even factory workers who would glide.” Maura said, as the plane began its run, the engine noise increasing to such levels that for a short time, talking was impossible so missed the “Yeah, gliding is real popular in Boston. We did it every summer.” that Jane muttered before gripping the armrests even harder. 

* * *

“Oh god, I’m going to puke if this carries on.” Jane suddenly said as the plane took another dive downwards without warning.

“This turbulence should settle down once we clear the mountain range. It's not helped today because it appears there are a number of thermals around, causing a difference in wind shear, which produces a vortex.”

“In English Maura.”

“Warm columns of air that rise that can sometimes be unpredictable; causing pockets of air that are unstable. When I was gliding, we would refer to these pockets as 'sink'. I believe that's a common term through most of the aviation industry.”

“Then why in the hell couldn’t you have just said that!” Jane countered, as they took another nose dive. “Jesus!”

“Well, if it helps, why don’t you just talk to me. It might be distracting.”

“Oh yeah, now why didn’t I think of that!” Jane’s reply was full of sarcasm and Maura just shook her head.

“Jane, there must be something we can talk about.”

Jane frowned as she looked across at Maura intently, and saw that Maura was looking back at her with equal intensity. “Okay, fine - erm... okay, I found out from Mark you’d done some time with him and Doctors without Borders in Uganda. But you’ve never mentioned that, you’ve only ever mentioned the two years you did in Dakar. Why?”

Maura suddenly paled and she tried not to let her discomfort show, but she could tell Jane was watching her closely enough to see something was wrong. “I...”

“Don’t you dare say you don’t want to talk about this Maur... it’s what has got us here in the first place.” Jane said the moment she could see Maura beginning to stall. “Maura.” Jane’s voice lowered as her concern mounted.

“No, you’re right Jane. It’s just...” Maura took a deep breath, “It wasn’t a great time and I didn’t stay there long before moving to Dakar, so I hardly considered it worth mentioning.”

“Maura, what aren’t you telling me?” Jane persisted, even though Mark had given her the full story, she knew Maura had to be the one to say something.

“As I’ve said, it wasn’t a good time Jane.” Maura took a deep breath, her eyes closing briefly before she focused on Jane again. “We were right on the border of South Sudan while the war was in full flow. Some of the injuries that we saw. It was horrific.”

“That’s not all though is it?” Jane’s voice softened as she switched their hands, so she was now cradling Maura’s.

“No, it isn’t.” Maura finally admitted, “The woman and children were often helpless and so vulnerable. Beatings were common. So was rape.”

“What happened that meant you couldn’t stay there?”

“Our camp was attacked. It made what happened at Pibor seem like a picnic in the park.” Maura finally admitted. “A lot of women and children are the first to suffer, and the attack then was fast and brutal. People were forced to use weapons when they were sworn to protect lives, not take them. I... I tried to help and went against the advice we had been given to get out immediately. If Mark hadn’t been there... I don’t know what might have happened.”

“Maura, that’s okay - you wanted to help. I can understand that.”

“No Jane. You don’t understand. I was a hair's breadth away from being captured. Mark was forced to grab a gun and kill to protect me. He isn’t you Jane. It isn’t who he is, and all because I thought I knew better." 

Jane shifted in her seat so she could twist around and face Maura more. "I get it Maura, I get how you feel guilty."

“Do you?” Maura’s voice was full of anger.

Jane was shocked by the appearance of the anger and she sat back in her seat again as the surprise took over. “Yeah, I do understand. Don’t you think I feel guilty about shooting Doyle? Sure, I was doing my job, but Jesus Maur - I did so many things over that 24 hours that were wrong that I can’t help but feel guilty. My actions caused a rift between us that at times felt wider than the Grand Canyon!”

“No, you don’t get to compare this.” Maura replied with a forceful shake of her head. “I put Mark in a position that was unforgivable.”

Jane frowned again as she saw the anguish swirl in Maura’s eyes. “Maur, there is more to this. What?”

“I was close to being raped Jane. Is that what you want to hear. Happy now.” Maura suddenly turned so she was now facing the window, no longer able to keep eye contact with Jane.

“But you weren’t. You got out.” Jane countered gently, her fingers moving to cup Maura’s chin and with a gentle tug, she got Maura to look at her again.

“I might have got out Jane, but others weren’t so lucky.” Maura fought back the tears and she swallowed thickly, not wanting to be reminded of it.

“Survivors guilt, you know that.” Jane moved her fingers, and her thumb wiped a tear that had begun to roll down Maura’s cheek. “You tried to make a difference, and you did make a difference, even if it wasn’t there. You’re still making a difference.” 

“Am I? Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I am.” Maura replied with a slight snort. “Please, can we talk about something else now?”

“Course we can.”

Jane didn’t think as she leaned in and gave Maura quick kiss on her cheek. As she drew back, Maura swallowed down her emotion. Both knew they still had a lot to work through, but her gesture meant more to Maura than she had ever thought possible.

Jane truly does care was her thought as rested her head back, closing her eyes as she went.

 

“Oh Jesus Christ. I’m gonna throw up, I know I am...”

 

Maura couldn’t help the smile at Jane’s words as once again, the plane plunged down in the turbulence, and even Maura found she was gripping the armrests harder than usual.


	11. Boston and Samantha

**Chapter eleven.**

Jane sighed as she paid for the cab, before joining Maura at the bottom steps of her stoop. She hefted one of the bags in her hands onto her shoulder, before grabbing the one still by her feet, so as well as the bag now slung across her shoulder, resting on her back, both hands now had a bag, before turning to Maura. She felt a little like a pack mule, or rather what she could only imagine they felt like weighed down with all the luggage.

"You still have a key?"

"A key?" Maura turned slightly, a puzzled expression showing.

"Jeez Maura," Jane nodded towards the door. "Got my hands kinda full here, and we need to get inside."

"Oh yes, of course." Maura delved into a purse she had, pulling a small set of keys out. She quickly moved up the steps, trying not to let her nervousness show now they were finally back in Boston.

Jane followed, and couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief as she walked through her apartment door, before she shimmied her back and free shoulder so she was leaning against the door, and pushing back, it clicked closed behind her. Dropping all the bags by her couch, she pulled Maura into a light hug.

"Happy to be back?"

Maura nodded slightly, before burrowing her head into Jane's shoulder, "Actually, it's more than happy to be back..." Maura pulled back again, so she could look Jane dead in the eyes, "I'm happy to be back home."

Jane couldn't stop the smile, knowing just what Maura was conveying. This was home, not just Boston, or Jane's apartment, but them together where they belonged.

Jane tightened her hold ever so slightly, before she broke contact. Looked down at her clothes, crumpled and stained from all the travelling and grimaced. She looked as grubby as she felt. Sniffing the air slightly she grimaced further.

"I need a shower."

"So do I." Maura admitted, as she moved towards the kitchen. "Why don't you grab one first, and I'll begin sorting out here, so we can work out what we'll need for the next few days."

"Great." Jane began to head towards her bedroom, "by the way, you still have some spare clothes and a couple of pairs of shoes here."

Jane smiled again as she heard the muttered 'thank goodness' from Maura in response.

* * *

Jane stood at the kitchen counter, watching the coffee brewing. She had popped out to a local store to grab some essential items that would tide them over until they could go grocery shopping properly. She pulled a couple of mugs down as she heard the muffled sound of shower finally stopping.

Jane stood with one hip resting lightly against the counter, sipping coffee as Maura walked in. Like Jane, she had on a pair of loose fitting yoga pants, although light gray, rather than Jane's black. Whilst Jane also had a tank top on, again the color was different, with Jane's a light blue, and Maura's a rich, deep purple. Without thought, Jane put her mug down, strode over to Maura and pulled her in for a kiss.

They pulled apart, a look of surprise showing on Maura's face.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought that on?"

Jane shrugged her shoulders slightly as she moved to pass Maura the coffee she had ready. "I just realized how much I've held back with my feelings, and I dunno..." Jane looked slightly uncomfortable, "it just felt right. Besides, you look fantastic."

“Thank you.” Maura took the proffered coffee, taking a mouthful with a thoughtful expression,her eyelids fluttering shut as she drank. " Oh that's good."

Jane couldn't stop the snort of laughter from escaping. "It isn't your fancy coffee."

"No it isn't. But it's also not instant, nor is it what we had in camp, which admittedly was better than instant, but still, you have to say, wasn't as good as this coffee."

Jane couldn't disagree and right now, just standing in her kitchen drinking the coffee made her feel warm and she filed it away as a moment to remember.

* * *

"Where do we go from here?"

Jane shifted slightly uncomfortably as she asked the question. Showered, groceries brought in, coffee and food consumed and there was now nothing much else to do but sit down. They had settled on her couch, but the unease had begun to increase, and while Jane didn't really want to face anything, just wanting it to go back to where it had been before it fell apart, she knew they couldn't. Mind you, her head felt foggy, heavy; and she knew they were both fighting jet lag.

"Right now, we rest."

"You know that's not what I'm asking." Jane deliberately kept her tone light.

Maura sighed. "I know, but before we make any further decisions we do need rest Jane. It's been almost a non stop forty eight hour journey, with hardly any sleep. We need to recover. This isn't an excuse, but a fact. I can make a call if you really want to start the process of therapy..." Maura paused, before leaning into Jane, who automatically lifted her arm, allowing Maura to snuggle in close. "But right now, I need rest more than anything."

Jane could hear the weariness in Maura's voice and reminded herself that Maura had a nightmare of a journey from Pibor camp, had virtually no recovery time before they had headed home. She dropped a kiss on top of Maura's head.

"It can wait. You're right, we, but particularly you, need some rest."

"Thank you."

Jane internally winced when Maura allowed the sheer tiredness seep into her voice in her quiet words. Yes, they needed to begin sorting this out, but not right now. Right now, this was what they needed. They both fell asleep, cuddled up on her couch, as the light began to fade and night drew in.

* * *

"So, please sit."

Maura and Jane looked around the friendly office they had just been shown into, and taking a breath, Jane sat on a worn, and she had to admit, extremely comfortable, brown leather couch. Maura decided to join her, and while she didn't put real distance between them, Jane knew she'd deliberately put some between them. In some ways, Jane wished she hadn't, but she also understood why. This was not going to be easy, for either of them.

The woman they had called settled in an overstuffed armchair that was facing the couch, although not perfectly aligned. Jane could tell it was all deliberately set out to make someone feel comfortable, as if at home. Organized, yet not rigid. She was surprised to see there was no obvious desk, but a table next to the woman's chair, which was stacked with writing pads, a couple of pen holders and a vase of flowers, the variety of which Jane had no idea, although she knew Maura would not only know, she would have the latin name for them. A coffee table separated the couch and chairs, since there was more than one armchair in the room.

"So, welcome. It's good to see you both here. You'd be surprised how many couples, or individuals, skip out at the last minute, particularly for the first session." The woman said quickly, seeing the slight raise of Jane's eyebrows and questioning expression, "Now, as you should know, I'm Doctor Samantha Lloyd, but please, just call me Sam. How would you prefer to be addressed?"

Jane shrugged her shoulders slightly, "Jane's fine."

"Doctor Isles?"

"Maura is also fine. I just feel slightly uncomfortable calling a fellow professional by their first name." Maura began spinning her ring on her finger, "It is an incontrovertible fact that you can be impeccably punctilious about all the trappings of manners - opening doors, pulling out chairs, and men, or in my case, Jane who does it without a second thought, by walking on the roadside edge of sidewalks and so on - but still be appallingly rude. While I know you asked to be called Sam, you are a woman who earned your title..."

Maura didn't get any further as Jane's hand came out to clasp hers lightly. "Maura, breathe." Jane then looked at Sam with an apologetic expression, "When Maura gets nervous she either spews forth facts like you wouldn't believe, or becomes excruciatingly polite; or in this case, both."

Showing a look of understanding, Sam nodded, "Maura, I can understand your reluctance, however I much prefer a relaxed approach here, so if you feel more comfortable you can call me Samantha for now."

Maura let out a rush of air, visibly relaxing, "Yes, thank you - Samantha."

"So now let's get the boring introductions, expectations on both sides and paperwork out of the way." Sam moved and pulled some of the papers across from the table.

* * *

Jane looked at Maura trying once again to desperately rein in her emotions. In some ways it always irked her that Maura was the one person, hell, the only person who could not only cross that line she so solidly built and didn’t allow anyone else access to: It irked because Maura came striding in with Jimmy Choos, Gucci, Louis Vuitton or whatever the hell shoe was flavor of the day for her, with heels that stomped across that line and destroyed it. It never ceased to amaze Jane just how effectively that line didn’t even exist when Maura set her mind on gatecrashing it, and right now, she knew Maura was heading in that direction. She shifted her stance slightly, almost daring Maura to attempt the demolition, even though she knew such bravado would be utterly useless. Whatever was going to happen, Jane knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

"So you felt a need to be friends with Jane then, but she rebuffed your attempts?"

"Hey, I didn't rebuff her attempts." Jane finally spoke up her face turned to Sam, some anger tainting her voice.

Teeth worrying her bottom lip, Maura tensed. "Jane you did." Maura held Jane's piercing glare, "Once I knew who you were, that you weren't a prostitute, but an undercover Detective, I had wanted to say I was sorry for the cafe incident, but you never even stood still long enough to acknowledge me, let alone talk. Then, once I heard you were being assigned to homicide, I felt it even more important to talk, to at least try and be friendly because we would be working together, even if you couldn't be friends. Yet you were distant from me, even when working together. Then..." Maura finally bit down a sob that inexplicably tried to escape, making Jane shift, feeling even more uncomfortably.

"Maura, when you can, please carry on." Sam's words were soft, soothing.

"When I heard of your capture by Hoyt the first time, I felt, for lack of a better term, an icy knot of fear. I'd never experienced anything like it before and frankly, it shook me to know you had such a visceral effect on me; more so considering I hardly knew you. Certainly we worked together, but we were far from being friends at that stage. We were, at best, acquaintances. And then I was rushing to the scene, because I knew even though the EMS would help you, you'd hate that you were having to show weakness, pain, possibly fear. I will never forget the look you gave me as I came down those basement steps. The fear was there, masked but there, then you asked the paramedics to let me continue treatment. You let me in Jane for the first time and despite the circumstances, I felt lighter than ever."

“Jane, do you have something to add?”

Jane had slumped back into the cushions behind her, a frown on her face, “I don’t quite know what to say.”

“Perhaps you can explain why you seemed, at least from Maura’s perspective, to be keeping your distance as she has described.”

“I honestly hadn’t realized I did that.” Jane said, looking across at Maura with an apologetic expression. She sat forward slightly, her brow furrowed in thought. “Looking back to that time, I’ll admit it’s all a bit of a blur because I was just trying to do my damn job, working all the hours God sent. I had so much shit thrown my way. My sex, my age, my lack of experience. Tampons stuffed in water bottles. Condoms taped to my locker door. Towels taken when I had to take a shower at the precinct. Loads of other crap, that a lot of people like Crowe said was just in jest, and if I couldn’t handle it I shouldn’t be there. It was their humor, like it or lump it, and they used that to really beat down on me at times. It didn’t matter that I was a damn good cop who deserved to be there on merit.”

“So you felt as if you were having to fight against colleagues as much as fight for justice?”

“I guess, but there was Korsak and Dan and a few others like them, who I got on with and while they - Korsak and Dan - were both a little cagey when we first met, we quickly bonded. We have to trust our partners out there, they have to have our backs and I have to have their back.”

“So would you say that trying to maintain other workplace friendships was surpluses to requirements at that time? That all your energy was focused on getting that trust and recognition.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jane shrugged her shoulders. “I know that when I saw Maura come down those steps into the basement...” Jane faltered ever so slightly, “I knew I had to let her in.”

“Why was that?”

“Because I knew enough about Maura while working with her that she wouldn’t judge me. She wouldn’t see me as weak. As stupid.”

“Jane asked for a new partner, because she felt she’d let Korsak down. That he wouldn’t get past seeing her like that.”

Sam’s eyebrows rose in surprise at Maura’s interjection, “Jane?”

“Yeah, I did that.”

Seeing that Jane was beginning to close up, Sam settled back in her chair. “Since we’ve been at it for a little while now, and it’s only our first meeting, I suggest we end it there. Jane, I’d like you to think about why you reacted like you did with the Hoyt incident. Detective Korsak is obviously someone you admire. In your own words, someone you trust - yet you had to ask for a new partner. Look at that honestly. Write it down if it helps.”

Jane nodded, but remained quiet.

Sam turned to Maura.

“As for you Maura, I want you to try and figure out what it was that made you want so desperately to get to know Jane early on. There was obviously some kind of pull, some sort of desire that was stronger than most ‘needing to get to know the co-workers.’ scenarios we have.” Sam put her fingers up, and did air quotes. Dropping her hands back down, she smiled, “However, I also want you both to think on this, as traumatic as that first incident was, as much as Jane was pushing people she trusted away, it was the first time Jane let you in. Why? And honestly, what I've seen and heard today makes me very hopeful we’ll get through this with the minimum of fuss and trouble. I’ll see you in two days time.” 

* * *

As they settled down at a small table in a local coffee shop, Jane smiled. “Okay, that wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. And I admit, I like Sam. She gives off an air of the kindly aunt. The one who takes you under your wing when there is something you need to talk about, but can't got to your mom." Seeing Maura shrug her shoulders, Jane suddenly realized that Maura wouldn't have experienced that, and mentally chastised herself. She quickly moved the conversation on, "and I like she wanted to make it as informal as possible. It's a nice office for a start. Nothing like the stuffy tiny place they have at work. it’s one reason I always wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible before. Jesus, it’s dreary enough to make you depressed, even if you were the happiest person when you walk in."

Smiling at Jane’s words, Maura decided she didn’t need to question Jane’s lack of help previously. She knew it was going over old ground. It was the here and now that counted.

“I agree, Samantha did come highly recommended, and I can see why. I sense she's going to be a big help to us both," Maura took a deliberate sip of her espresso. “So, what next?”

Taking a deep breath, Jane gripped Maura’s free hand across the tabletop. “Next, we go back to your place and tell our scheming mothers we’re home!” Watching Maura’s face fall at the prospect, Jane did a mock shudder for effect, and smiled at Maura’s giggle.

Maura’s face took on a somber look as she put her cup down, “Will you stay the night?’

Jane nodded. “Yep, and we don’t have to go back to my apartment since I’ve still got some stuff of mine there, unless you had a fit of rage and burnt it?”

Maura smiled, “No. It’s still there.” Her face became serious again,  Home it is then.”


	12. Love and Marriage?!?

**Chapter twelve**

“Ma!” Jane croaked out as the older woman enveloped her daughter in a hug, barely giving them time to walk through the door. “Ma. Need. To. Breath!”

“Oh hush you! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming home! We’ve been here, sitting, worrying! You could’va let your mother’s know what you were doing. Is that tooooo much to ask? Is it? And Maura...” Angela broke her hold, and rushed to Maura, before she was also caught up in a bear hug.

“Ma, let Maura breath as well. For the love of Pete...” Jane grabbed one of Angela’s arms, and tugging managed to get her to let Maura go. Maura sucked in a breath, before she smiled as her mother, using a cane, slowly walked over.

“Darling.”

Maura leaned in gently to hug Constance, not wanting to hurt her, as they then exchanged kisses on cheeks, and found she had tears misting in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away, before taking another deep breath. “Mother, its wonderful to see you. Particularly since you're now up and about. Let’s all go into the sitting room.” 

Constance smiled, and with her free hand, she grasped one of Maura's as they moved into the room to sit down. All except Angela who rushed to the kitchen, and put the kettle on. She pulled mugs out, her smile radiating. Jane and Maura meanwhile settled down on the couch, as Constance settled in the one armchair.

Angela finished making drinks, and quickly settled on the other armchair. She leaned forward, her face alight with pure delight.

“So, you two together now, ya know a couple?”

“MA!” Jane managed, her stomach clenched in dread.

“What?” Angela threw up a hand, “You wanna sit there and pretend nothing happened before all this? I wanna know.”

Jane could see the calculation circling her mother and knew whatever was happening would be swift and unrelenting. She sighed heavily.

“Yeah Ma, we’re a couple and we’re working on it...”

Jane didn’t get any further as Angela literally propelled herself out of the chair, embracing Jane within seconds, causing Jane to fall back into the couch awkwardly.

“Ma...” Jane’s voice was muffled as she tried to push Angela off her. “For Christs sake... MA!”

Angela held on for a while longer before she moved and hit Jane on the arm. 

“Ow, what the hell?”

“That young lady is for putting us through this shit! You couldn’t do it the easy way? Oh no, you had to go half way across the world into a sand plagued, mosquito infested, war torn....”

“Hey, blame Maura for that one, not me!”

“Maura only went there because of you....”

“Actually Angela, it was my choice, Jane could hardly be blamed for that.” Maura spoke up quickly, seeing Jane getting steam rolled by Angela.

Angela moved, and before Maura could do anything about it, she was being held in a vice like grip.

"My babies are back, I’m so happy I could scream it out from the rooftops. And you don't have to defend Janie in this! And she's dating a doctor."

“MA!” Jane pulled on Angela’s arm, and she finally released her hold. Jane then stood up, and stomped across to the kitchen, where she proceeded to grab a bottle of red wine, opening it, and handing a large poured glass to Maura, a beer in hand, before she then sat back down again, but not before plonking the wine bottle and a spare bottle of beer down on the coffee table. 

Angela watched Jane, eyes narrowed, before she sat back down in the armchair with a very audible huff.

“So, you’re going back to work?”

Maura looked across at Jane, unsure quite whom the question was directed to, and seeing Jane slumped in the couch, a scowl on her face, she decided to answer.

“Although Jane’s suspension ends in five days time, she’s already spoken to Lieutenant Cavanaugh...”

“So he knows you’re back, but your own mothers have only just been told!” Angela screeched, “Holy mother Mary, Jesus and Joseph,” Angela quickly crossed herself, with a look to the heavens, before her eyes dropped back down and she looked pointedly at Jane, “Have I taught you nothing? I thought I’d brought you up better than this. Whaddya thinking? ” 

“That we could avoid this kind of shit.” Jane grumbled, and she threw up a hand and scowled even more as Maura shot her a look to show she was only stoking the fire with a comment like that.

“Janie!” Angela shook her head, “Show some respect.” Her eyes then narrowed and she turned deliberately to Maura, whose eyebrows shot up as her eyes widened, a slightly worried look showing.

“So, why didn’t you feel you could see us the moment you got back? Huh?”

“It was... “ Maura stuttered, before looking helplessly at Jane, who was shaking her head.

“Seriously Ma, we have a lot to do and a lot going on. We wanted certain stuff in place before we saw you, including me taking a few extra days vacation so Maura and I go back to work the same day.”

“I’m still disappointed in you - both of you.” Angela finally sat back, “So, what is happening between you two?”

“We’re seeing a counselor.” Maura blurted, then a look somewhere between horror and apology showed as she glanced at Jane, who seemed to sink further back into the couch.

“Oh Jesus, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.” Jane muttered, and then was enveloped again by Angela.

“Eww! Ma!”

“You know, your father and I went to see a marriage counselor once.” Angela declared as she held on tight.

A very muffled, “You did?” Could be heard from Jane, who was curled up as much as possible, but still firmly in the clutches of Angela.

“Mmm.”

“Wow, that was money well spent!”

“Janie! Do you wanna hear this or not?”

“Not - not in a million years.”

“I’ll stop hugging you if you or Maura tell me your story!”

All the fight seemed to drain out of Jane, “Okay, okay, okay! Get off, get off." 

Angela moved off, a satisfied look on her face.

Jane meanwhile simply glared, “If you interrupt, or hug me or Maur again, I’m done and we’re outta here! Understand!”

“Lips, sealed.” Angela motioned with her hands as if she were turning a key on her lips, as she moved back to her chair.

“Mmmm.” Jane felt it was the safest response, but also knew it wasn’t likely to shut her mother up. God she needed another drink.

Maura watched the interaction closely and she could tell Constance was just as intrigued. It never ceased to amaze her that Jane was such a solid detective, someone who had faced down serial killers, violent criminals and extreme stalkers. Yet, her mother was the one person who could and would often set Jane on edge. More than that, Maura realized, Angela could put the fear of God in Jane like no other. 

Angela listened in rapt fascination as Jane tried to condense the time spent finding Maura, and their return home as quickly as possible. Even Constance looked surprised by some of the story, and while they both knew of the Pibor incident, it still worried them both as Maura spoke up to give her version of events there.

Angela finally got up, and surprised Jane by gently kissing them both on the cheek, a hand then cupping their jaws, eyes misted with un-shed tears. "I love you both!"

Angela then sat back down, looking at both women carefully. “So you had sex yet?”

Jane choked on her last swallow of beer, Maura giving her a helpful pat on the back.

“Joking!” Angela then said, a wide grin on her face, before she looked thoughtful again, “Kinda joking.”

“Maura, can we please go home?” Jane knew she was whining but she didn’t care one iota.

“Janie, you stay right here. You’ve only just come back and now you wanna abandon us! Not happening.” Angela said, a grin still on her face, “And so, c’mon, tell us more about you. As in you two being together.”

“Ma, nope, that is not going to happen.” Jane said firmly, as Angela looked like a shark having scented fresh blood in the water.

“Oh well, if you insist.”

“I insist!” Came the overly loud reply, as Jane then finally blew out a breath as Angela settled back into her chair.

Then Angela could barely contain the excitement in her voice, “Maura, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’ve been shopping with your Mother! We went to some wonderful boutiques.” Angela’s eyes went slightly out of focus as she remembered the last couple of days.

Maura smiled, pleased to see that the conversation was apparently steering away from her and Jane, “Really? I didn’t think the spring lines were in place until next week, although obviously, I’ve been a little out of touch recently.”

“Oh they are already in place dear.” Constance finally spoke, leaning forward slightly, her eyes twinkling. “Much of what I saw in Milan and Paris is now available.”

Maura ran her tongue around her teeth, before nibbling her bottom lip, as Jane just rolled her eyes in an overly dramatic fashion, causing Maura to chuckle at her antics.   

“Constance was brilliant!” Angela gushed, “She knows I have a different style than you would Maura, and she really helped me pick out some wonderful classic lines, but with such great colors. Stuff I never would have thought to have bought before. I have a wonderful linen skirt in a dusky pink.”

“Dusky pink?” Maura replied, intrigue in her voice.

“Dusky pink!” Jane said, horror in hers.

Ignoring Jane, Angela nodded, “It’s wonderful. Conservative Jazz is what the saleswoman told me. Sexy lady of the manor, ya know.”

“Oh god I’m gonna be sick.”

“Jane, honestly.” Angela said, a frown now on her face, “Just because you don’t know if you wanna talk to Maura or jump her bones right now, don’t take it out on us! Besides Sean really likes what I’ve bought.”

That brought Jane up short, as she blinked rapidly, “Sean?” She hated her voice went all croaky on her. “What the hell has my boss got to do with you and your new outfits!?” Jane demanded.

“We like to... spend time together.” Angela said, as she stiffened, daring Jane to make more of it, and decided to really push her buttons, “I love it when we play bad cop with a suspect.”

Jane pushed her fingers into her eyes as they twitched. She was trying to get around what her mother had just said, “Oh my god, you totally have perverted sex games with my boss!” Jane said more to herself, as Angela smirked.

Angela then stood up, smoothing down her pants, before looking at her watch, “And on that note, I’ve gotta go sleep. I’m on early tomorrow and opening up the cafe.”

Jane watched as Angela walked out towards the guest house. She moved and grabbed the glass of wine in Maura’s hand, having no beer left, giving Maura, who had a grin on her face, a hard glare. She downed the contents in one; then scowled at Maura and Constance, who was also trying to smother her own grin. “The first one who says anything about that little conversation eats this glass!”

* * *

 Jane stumbled towards her apartment front door, trying not to trip over her socks, which were somehow trying to come off her feet, a scowl firmly in place.

“Whoever the hell this is, they better have a fucking good reason to be hauling my ass outta bed...”

Still grumbling, Jane flung the door open, not even bothering to check who had their fist firmly banging on the door. She almost landed flat on her ass as she was engulfed, and it took all her strength to keep her and her attacker upright.

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill both of us?” Jane then asked, as she watched Mark walk inside, closing the door behind him, as Fred clung on to her for dear life. “What in the fuck are you doing here?”

Fred stepped back slightly, hands still firmly gripping Jane’s forearms, “Well, that’s a lovely greeting if ever there was one. We come all the way back here, fighting through blood, sweat and tears...”

“Oh for crying out loud!” Jane shook her head, and couldn’t contain the laugh that was bubbling up at Fred’s dramatics, “C’mon in properly and make yourself at home. I’ll just go and let Maura know you’re here.”

Jane need not have bothered, as a rumpled looking Maura, her hair tousled slightly from sleep, in her silk pajamas came wandering in, stifling a yawn.

“Jane what on earth is going....” Maura didn’t get any further as she spotted Mark and Fred, who both began to head her way.

She squealed in delight as Fred picked her up, twirling her around, before putting her back down, kissing her lightly, as Mark then moved in, giving her a hug.

“Well, this is an unexpected surprise.” Maura said rather breathlessly.

“Ya think?” Jane said, holding back her laugh, as she moved towards her coffee machine. She looked up as Maura led Mark and Fred towards her couch. “I don’t have any black tea here, just some fragrant stuff Maura likes sometimes.”

“Jasmine tea, honestly, you should know what it is by now.” Maura said, as she settled down on the couch, Fred and Mark either side.

Mark twisted around to look at Jane, “Coffee for us both is fine.”

“Coffee it is.”

Finally, Jane made the coffee, and pulling a small armchair across, she sat on it, while Maura, Fred and Mark stayed on the couch.

“So, what brings you here?” Jane finally asked. “We’ve only been back a few days.”

“We were due to fly back from this term in a few weeks time, having already done eighteen months, and with the on-going attacks on outlying camps, we were told we could come back earlier if needed, since there is now plenty of medical cover in the main compound, since so many doctors and nurses have had to come back. Michele sends her love, as does Alice. Both are staying in camp to help out. One reason we’ve been able to leave, since Alice has taken over the work Fred had, while Michele is now taking on my patients, as well as any new ones who come in.”

“Enough about us, what has happened with you two?” Fred asked quickly.

Fred could hardly stop fidgeting as he listened to Jane and Maura talk about their time back in Boston. He finally laughed loudly at hearing Maura recanting the meeting with Constance and Angela.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up at my expense.” Jane said with a shake of her head.

“You have to admit, it is funny.” Fred gasped, holding back fresh laughter at Jane’s glare in his direction.

“No, it’s not.’

“Almost as funny as that time we ended up swimming naked in Grant’s pool.”

Maura immediately blushed, and Jane perked up, “Oh yes, what’s this about?”

Seeing that Maura had not divulged the incident, Fred lightly clapped his hands together, “Grant is an old school buddy of Mark’s, his family own most of Cheshire...” Seeing Jane’s blank look, he clarified, “It’s one of our counties in England.”

Nodding her understanding, Jane lent forward in rapt fascination, “So, although the main family home is in Cheshire, Grant has a place in Kent, not far outside of London. Like Mark, he went into medicine after school and is now a specialist-” Mark paused, “And of course you’re not in the least bit interested in this.”

“Well, duh,” Jane said, with a light roll of her eyes.

“Anyway, in his gaff in Kent, which is huge, he’s got an indoor pool. So, Mark and I are getting married - well Civil Partnership as it’s known at the moment in England - and so we’ve got joint hen and stag dos going on. Mark and his lot are up in the main house, smoking cigars, drinking port... doing the stag bit... ”

“You know I don’t smoke.” Mark interjected, as he then put up a hand in apology that he’d interrupted as Fred glared at him, “By all means, carry on.”

“It was a bloody brilliant party, even I do say so myself,” Fred carried on, Jane’s eyebrows raised only slightly, “So there we are, knocking back the Champagne, followed on by the Vodka and Redbull - and I remember Maura was sitting there, drink in hand, when our friend Nadine suddenly slid across to her, topped Maura’s drink up, and said something in her ear. I was to later learn it was ‘The music’s a pounding, there’s dancing to be done.’

“Next thing, Maura is up on her feet, teetering for a second on those ridiculously high heels she insists on wearing, before gyrating around. Someone, I forget who, yelled out ‘Hey hot stuff’ and Nadine was there, with Maura, spinning around, dancing with another pal of mine. A drag queen who works out of the nightclubs in a place called Blackpool.

“She just said ‘Let’s do this,’ and unzipping her haute couture dress, that I know cost more than I make in a month, she threw it down, and before I knew what was happening, Maura, Nadine and Stevie all have glow-stick necklaces on, and bugger all else; dancing away to the music being pumped out into the pool room. The lacy purple underwear she had worn was getting rapidly trampled underfoot. She really got into the spirit, crotch grinding with Stevie. Who I must also add is about 6 foot six inches tall without his high heels on, black, and makes me look butch. The sight was pretty impressive. They were an adorable couple. I think Nadine was a little put out though, because you could tell she was trying to hit on Maura, who bless her, was completely oblivious to the social cues.”

Jane looked across at Maura, who was slowly getting redder by the second.

“I didn’t think you had that in you Maura.” Jane finally admitted.

“I was pretty drunk, and frankly I was hoping that Fred here would never again recite the incident. It’s one I’ve tried to remove from my memory.”

Fred tapped the side of his head. “Nope, it’s logged right here. Followed on by you then diving into the pool, and pretty much everyone else followed you. Water going everywhere, shrieking and shouting like you’ve never heard before. The music was even getting drowned out. How the hell no-one actually drowned with the amount of alcohol that we’d consumed, I’m still not sure. It was a bloody fantastic night.” Fred sighed with a dreamy expression on his face.

Maura felt the blush receding, as she finished her coffee, placing her mug with deliberate care onto the coffee table, “It was liberating. Besides, it was a private pool, it was hardly a display in public.”

“It’s more Fred is a bad influence,” Mark spoke up, “And now we’ve got to know you Jane, I’m sure you’re going to discover this sooner rather than later. I’ll apologize in advance.”

Maura watched Jane’s eyes twinkling in amusement, but then frowned slightly as Jane seemed to pale in front of her. Putting a hand out, Maura couldn’t stop the worry, as she asked lightly, “Jane?”

Jane looked at Maura, pure fear showing, “Is there any way in hell we can keep Ma and Fred apart?”

Maura looked shell shocked, then as fearful as Jane, as Mark and Fred both burst out laughing.

 

 

* * *

  
  



	13. Getting closer.

**Chapter thirteen**

“Remind me why you talked me into this again?” Jane complained as she twitched in her chair.

Smiling, Maura put a hand out to stop Jane’s jiggling leg, “Because we both know this has to be done. Even you admitted, the first sessions have been helpful.”

“I know.” Jane swallowed hard, “Still doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“I doubt we’re supposed to like it,” Maura said with a smile, “Just focus on what you want. Sam’s already made it perfectly clear, that while she’ll push if she feels she has to, she’ll also just back down if she feels it’s becoming detrimental to either of us at the time.”

“So, where are Fred and Mark today?” Jane then asked, desperate to try and think of something else.

“I believe Fred is clothes shopping with my mother, while Mark is looking at getting some electronics for the apartment they recently bought in New York.”

“New York.” Jane couldn’t keep the disgust out of her voice, “I mean, they knew you lived in Boston, so why not here. Honestly...”

“Because Mark’s parents charity interests are based primarily in New York,” Maura explained patiently, “And while he doesn’t have an awful lot to do with it - he does have his own foundation to help medical issues for the poor, and he likes to be involved if he isn’t with MSF or back home in London. Besides, he has his own helicopter pilots licence, so it’s easy for him and Fred to fly into Boston when they want to.”

“Right, because we can all do that.”

Lightly tapping Jane’s arm, hearing the humor in her words, Maura looked as Sam opened her door, asking them inside.

* * *

"How did you cope seeing Maura in the morgue when you went back to work after the first incident with Hoyt?"

Maura looked slightly surprised by the wording of the question. She expected Sam to ask Jane about how did she cope going back to work, not how did she cope as she came back to see Maura in the morgue. She was still pondering the question, and suddenly she understood. More than understood, but more than that, felt mortified she had never given the implications of Jane's return to the morgue more than a cursory thought.

Maura felt slightly ill at it all. After all this time, and Jane had not once said anything. Jane's tease of her being the dumbest genius she knew never felt more apt. She waited for Jane’s reply, even though she now understood - and frankly was finding it hard not to feel self reproach over not recognizing Jane’s need at the time.

Jane ran a thumb across the still fading scars. They were no longer as raised, but the skin discoloration was still obvious.

"It was hell." Jane finally admitted. "I saw Maura picking up what is one of the most essential tools of her trade, I knew seeing a scalpel again was going to be hard. This was where a scalpel was for used for good. For helping us help the victims who don’t otherwise have a voice. To help their family and close friends with some answers where possible. I didn't know how hard seeing it being picked up would be. How much it would terrify me as Maura made the first cut into the skin. I wanted to throw up. In fact I did."

Maura's head snapped up at that last confession, a frown appearing. She had expected the first part, but the last few words were a complete shock, "What? No, you didn't."

"Yeah, I did. Remember, I walked out. I barely made it to the nearest restroom."  

"Oh Jane." Maura leaned in, her hands clasping Jane's feeling even more upset at this second revelation. She'd steeled herself for the hearing about seeing a scalpel again, but she had no idea just how badly it had affected Jane.

Sam could see if was upsetting for both women, and she settled down a little, giving them time to just assess what had been talked about. She did though allow herself a small internal smile - she felt even more confident that these two would be okay, and they were doing the exact right thing by seeing her, for a short while at least. But still, they had ground to cover.

"Looking on a positive - I have to say, this first encounter with Hoyt appears to be the first time you really deepened your friendship. Would you agree?"

"Yeah," Jane spoke up, "Heck, if it wasn't for Maura's work, it would have been far more difficult for us to get clues about Hoyt. It was the first time I really got to see her at work like that."

"The same could be said for me," Maura then replied, "Seeing Jane working with the clues, putting them together, was fascinating."

"Yet you still hid the issues you faced coming back to work and seeing Maura with a scalpel Jane. Why do you think that was?"

"I guess, I've never had someone to rely on like that. I work in such a male dominated field, I kinda got used to not showing weakness. Ma isn’t the sort of person I can talk to - and Daddy, well, I don’t have a relationship with him now, but he definitely wasn’t someone I could turn to, not like that. Sure, baseball, softball, that sorta thing. But emotional stuff. Forget it. As for my brothers, I'm older than they are, so I've tended to be the one looking after them, ya know. I suppose Frankie is the one I'm closest to, but still... He's my brother, ya know, my little kid brother. So I’ve always been kinda good at not showing any weakness."

"It isn't weakness," Maura was the one who spoke, "Jane don't you understand? It's about trusting me to help you if I can. At the very least, it's about me understanding your reaction. Trust me to at least understand?"

Jane swallowed hard, “I’ll try. I can give you that.”

“And I think for a beginning that’s a good starting point.” Sam said, as she scribbled down a couple of notes. 

* * *

 Jane grimaced. This was the area she didn't want to cover. Hell, she'd tried to avoid talking about it at every turn. But Sam was like a starving dog with a bone - she was not going to let it go.

"You both agree that the changes that came about in your relationship can be traced back to a specific time.” Sam watched as Jane shifted nervously in her seat, “Can you explain why the shooting at the precinct became the turning point for deterioration in your friendship with Maura."

"It was..." Jane faltered, as the memories surfaced, "It was the closest I've ever come to dying. Even Hoyt didn't hold that same horror. Did Hoyt scare me? I admitted to Maura the second time around that I had never been so scared. But this - this was a different kind of terror. I had to save Frankie, but also make sure Maura was safe.” Jane then turned and glared at Maura, anger spilling over, “And what the fuck were you thinking?”

Maura balked, “I beg your pardon?”

Even Sam looked slightly shocked by the anger in Jane’s voice and posture.

“You, running out through those doors without even looking first, right into the middle of a hostage situation, with guns everywhere! Were you looking to get shot? For fucks sake Maura, you just.....” Jane stopped her tirade, although both Sam and Maura could see her hands were shaking ever so slightly.

“Maura, I think you need to respond to this.” Sam said gently.

“I didn’t even think of it like that.” Maura admitted, as Jane glared at those words, “I didn’t!” Maura insisted. “I just knew you’d need to know Frankie was on his way to hospital. That we were both safe.”

“But you weren't’ safe don’t you understand,” Jane practically growled, “You ran right into an active situation. If I hadn’t already grabbed that gun, I know for a fact Bobby would have taken a shot at you! Then what? SWAT firing on him, so we could both get shot at, potentially killed. Jesus Maura, what the hell were you thinking?”

Maura sat back stunned before her own anger began to mount slightly, “I love you, don’t you get it! I needed you to know what was happening. Yes, it was stupid in hindsight, but I needed to know you were okay, and then-” Maura’s voice hitched in her throat as tears began to fall, “And then I had to watch you put a bullet through yourself anyway. Can you even imagine for one second what that felt like? It was if I’d been punched in the stomach. I wanted to be sick. I thought I’d lost you - for good. That the one truly great person in my life would be no more. Don’t. You. Get. It! I. Love. YOU!”

Jane recoiled, as she shook her head, “I get that now Maura. Hell, I know we loved each other even then - but you can’t be going into situations like that. You just can’t...”

“Oh so it’s okay for you to walk into a bank hostage situation with nothing more than your vest on for protection? That a shot to the head would have been all it took to likely kill you?” Maura was trembling now, a mixture of anger and pure adrenaline hitting her. “Or to shoot yourself, even when you were surrounded by SWAT and half of the BPD. Bobby was going nowhere, yet you put a bullet through your body.”

“It’s my job Maura, it’s what I’m trained to do - you of all people....”

“I never once said it’s about your job Jane. I get that your job is going to potentially put you in dangerous situations every single day you walk out of the door. I get you are trained for potentially life threatening situations; I get all of that, and believe me, as hard as it is to watch the person I love walk out the door knowing all this, I accept that every single day I'm with you. That it's who you are! What I don’t get is why you have to be the hero all the damn time? You can, at times, simply be reckless - beyond reckless - and it’s that recklessness that scares the crap out of me.”

Jane looked shocked. Partly from Maura’s overall words, but also the swearing, knowing she only ever swore when she was the most stressed, and even then, it was often mild in comparison to what Jane could spout, particularly when around some of the other detectives.

“I’m not reckless.” Was all Jane could think as a come back. She watched as Maura simply shook her head, a look of defeat there, and a couple of tears fell freely down her cheeks.

“Yes, you can be Jane. Not all the time, but you honestly can sit there and deny it? Then I don’t know what I can do.”

“Whoa, Maura,” Jane looked shocked, as she then looked across to Sam, a plea to help obviously showing.

Sam leaned forward ever so slightly, handing a tissue to Maura, who took it, before turning her head away slightly.

“Jane, did these incidents happen as Maura described?”

“What?” Jane had been fixed on Maura, still reeling from the last few minutes, and it took all her self control to look back at Sam, “Yeah I guess.”

“It would appear there is no guess about it Jane. And while I know you find it hard to accept, Maura’s worries are valid and you should consider the implications. So, for now, I think we’ll take a break, to give you both a chance to regroup. However, what I don’t want is for you both to go from here, and then ignore each other, or simply refuse to talk. I’m not saying you have to tackle this, but you do have to move past it until you can settle down more.

“If you feel you can talk once you leave here about this specifically, then please do. But - and I say this as a warning - only if you both feel you can do it without throwing accusations at each other. I would recommend you take a day or so as well, unless you specifically feel you need to talk about it tonight. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.” Jane mumbled.

Maura meanwhile nodded, before she looked back at Jane, and she put her hand out, grasping Jane’s. Jane looked up, and squeezed their fingers ever so slightly, and gave a slight nod of her own.

* * *

Jane stumbled into her apartment at around 1 a.m. or thereabouts. Hell, all she knew was it was late. Her head was ringing, and she was trying desperately to get some sense of hearing back. Why did she agree to a club again? Oh yeah, Maura looking at her all doe eyed. Well that and Fred who looked like someone had kicked his puppy and then his kitten for good measure when Jane first said no.

Grabbing a couple of bottles of water out of her fridge, she began to strip off as she headed towards her bed not caring where her clothes fell, knowing she was going to pay for this by morning. Or rather, by later this morning Jane reminded herself as she literally face planted herself down on the bed, barely getting the water bottles onto the nightstand as she fell. Nightclothes be damned.

At least a night out in some club with Fred and Mark had kept her mind off what had happened with her and Maura at the last appointment. But she hated that she and Maura had already decided to spend the night apart, long before the incident at counseling - and while Maura had told Jane she would have preferred coming back with her, she also knew they needed to just decompress and spend time apart. It truly had been a great night, but still, Jane couldn’t help but feel lonely and needing Maura to be there.

God I’m so whipped. Was Jane’s last waking thought as she finally fell asleep. 

Jane woke, and for a split second, she reached out to grab her gun, before her hand was grasped, and a whispering breath hit her ear.

“Don’t. Just... don’t.”

Maura’s hands then moved, and Jane was suddenly violently and shockingly aroused. So far, they had done little more than kiss and make out. Now though, Jane felt as if her blood was pounding in her ears. Her heart thudded in her chest, as she swallowed hard, trying to get moisture into her dry mouth. Then a mouth covered hers, and she simply surrendered and let out the moan she’d been trying to hold back.

Maura’s lips were greedy, hot. They gave Jane little choice but to capitulate, even as Jane moved and tried to respond in kind, but all she could sense were lithe fingers, as they moved across scorched skin, before finding the fiery heat, the mouth moving, releasing her own, before possessing a nipple, sucking as teeth then scraped, before it was laved with the tongue, and Jane could only give out incoherent whimpers, nothing intelligible was possible. Her hands grappled with the sheet beneath her, seeking any kind of purchase, and yet it felt as if nothing was able to anchor her.

“God!” The single word flew out of her mouth, as Maura plunged harder, deeper. Her body bucked, frantic with need, as Maura rocked her own body in time, thigh meeting thigh, and Jane feeling as if her body was going into shock, could little more than cry softly, seconds before she fell headlong into the orgasm that had been building.  

As Maura collapsed on top of her, Jane finally let out a long satisfied sigh.

“Sorry to wake you.” Maura finally said, as her breathing evened out, her voice slightly hoarse.

Jane snorted back a laugh, as she focused on the woman still lying across her. “I can tell you’re really, really sorry.”

Maura could only sigh, her breath meeting Jane’s skin, and Jane felt it prickle as if she’d been hit by tiny jolts of electricity. Taking a deep breath, she tried to center her thoughts.

“I thought we’d agreed to stay apart tonight?”

“Mmm.”

Jane pushed some hair away from Maura’s face, as she then put the fingers to Maura’s chin, moving them so Maura would have to look at her.

Maura sighed, “We did. But then I had to just come over... and I saw the trail of clothes across the floor... and, well this certainly wasn’t planned.”

“I’m not complaining,” Jane replied, as her hands began to absently stroke up and down Maura’s back, before she frowned, “I don’t have to get up yet do I?”

“No. It was just after two when I arrived.” Maura shifted slightly, so she was now mainly lying alongside Jane, her head tucked into Jane’s one shoulder.

“Thank god for small mercies,” Having heard the weariness in Maura’s voice, Jane gathered her up as much as she could, kissing her temple, “Go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Came the almost inaudible reply, as Jane felt Maura’s body go slack. Seconds later, she was following her into her own welcome slumber.

* * *

 “I’m pleased that you have both said you have come to agreement about what was talked about last time.”

“We did.” Maura spoke up, “Jane understands my concerns, and we’ve gone through incidents where I felt she was rash, and we’ve worked out when I had genuine cause to worry. Equally, we’ve agreed that Jane wasn’t trying to upset anyone - it’s just she always feels such a need to help, even when it’s to the detriment to her own health or safety.”

“I’ve agreed to just try and curb that side of me a little. To pause for a little longer, really look at the situation and if I need to go in.” Jane added, a small smile in Maura’s direction. “I know I had family waiting for me - but now, I’ve got more than that. I honestly didn’t realize how much I’d put myself into unnecessary dangerous situations until Maura said something.”

“It’s good to know you’ve talked, and are recognizing the situation. If you’re okay with that then, if I can bring it back to something you said last time, Jane, about the shooting at the station,” Sam looked down at her notes, “ you said, and I quote, ‘this was a different kind of terror.’ Can you try and explain that to me?”

“I don’t know if this is about to make any kind of sense, but it wasn't lying there, as Maura fought to keep me alive that scared me so much. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember a lot, its very broken and jumbled up, but I can recall enough to know it was serious. Potentially fatally serious. It was afterwards that scared the crap outta me."

"Afterwards?" Sam queried as Jane faltered.

"I came too at the hospital, having been kept in a medically induced coma for five days. I'd had some infection, that delayed the decision to reduce the sedation, and the first time I woke I don't remember much, but I freaked out."

Maura looked upset, understanding flooding through her. She had been witness to the events Jane was trying to talk about, but she had no real understanding what had subsequently transpired between her and Jane. She needed to know. She needed Jane to explain.

"Jane." Sam leaned forward slightly, concern showing.

"I freaked because I was in restraints. I immediately thought I was back in the basement being pinned down by Hoyt. I had absolutely no understanding I was restrained to stop me disturbing any one of the tubes or wires that were in or attached to me. That wasn’t even in my thoughts as I came too. I just needed to get out of there. I was fighting everyone then. Nurses, the doctors, interns, even Maura. I didn’t even recognize any of them for who they are. I could only see Hoyt."

“It sounds under the circumstances a perfectly natural reaction to have.” Sam said. "But why did this change things between you and Maura?"

"Because Maura saw me freak out. She saw me weak, helpless but more, she saw me freaking out over something that was there to help me! I was stupid. She saw me being stupid! There I've said it! She was there when she shouldn’t have to see me like that. It was bad enough she saw me so badly injured. That she had to sit there, taking turns with my family at my bedside, as my parents split their time between my room and Frankie. To then see me lose it like that? I can't bear the thought she saw me so weak....” Jane shook her head, her words drifting off.

  
  



	14. Friends

**Chapter fourteen**

Jane sat in the booth, drinking another beer, as Fred sat opposite her.

“So, how different is this from a British pub then?”

“Well they both have the same smell of stale beer and body odor. So not alot really. Different drinks available, we have a lot of places with real ale on tap now, and a lot of your beer is called lager over there. Otherwise, a pub is a pub by any other name.”

“I guess.” Jane took a mouthful of her beer, as did Fred, who then sighed.

“Sorry, but this stuff is like gnat’s piss compared to what I’m used to.” Fred explained seeing Jane's questioning face.

“Gnat’s piss? Gnat’s piss! Really?” Eyebrows raised, Jane put her bottle down, “So what would you usually drink?”

“Basically a good real ale, brewed locally. There is one place called Shotover brewing in Oxfordshire that does a beer called the dog bollocks.”

“The dog’s bollocks?” Jane laughed, “As in dog’s balls?” Fred nodded, and Jane’s laugh grew louder before she looked back at him, “Now you’re taking the piss.”

“No, seriously. It means I dunno...” Fred paused, “I guess the closest you’d have is ‘It’s awesome.’”

“Okay, that’s just a weird one.”

“I guess. It’s like here when you say waffle, you’re talking about food. Over in the UK, if you say someone’s waffling - it means they are rambling on. Talking a load of rubbish, but you can also just waffle on, to ramble, or it can mean food. It’s like if we say someone’s a plonker, it means he is an idiot.”

“Oh yeah, plonker, I’ve heard of that one. Like you also say wanker, we might say he’s a jerk off.”

“You’ve got it,” Fred smiled, “So, what am I? Wanker, plonker or am I okay?”

“You Fred, are more than okay.” Jane looked up, and smiled. Fred followed her gaze. "Fred, looks like you're gonna meet my partner Barry Frost, and my old partner, who works with us a lot, Vince Korsak." Jane then waved them over.

* * *

 Jane stood at the bar, a grin on her face, that quickly turned to a grimace and a hand shot out, as if blocking something. 

"Murray, no. Uh huh. No way, no how."

The barman looked at her, eyes narrow, "Hey, way I'm hearing it, you did a good thing Rizzoli. You took Paddy Doyle off the streets. He wasn't above strong arm tactics to get owners of establishments like this one to take up his 'security' services. I never had him here, but I know plenty who did, and they lost out whichever choice they made. You know the sorta thing Rizzoli. He wasn't as clean as he liked to make out. Sure he'd not take out women, or people he thought of as innocent, but he'd still use strong arm tactics to scare the shit outta people, as well as be judge and jury. His form of justice was not ours that's for sure. It also wasn't what a lot of people thought. So, yeah, I think you deserve this." As he spoke, Murray pushed a bottle across the bar towards Jane, who moved back ever so slightly.

"No!" Jane sighed, blowing out a breath, as a hand went through her hair. "What I did wasn't as heroic as you're making out here. Besides, it was just the job, so I can't take anything from you."

Murray shrugged his shoulders, "Okay, so take this for you to party that skinny ass of yours with the new friend over there as a freebie. This here champagne is on me."

"You call this champagne?" Jane grimaced again, "if that's champagne, I'll eat that god awful cap my brother is wearing." Jane gestured behind her at Frankie, who had a baseball cap on backwards.

"Hey, it sparkles when you pour it in the glass and is the right color, what more do you want?" Murray had taken the foil off, and was quickly working the cork loose, which popped with minimal fuss, before handing the opened bottle over to Jane, "Just take the damn bottle Rizzoli and ya know, do that thing called enjoying ya self. No use to me now it's opened. It’ll just go flat, and you wouldn’t want that, now would ya?"

Giving in, Jane grabbed the neck of the bottle, before sending one last glare in Murray's direction, "We get poisoned by this shit, your ass is mine."

"You get poisoned by that shit and it'll be your own ass you'll be worrying about, it won't give you chance to worry about anyone else, let alone mine."

"Yeah, yeah. Real comedian you are Murray." Jane replied, "I mean it, this gives us anything other than a really bad taste in the mouth, and I'll be putting Ma on to you."

Ignoring the exaggerated yell of horror from Murray that she'd dare set Angela on him and his fine establishment, Jane settled down, putting the bottle in the middle of the table, with questioning looks from everyone else there, "Present from Murray," she said as way of explanation, "And no, don't ask why, just drink the god damn awful shit. Fred, if you and Mark are anything like Maura and me, and have got used to Mark's champagne tastes, which I guess are gonna be like Maura's, even if you are totally shit faced, you do not wanna be touching this."

"Thanks for the warning. I guess it's more like paint stripper." Fred said, watching with a bemused expression as Frankie, Frost and Korsak all descended on the bottle like vultures, quickly emptying the contents into glasses that looked vaguely clean.

“Paint stripper is actually good compared to this.” Jane replied, earning a shudder of horror from Fred.

"It ain't half bad Rizzoli. Nice of Murray to give it to you, and you should never look a gift horse in the mouth." Korsak said, as he practically inhaled the glass.

"If the horse is dead, I'm ignoring it. And that horse is not just dead, but decomposed and full of nasty gas. Bit like you old man." Jane replied.

Korsak laughed, "No talking shop Rizzoli. Would have thought you have had enough of dead bodies." He paused as he rewound the words in his head, “Hey I’m no dead horse!”

"You brought it up." Jane sounded exasperated. "God why did I come here?"

"Yeah, why did ya come out tonight?" Frankie then asked.

"Fred. Said he wanted to get out, see something the locals do, not what the tourist might go to look at. Mark and Maura were engrossed in some medical procedure thing that was recently published and practically shoved us out the door this afternoon, telling us to do our own thing. They had all kinds of medical textbooks open over the table. So, here we are."

"You bitched all the way out of the door." Fred said, "but, you came out for me and have shown me a lot of Boston I've missed before and wouldn't have seen otherwise, so I'm grateful." Fred then grabbed Jane's drink, swilling it down with a satisfied 'mmm'. He flinched as she smacked his arm, before stomping back to the bar, coming back with a new pitcher of beer, which Fred used to immediately top up his previously empty glass.

"Touch my beer again, you're going back to Mark in plaster from the broken limbs I'm gonna inflict on you." Despite the words, Jane couldn't help but smirk at Fred's cheeky demeanour. She didn't know why, but anyone doing that would have been killed on the spot, but somehow, Fred got past those defenses.

Nodding, Fred threw a crooked grin Jane's way, before glancing back at the others in the booth who were looking on with shocked expressions.

"What the hell? Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?" Frankie asked, a frown on his face.

"I am Frederick Watkins - known simply as Fred - at your service; tamer of the animal known as the wild Rizzoli, a very rare species. Vicious in her own habitat, but surprisingly tame when you study her carefully, or when in her natural mating environment with her lifelong partner, the enigmatic and alluring Maura Isles. A splendid example of beauty if ever there was one." Standing up as he spoke, Fred gave an exaggerated bow, "I believe we need a toast." Rocking slightly, Fred held onto the edge on the table, raising a glass, and managed to only spill a small amount over Korsak's head, who was completely oblivious at this point. "To the best cops in the whole goddamn stinking city of Boston."

Drinking quickly, Frost then stood up, as Fred managed to sit back down without incident. He looked across at Jane, with an expression that she would later describe as a mixture between glassy and dreamy.

"To the best cop I've ever worked with, who's involved with the sexiest bitching medical examiner this city has ever known. I would tap her if I knew Rizzoli wouldn't kill me first. And because Rizzoli is so damn smart, she allowed me to not just be permanent... permanently attached to homicide, but to be her partner. It's where I goddamn belong. Sick stomach at scenes be damned. Oh and Crowe's an ass. So there." Frost then toppled back into his chair without falling on the floor, some of his drink slopping over the side of his glass as it slammed back onto the table, with a stupid grin on his face.

"Frost, I've never been so touched," Jane said, with an exaggerated finger drawn under her eyes as if wiping a tear, before her face hardened slightly, "but you ever talk about 'tapping' Maura, or words like that again, and I'll kick your ass and have you on desk duty for a goddamn month."

Flicking a salute, Frost grinned back, getting the reaction he'd hoped for, "Yes Ma'am!"

"God I'm pissed outta my tree." Fred then said, looking distinctly queasy. "Can we get any food in here that won't give us Campylobacter or similar?"

"Camp - lo - what now?" Frankie asked.

"Food poisoning." Fred amended quickly.

"You've just got back from a fly infested, dust riddled African country and you're questioning the hygiene here?" Jane asked, a bemused look on her face. “And I know you're a nurse, but using words like that show you’ve been around Mark far too long.”

"Yeah, like you don’t do the same thing Rizzoli with Maura, and you’re right it'd be just my luck I'll have survived all those months out there, to go down with something from here. So, what do you recommend?"

"The burger and fries. Extra pickles. And you know what, that sounds good right about now." Without another word, Jane strode off, putting the order in for her and Fred.

* * *

 Maura looked across the table where she and Mark had set up to go through the medical text they were interested in, before her attention was brought back to her cell phone, which beeped to indicate a text message. Her eyebrows rose as she read, before looking back at Mark.

"It would appear Jane and Fred are now at The Robber, and to quote Jane's one brother Frankie, 'looking rather drunk.' And to 'not expect them home too early.' I suspect we won't be seeing them as early as they had indicated."

Mark smirked, as he wagged his eyebrows at Maura, "Feel like messing with them a little?"

"How?" Maura asked, her interest obvious.

"Let's just let them think they crossed a line by not telling us they were not only out for the entire evening, but that they were also going to be considerably later than they said."

"Truthfully, we should be annoyed with them for that. Jane in particular knows I worry if she doesn't tell me of a change of plans - especially if it involves her being out a lot longer, and somewhere that wasn't planned." Maura rubbed her temples lightly, "I know that might seem rather possessive on my part, but Jane has been taken by psychopaths so often, snatched in some instances from right under our noses, that we - and by that I mean, me, her family and close friends - all worry. And she knows and understands that."

"Perhaps all the more reason to make them think we don't know. And I'm guessing Frankie knew you'd worry, which is why he sent the message, so it's good to know Jane is being looked after, even if she doesn't know it."

"I certainly think we need to do something. Jane does know better, although I would imagine alcohol has dulled her senses enough that it was merely a genuine oversight on her part. Also, it isn't often I get to turn the tables like this on Jane. It will be fun." Maura said, a mischievous grin appearing, "Do you have any suggestions?"

* * *

 “Hah!” Giggling, Fred almost fell through the front door of Maura’s having finally got the key to work, Jane following on behind, trying to hold back her laughter. She then plowed straight into the back of him as he stopped mid-stride. Peering over his shoulder, eyebrows raised, she just said, “Oh.” The ‘shit’ part of that sentence stayed lodged in her brain.

“Think we’re in the doghouse my darlin’ Do you even have a dog house? Whatever, we’re in it.” Fred said, as he tried to smile at Mark, who like Maura was just standing watching them, arms crossed over their chests.

“Hi.” Jane squeaked, as she grappled with Fred’s shoulder, realizing her balance wasn’t quite as good as she thought it was.

“What time do you call this?” Maura then asked, as she pointedly looked at her watch, before an icy glare was sent back Jane’s way.

“Time for another drink?”

“Jane!” Maura tried to hold back the smile, and failed, as Mark also bit back a laugh, shaking his head.

“Hey, we got to The Robber, and then Frost and Korsak turned up, and then Frankie did..." Jane hiccuped slightly, as she moved from behind Fred, swaying gently. She then made her way towards Maura, planting her feet carefully as she walked, her eyes wide and as Maura watched her approach, her anger finally gave way to pure adoration over the rather drunk woman.

“And it didn’t occur to you that you could have just phoned or sent a text message to either one of us to say you were going to be later than you said?” Maura said, trying to maintain the façade.

“Oh, well....” Fred looked across at Jane, who shrugged, “I thought Jane had.”

“Hey, don’t throw me to the wolves.” Jane said, as she glowered at Fred. "You could have easily sent a text."

“You’re on your own misses.” Fred said, “I’ve got enough grovelling to do of my own. Hi Mark.”

Without another word Maura and Mark turned, and from the kitchen island handed over some painkillers and pints of water that they had already put in place. "Don't hi me," Mark finally said as they watched Fred and Jane swallow the pills quickly, chasing them down with some of the water. "You're both sleeping in the guest room tonight. Maura and I can quite happily share, it will be a lot more comfortable than some beds we've had to share in the past."

“Oh come on Maura, there's only one bed in the guest room and it's nowhere near as big or as comfortable as your bed ... " Jane started to whine.

"Which you can share with Fred for tonight, although if you prefer, there’s always the couch." Maura said in a determined tone. "Maybe next time you'll take into consideration how worried we might be. And are you actually daring to complain about the guest bed? The rather expensive one with the temporic mattress. To use your parlance, really?"

For a moment Jane wondered if she could get away with petulantly stamping her foot, but then seeing the looks she and Fred were getting, along with her stomach not being up to handling the motion she slumped her shoulders and grabbing her partner in crime said. "No, of course I'm not saying anything about the guest bed.... It's just...." Jane's words drifted off as she realized she was in immediate danger of digging an even bigger hole for herself. She spun around looking at Maura and Mark, before looking pointedly at Fred, who had so far wisely kept his mouth shut, "I just hope to God you don't snore!"

"Hey," Fred retorted quickly, "You know I don't snore, you already asked Mark and me this in camp when you first arrived there and we spent the night together."

Rubbing her nose, Jane's forehead creased slightly as she thought about it, "Oh yeah. Okay, so you don't snore. You're not someone who hogs the covers are you?"

"Jane, just go to bed." Maura pleaded softly, and watched as Jane huffed, before grabbing Fred's arm a second time, leading him off towards the guest room. She and Mark could hear unintelligible grumbling from both parties as they disappeared from view.

"In hindsight, do you think it was such a good idea keeping those two together?" Mark asked as he allowed Maura to make them a last cup of tea before they headed to bed.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, Maura nodded, "Yes. It'll irk Jane no end that's she having to share the bed with someone other than me."

Mark laughed loudly, "Maura Isles, you have a mean streak that few get to see, and I love you for it."

* * *

"God take me now!" Jane moaned into the pillow her head thumping a tattoo along her skull. Not to mention the fits her stomach was producing. One of her hands came out, and she slowly felt around her immediate vicinity, slowly letting out a sigh of relief as she realized the bed was otherwise now unoccupied. She dared open one eyelid a fraction, before closing it quickly, trying to avoid any light source, which felt like a million pinpricks hitting the back of her eyes.

Just as Jane was beginning to get comfortable, feeling the mattress dip slightly she growled. "Fred, if you so much as touch me you're dead!" The tall woman then relaxed when she recognized the hand that started to lightly caress her hair. "Maura," she sighed in relief.

"Yes, how are you feeling?"

"How many circles of Hell did Dante say there were," Jane groaned pitifully.

"Nine," Maura replied somewhat puzzled, "The first was limbo, the second was lust, the third gluttony, the fourth greed, the fifth anger, the sixth heresy, the seventh violence, the eighth fraud and finally treachery. Why do you want to know?"

"He lied, there are ten, and the tenth level has taken up residence in my body!"

Maura laughed with a most unladylike snort, something Jane knew she only did when truly relaxed. Finally the Doctor pulled herself together enough to say. “You know I think that sort of comment is considered hyperbole.”

“Oh it’s not, it’s really, really not,” Jane complained. “I promise, the tenth circle is here, right now and it’s taken over my body.”

Still suffering from the odd bout of giggles Maura said. “Well in that case you’d better get up and fight it.” 

“No!” Jane half groaned, half growled. “Uh huh, no way, I surrender, you can come for my body in the morning!”

“Jane!” Maura was starting to sound a bit exasperated by now. “You know I can’t do that, apart from anything your Mother is coming around later to make us a family dinner.”

“Dead, I’m dead.” Jane managed before her stomach rebelled to the point where she had to make a dash for the bathroom. When she finally emerged Maura held out some water and painkillers, as well as a couple of vitamin pills.

“Take these,” the ME said. “They will help with the dehydration, and luckily for you I’m not going to insist you do much today, but I do want you in the sitting room where I can keep an eye on you.”

Knowing she was beaten Jane meekly took the items and followed Maura out of the room, suddenly a spark of memory came back to her from the previous night and she ground to a halt. Sensing the lack of movement Maura also stopped and looked behind her.

“How did you and Mark know to have the stuff ready for me and Fred last night,” Jane finally said.

Maura winked cheekily over her shoulder before she carried on towards the kitchen. “That’s for us to know and for you to find out.” she practically sang.

“Oh crap!”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dante's circles of hell at the end of this chapter came directly from CrackdownDraco - So I thank her immensely for the ending. It was far better than the one I had planned.


	15. Home is where the heart is

**Chapter fifteen**

Maura pulled Jane across into her body, so they were curled up on the sofa, the television on low. As Jane acquiesced, Maura sighed contently. They had finally said their goodbyes to everyone, and the house was back to being their own.

“As lovely as it was, I do enjoy having our home back.”

Jane blinked, as she took in Maura’s words, which she knew had been spoken without any deeper meaning to them. In truth, she also thought of Maura’s as their home now. Her apartment was becoming little more than a storage unit. In fact, although they had spent the first couple of nights there when they had come back from Africa, apart from having to go back for items needed, Jane hadn’t even thought of returning. She shifted slightly, so she could look at Maura properly, who was now regarding her with some surprise showing about her switch in demeanor.

“I want to move in.”

The words were out of Jane’s mouth before she could censor them in anyway. For a split second, Jane felt the panic rising, but that disappeared almost as quickly. She smiled, her face softening, as she watched the myriad of emotions playing across Maura’s face - from complete shock, to questioning, to finally what looked very much like joy. Her fingers came out, and gently traced along Jane’s jawline.

“Are you sure?” Maura finally asked, as her hand dropped away, but it stayed close, and Jane intertwined their fingers.

“I’ve never been more sure. I practically live here anyway, and it might seem fast for some, but lets face it - we both admit we’ve been dating for the last two to three years, without actually dating. We’re doing well in Sam’s sessions, even she’s said as much. I want this Maura. I really do.”

"If you're sure..."

Jane knew Maura was just trying to take time to organize her thoughts; that she needed to not only process it all, but to ensure there wasn't any misunderstanding. Jane knew there had been far too much of that in their past, particularly recently.

Jane leaned in, her lips hardly touching Maura's before she pulled back, only enough to for their foreheads to meet.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Jane's words were barely said above a whisper, and she felt rather than saw Maura relax as she'd spoken.

"You do realize you're setting yourself up for closer contact with your mother."

Jane smirked, as she moved again, this time so she could look at Maura properly, fingers now entwined, "She's already in our lives, so I might as well just accept she's not going anywhere fast."

Maura leaned in, needing as much contact with Jane as she could manage without actually sitting in her lap, "How about you give her your old apartment? I could always buy it outright so there’s no mortg …"

Jane put a hand up, "Whoa there. Slow your roll; for one thing, Ma has already told me, on more than one occasion, that I have a crappy little apartment. And as for you spending more money for her, please, no … don't."

Maura knew that Jane always felt slightly uncomfortable about her wealth, even though Maura had been at pains to tell her several times most was tied up in charitable trusts or charities in general. It still left her with an good disposable income each month, primarily because her own job automatically paid out a good six figure yearly sum, far above pretty much all police pay grades. 

"At least don't discount it completely, please?"

Sighing, Jane nodded slightly before she kissed Maura, then they settled back down to continue watching the television.

* * *

"We covered a lot in the last few sessions, including how before Hoyt, you had no real friendship, even on a working level. That after Hoyt's first attack, whilst Maura still didn't know you Jane, it was the catalyst for a friendship that deepened. However, we left it on you in hospital after the shooting at the precinct, and the reason why you pushed Maura away." Sam took a second, watching Jane and Maura's reactions carefully.

"We do need to look at this." Sam stated as she watched a grimace appear on both Jane and Maura's features. "So, Jane, can you explain why you pushed Maura away so much once you were released from the hospital? You have already alluded to the fact that Maura saw you in a weak moment. Why was that such a powerful emotion it meant you actually pushed her away at a time when most people would have been leaning on their best friends, even if you weren’t able to lean on family."

Jane scrubbed a hand down her face, before taking a deep breath, "I did want Maura there, that's what so fucked up about all this." Jane finally admitted, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on Sam, knowing she couldn't bring herself to look at Maura - not yet at least.

"And yet you pushed her away." Sam's words weren't accusing, just questioning.

"Yeah. Damn, I near enough pushed everyone away. I couldn't even see Frankie once I knew he was okay and safe. He came to see me in the hospital a few times because he was released long before I was - and Ma - hell, you think I'm stubborn? She takes it to another level, and it was just her sheer determination to be there that meant I couldn't keep her away. I tried, but she kept coming back. Like a damn cockroach after a nuclear event...." 

Jane did turn to look at Maura, and grinned, seeing Maura was trying desperately not to jump in there with facts about cockroaches and nuclear events; Jane gave permission with a subtle nod of her head, and Maura was off.

"As much as I find some of their methods scientific worrying, Mythbusters did a study that showed that around ten percent of the middle group they had survived after thirty days. They started with a baseline exposure of 1,000 radon units - otherwise known as rads - of cobalt 60, capable of killing a person in ten minutes, and followed it up with 10,000 and 100,000 rad exposures on separate groups. As a comparison, the bomb on Hiroshima emitted radioactive gamma rays at a strength of around 10,000 rads. Although none survived in the 100,000 rad exposure. It's quite fascinating."

Finally taking a breath, Maura sat back again, as Jane watched her talk quickly, her grin widening. Taking Maura's nearest hand, Jane then looked back at Sam, who was also smiling.

"So yeah, Ma is a like a cockroach, and kept reappearing. I kinda gave up trying to keep her away, and besides, I reckoned she was at least keeping Frankie and Maura in the loop, and..."

"She didn't." Maura spoke so softly, Jane almost missed hearing her. With a shocked expression she turned to look back at Maura, who looked uncomfortable at having admitted what had happened, or rather, what hadn’t happened. "Angela didn't tell me, or I believe Frankie, since he didn't say otherwise. Well, anything beyond telling us you were worse than a squirmy six year old, and driving her to distraction but healing."

"I..." Jane turned to Sam, a look of complete shock on her face, before she looked back at Maura, "Shit, Maura... I had no idea." Jane felt the unexpected sting of tears, and for once, didn't try to fight them as a couple slowly rolled down her cheeks. "I thought you were being kept informed by Ma, ya know. Not every single thing, but enough to keep you from worrying... It's why I thought you stayed away, because you were getting enough from Ma, and knew I needed time away from everyone to... Just recover."

Maura felt her own eyes misting up, as she tightened her hold on Jane's hand ever so slightly, "I stayed away because Angela said you weren't ready to see anyone and occasional updates that looking back were little more than minimal pieces of news that you were healing. I had no idea you thought we were getting more details than we were." 

Maura looked at Sam imploringly, worried that Jane wasn't even trying to hold back the crying that was now affecting her, and Sam smiled at her reassuringly, before she pushed a wad of tissues into Jane's free hand. Sam waited patiently for Jane to compose herself, before she spoke up.

"Jane, why did you feel the need to recover without visitation from friends and other family?"

Jane sighed, before leaning into her elbows, that she'd placed on her knees, "This is going to sound so messed up, but it was the second time I had taken a decision that nearly cost me my life…”

“Hoyt?” The question from Sam was gentle, and Jane nodded her head.

“Yeah. It wasn’t the same I know, but on both occasions I didn’t see the danger…”

Maura sat stiffly, trying desperately not to interrupt Jane, and feeling her discomfort, Jane tightened her fingers slightly in Maura’s.

“Look I know Maura is going to tell me why I couldn’t have seen it, but damn it all, it was a cop I knew. I trusted him. I had no idea he was dirty until it was too late. It reminded me of the poor decisions I made with Hoyt first time around.”

“But this time was different. Why?” Sam probed.

“Because this time damn it after I came around and began to think it over, once my mind wasn’t bogged down with pain and drugs, I began to seriously question if I could still be a Detective.”

Maura sat even more upright and stiffened again, which had felt seemingly impossible to do. She took in a deep breath, and closed her eyes before looking back at Jane. who was watching her carefully.

“Why couldn’t you trust me with that information?”

“Because I know you would have told me why I shouldn’t have quit. How it wasn’t my fault. I know you wouldn’t let me think that.”

“Oh Jane.” Maura leaned in, trying to get warmth and as much contact with Jane as possible.

“Is Jane correct in her assessment in how you would have reacted Maura?”

“I … I honestly don’t know, but I suspect yes, I would have told her immediately as to why she was wrong to consider leaving. Why she wasn’t to blame for failing to realize Morino was a dirty cop. That he’d fooled pretty much everyone who worked with him, or at least was in contact on a regular basis.”

“Jane, why tell Maura now?”

“Because you asked?” Jane said with a slight smirk and a wink to Maura, before taking another deep breath, “because I also want her to know that despite knowing she’ll sometimes say something I don’t always want to hear, I realize now just how much is done because she loves me, and only wants the best for me at all times.”

“Oh Jane,” The words were barely above a whisper, but the emotion was clear.

Sam smiled, and scribbled some more on her notepad, as Jane leaned in and kissed Maura’s cheek on her words. Sam then tore off a piece of paper, before handing it across to Jane and Maura.

Jane read it first, and looked up slightly surprised, before handing it over to Maura, who read it quickly.

“Time for me to sign you two off,” Sam then said once she knew both had read it. She then stood up, and waited for Jane and Maura to do the same. She put a hand out, and Jane shook it, “If you do need me at any time, you know where I am.” 

* * *

 


	16. The end, or is it the beginning?

**Chapter sixteen.**

Maura looked across the autopsy table, and despite the circumstances, couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. Almost as if she was aware Maura was watching, Jane’s head moved as she saw the scrutiny, and a smile graced her own features.

"What . . ."

All words that Jane had lined up to say died on on her lips, as she stared, watching as Maura unconsciously nibbled her bottom lip. Realizing she hadn't taken a breath in some time, Jane finally dragged oxygen in.

"You're flirting over a dead body!"

Suppressing a laugh, Maura caught her bottom lip completely, as her eyes widened, before answering, "No, I am thinking."

"Dirty thoughts." Jane challenged.

"Maybe..." Maura replied, and then her eye flicked up, and she looked over Jane's shoulder, just as Jane heard the door to the morgue being pushed open.

"Yes Barry, what can I do for you?" Maura asked, her professional mask slipping back into place so fast, Jane briefly wondered if the last few minutes had even occurred.

“Jane, Doc,” Frost smiled as he watched the two women, pleased that they were back at work, although he was convinced they were closer than before. Not that he was complaining. The rift was certainly something they didn’t want to see a repeat of.

“Frost.” Jane acknowledged, before she turned back to Maura, unwilling to spend any time not looking at her.

“What can we do for you?” Maura asked again, aware that Frost was watching their interactions with renewed interest.

“Oh yeah, Korsak, Frankie and I are all heading to the Robber. Wondered if you’d like to join us?”

Maura sighed, regret showing as she motioned down, “I’ve only just begun this autopsy, and I’m unlikely to finish for a few hours yet. I’m sorry, but I can’t make it. Jane?”

Jane looked across, with a slight grin, “No, sorry, but I’m gonna just wait around.”

Knowing she didn’t have to say any more, Frost just nodded, and turned on his heel. “No worries, see you tomorrow.”

“Hey don’t forget, Rizzoli Sunday dinner!” Jane called after him, getting a wave across his shoulder as acknowledgement.

“You don’t have to wait for me. Go with them if you’d like. Especially since this isn’t your case.” Maura said as she turned her attention back to the autopsy.

“Nah, they can cope for one night out without me.” Jane automatically leaned back a little as Maura began to snip out the ribs using the bolt cutters the morgue kept for the task. It still astounded her how Maura was always so reverent with the bodies, but used so many large common tools bought from the local Home Depot and at times simply had to hack away at something.

“I don’t need a watchdog Jane.”

There was no malice in Maura’s tone, and Jane couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, if a trip out to find you taught me anything, it’s that you sure as hell are tougher than too many people give you credit for. Me included. I just….”

Jane’s voice trailed off, as she felt slightly embarrassed.

“You just what?”

“Ugh. I just feel so needy and clingy when I think about it - but I just hate not being around you. It’s bad enough when you’re down here, and I’m working upstairs. Let alone when we’re on different call shifts, so you’re working with other detectives.”

Maura looked up, surprise showing, “Jane…. That’s….” Maura just stopped herself in time from bringing a rather bloody, glove covered hand to her chest, even though she had her scrubs, a paper gown and a rubberized apron on, “That’s so sweet.”

Jane could only smirk.

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Jane asked Maura, who looked rather more nervous than she had anticipated.

Taking a deep breath, Maura stood up straighter, “Yes. The sooner we make the announcement to everyone else, the better.”

Grasping Maura’s hand lightly, fingers linked loosely, they walked into the main portion of the house, where Frankie and Tommy were on the couch, shouting out to the TV at the baseball game. Angela was in the kitchen, while Constance was sitting on a stool at the island, and they were chatting as Angela moved around. A split second later, they heard someone knocking on the door.

“I’ve got it. Go join Ma and Constance in the kitchen.”

“Korsak, Frost.” Jane opened the door to the two men, and quickly ushered them inside. Korsak quickly shed his jacket, and took a bottle of wine he’d brought with him towards the the kitchen. Frost walked in slowly, matching Jane’s pace.

“Been a while since we did this.”

Jane shrugged, “Been a while since it’s been quiet enough.”

“True. Look I know I’ve not had chance to really talk to you since you and Maura got back, but it’s good to see you are talking again. Like, real good. It was tough watching you both spiral down like that.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s one reason we’ve asked everyone to be here today.” Jane didn’t elaborate further.

Frost smiled, “I just thank god you did sort it out. I’ve missed Ma Rizzoli’s cooking.”

With a laugh, Jane shoved Frost on the shoulder as she pulled open the fridge door, snagging two beers, before handing one across to Frost. 

* * *

“What?” Jane looked around at the faces looking back at her. Frost was looking at Korsak, who pulled out his wallet and pushed a twenty into his outstretched hand. Realizing what that meant, Jane straightened up further, “You bet on us! You…”

“Yeah of course.” Frankie was the one who spoke up.

“So you’re okay with Jane and I as a couple?” Maura then asked, looking slightly bemused.

“Sure Doc,” Korsak was the one to respond.

Jane continued to look at everyone, as Tommy reached across to grab some more food, before shoveling it into his mouth with a shrug at his sister, “So none of this was a surprise?” She finally asked.

“Yeah, actually there was a surprise.” Frankie said, with a smirk so reminiscent of all the Rizzoli’s.

“Well little brother, enlighten me.” Jane sounded a little touchy, so Maura put her own hand across the nearest one resting on the table.

“Ma.”

“What? Ma? What about Ma?" Jane sounded as confused as Maura felt.

“That Ma knew and didn’t say anything. That’s the surprise!”

“Hey!” Angela replied loudly, “I can keep a secret. Just cause Constance and I knew, didn’t mean it was our place to say anything.”

“Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that Ma,” Frankie said with a grin.

“So, everyone really is okay with this?” Jane clarified.

At the round of nods, she leaned back in her chair, before looking across at Maura, who smiled. They then grimaced at Angela’s next words.

“I wanna know when you’re getting married and giving me grandbabies!”

* * *

“Fucking hell….” Jane was finally able to speak, as Maura looked down at her, concern showing on her face.

“Just try and keep still.”

Jane rolled her head slightly, as a wet tongue came out slobbering across her cheek.

“God damn dog.” Jane then muttered, as she pushed herself up onto her elbows, as Maura began to push a wad of material, that looked suspiciously like an expensive handkerchief, against Jane’s nose.

"We really can't take you anywhere." Maura smiled.

“Mmm oay……”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Maura asked, looking confused.

Jane grunted, as she finally sat up completely, able to take whatever it was Maura had been holding firmly against her bleeding nose, and tilting her head back. She closed her eyes, but jumped when a hand came around her neck, pulling her forward.

“Rhat?”

“Lean forward slightly with the head tilted forward. Leaning back or tilting the head back allows the blood to run into the sinuses and throat and can cause gagging or inhaling the blood." Maura instructed firmly.

“‘Ossy.”

“Jane, you are mumbling!” Maura sounded slightly exasperated.

“"Het a ustd ‘ose - Gib idph a phry mphnd tee hew idph eel's."

Seeing Maura’s face, Jane pulled the material away from her nose, “Bossy…. and got a busted nose, give it a try and see how it feels! As for that thing….” Jane gestured with her free hand to Jo Friday, who was looking on, tongue lolling, tail wagging, “Frisbee’s, brother’s and dogs do not mix.” Jane then glared across at Frankie, who had sensibly moved out of her reach.

“Jane, unless it’s a flying disc actually made by Frisbee, that terminology is actually incorrect. Although these days, it’s accepted as being the correct vernacular, as does rollerblade, which by rights should be called in-line skates. Not forgetting the most common, when someone talks about their Hoover, they should be calling it a vacuum cleaner, since Hoover is a trademark for a company. Bubble wrap is actually a trademark owned by the Sealed Air Corporation, and should be called air bubble cushioning material.”

Jane sat there, and couldn’t be sure if she was dazed by Maura’s sudden explosion of useless information, or the frisbee, or flying disc, or whatever the hell it was supposed to be called, that had hit her plum on the nose, and subsequently put her on her ass, in the middle of the park no less.

“What? Jane are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Maura asked.

“Fine. Peachy.” Jane realized the bleeding had settled, so she finally stood up, not bothering to jiggle out of Maura’s reach, as she grabbed one of Jane’s elbows and helped her to stand. “I just…” Jane shook her head, “You know what, never mind. Not important.”

Maura watched with interest, unsure if she was unhappy that Jane didn’t elaborate further or not, but soon her thoughts were pushed aside as Jane began to chase Frankie, Jo Friday bounding after them, barking as she went.  


* * *

 

Jane looked up as Maura settled on the sofa next to her. Her nose was already settling down, and despite telling Maura it wasn’t broken, she had insisting on confirming it herself. Satisfied it was merely bruised, Maura had handed off an ice pack, pushing Jane firmly onto the sofa, while she puttered around, before joining her.

Jane put the now cool ice pack down carefully on a hand towel on the floor, as she wrapped an arm around Maura’s shoulders. Maura sighed as she relaxed.

“Do you want to tell me what you were thinking in the park before you stood up?”

“Oh,” Jane shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly, “I just - You know when I said the other day I felt needy and clingy, it’s kinda like that.”

Maura shifted so she could glance up at Jane, allowing the confusion to show on her face, “That sentence makes absolutely no sense.”

“Ugh.” Jane took a deep breath in, “I just, I listened to you going on about Frisbee’s and air bubble cushioning material - that by the way is stupid, no wonder bubble wrap is used, no matter how inaccurately - and I was reminded again just how absurdly pretentious I know some people think you are, but I love how you know all this stuff.”

“O, they have lived long on the alms-basket of words. I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word; for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier swallowed than a flap-dragon.”

“Flap-dragon? What the hell? That sounds like all kind of wrong erotica,” Jane sat upright, dislodging Maura as she went, looking between bemused and horrified. “As for honor-fic-whatever the hell that was?”

“It’s Shakespeare Jane. From Love’s Labour’s Lost.”

“Oh . . .” Jane sat silently for a second as she let that information sink in, “And it means?”

“You were saying how absurdly pretentious some people thought I could be, and that dialogue is from a section known for being between the pedantic schoolmaster Holofernes and his friend Sir Nathaniel, and is actually spoken by the comic rustic Costard.”

“Custer?”

Maura fought back the grin, knowing full well Jane was deliberately mispronouncing the name.

“No. Costard, and flap-dragon was a game which involved trying to eat hot raisins from a bowl of burning brandy.”

“That sounds - painful.” Jane replied after fighting back a snort of laughter.

“It was also known as snap-dragon. Shakespeare also uses the term flap-dragon in the play Henry IV, part two.”

“I know I'm pretty useless in the garden, but isn't snapdragon a plant?” Jane finally allowed her confusion to show.

“It is a name for a plant, but in this instance, we’re talking about the parlour game.”

“And this is why I love you.” Jane finally said, as she winked at Maura, before pulling her in closer, “Although it feels kinda strange we’ve come back to the topic that kinda separated us.”

“What topic?”

“Love’s labour’s lost - you said you were drawn to the play as you wrote that letter to me. Explaining why you had left, and when you would return.”

“As the bard himself wrote: The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo. You, that way: we, this way,” Maura all but whispered, not hiding the emotion the thought of the letter evoked.

“Hey, it’s good.” Jane said quickly, realizing that Maura seemed to be getting more upset than she’d expected. “Really, it’s the best, because I think we needed to do what we did. No, actually, you know what, I don’t think we needed to it, we had to do it. We needed to shake ourselves up somehow. Did I wish it happened without having to go to a war torn country? Yeah, sure, but I’m pleased it achieved what it did. It gave me an experience I can never forget, and I merely went to the compound. You went out and helped people in conditions that sound appalling. Yet you did it because it's who you are. Selfless. Loving.”

"Yet so many people have been intimidated by my mind..."

"It's endearing," Jane said quickly, "It's the reason you're like you are, and I love all the parts of you that make up the whole."

"Marry me." Maura blurted out, a hand coming up to cover her mouth, looking shocked. 

Jane jerked back slightly, "What? I . . . You really have become a person of act now, think later."

Maura regarded Jane carefully, "I don't regret asking. Marry me."

Jane took a deep breath then smiled, "Yeah, I will marry you."

Maura grabbed Jane, as they hugged tight. Jane though pulled back suddenly, worry etched across her face. "Oh crap, Ma!"

Maura giggled, "You think Angela is going to be bad, remember Fred is going to be a bridesmaid."

The sheer look of horror from Jane had Maura dissolving into a full fit of laughter.

**The End.**

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this story.   
> It was written during a horrendously difficult time for me, and my sister, personally. I had bereavements, ill health and various other issues to deal with, and at times I wondered if I could ever finish this story.  
> However the continued support readers gave was enough for me to push on, no matter how infrequently. I cannot express what that support meant at the time. Without it, I did fear this story would die a death. It didn't and I hope posting it here, others will find it for the first time, or be able to download it whereby they couldn't on Fanfiction Net.  
> Again - thank you. It never seems enough, but it's all I can say.  
> Finally, thank you to Honorcpt and CrackdownDraco (both on FFN) who beta read this. I know mistakes happen, so they are mine, but they also helped immensely. Beta help became vital for me as it offered support I desperately needed.


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